Back From The Edge
by nomad62
Summary: Inara, River and Jayne have been on Serenity alone following BDM. The rest of the crew begins to discover the change in relationship dynamics while the three explore just what River's brain is doing to them in order to heal River. Please review. J/I/R
1. Chapter 1

A/N: AU. Set a couple of days after the battle on Mr. Universe's moon.

Many thanks goes out to Badkarma00 for the beta!

Description: Inara, River and Jayne on Serenity alone while the rest of the crew are still in the Medship. Relationships are redefined, losses are explored and bonds are formed. River's mind takes steps to heal itself.

PLEASE Review and comment.

Title: Back from the Edge

Part I – Then There Were Three

Chapter 1

The sounds of distress from one of the passenger dorms brought Jayne to his feet, gun in hand. Crossing quickly and silently to the doorway he slid the panel open. Seeing the dark form thrashing on the bunk, he uncocked the pistol and slid it into his waistband at the small of his back. Sinking into a chair next to the bunk he stroked the dark hair back from the tear and sweat streaked face.

"Easy now, you're on the ship. Everythin's fine. Shhh." His mind flashed back to another time many years back and another form thrashing in the throes of a nightmare.

Inara screamed and lunged forward to sit up, her chest heaving with panic. Her eyes began to focus. "Jayne?" Her voice shaky with the remnants of fear based adrenaline.

"I'm here, alls fine." Jayne's hands were in his lap fidgeting. He weren't quite sure what to do with them. The previous night hadn't been so bad, she'd had some t-shirt she'd borrowed from somewhere to sleep in. Truth is you'd pretty much have to wrap Inara in engine tape to keep her from bein' sexy as hell but she'd gone out and bought some clothes of her own today and she was sleepin' in some wisp of fabric that had Jayne fillin' up with all sort of mixed feelin's on the idea of comforting her.

The nightmares had been a steady thing, for Inara and River in particular, since the fight on Mr. Universe's moon a few days back. Even Jayne wasn't immune like he usually was. Comfortin' womenfolk wasn't something he'd had much cause to do since he'd left home. He'd have stayed clear of the need now but there wasn't anyone else. The rest of the crew was on the medship. That left the three of them onboard Serenity.

He'd been on night duty for both the women and he wasn't sure why he cared. Well, he knew some of it. He'd never had his life saved by a woman before and in a few short hours two different women had saved him. He supposed that Zoe had saved his life on occasion but that weren't the same. Zoe was a warrior woman and with bullets flying hither and yon it weren't that personal. Sides it was her job as a fighting member of the crew, they got in tussles and fought, a certain amount of life saving was gonna happen all around.

When Inara saved his life, it had been different. He'd been grabbing up Zoe to drag her back to the line when that Reaver had him dead to rights. Jayne had known he couldn't turn his gun in time and was dead. Then the fletching of Inara's arrow had appeared in its throat, almost as if by magic, the arrowhead splitting out the back of the creature's spine.

Somehow, it had managed to be very personal. It was obvious who had killed it, which didn't much happen in a gunfight, and it shook him to realize how much courage Inara was showin'. Standing with them, fighting with a ruttin' bow n' arrows as creatures worse than any nightmare he'd ever had, swarmed toward them and she was still having the courage to place an arrow so perfectly.

He hadn't realized it until he heard her having a nightmare as he walked the ship the night before, but something had happened in that moment. She'd become his. Not his woman, just his. He'd heard his ma's voice as he stood outside the room listening to Inara thrash about, "She's your'n Jayne Cobb, she's your 'sponsibility, now get your pigu in there and take care o' that woman."

Inara leaned her forehead against Jayne's shoulder as her breathing calmed. She wasn't sure why Jayne was here but she was grateful for the human presence. She felt his tension, and the small twitching of his shoulder as he fidgeted. She sat up and gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Jayne."

He stood to go, "You ok now?"

"For the moment, yes." She stepped out of bed and reached for her robe. "I think I'll go make some tea and sit for awhile before trying to go back to sleep."

Jayne nearly bit his tongue at the way the thin silk molded itself to her lush body, then flushed with a rare moment of embarrassment, feeling guilty at even noticing her beauty when she was obviously unaware that she was exposing herself. He looked away. "You ok to go up yourself or ya need me to come?"

"I think I'll be fine, thank you."

He waved away her thanks and slid the door shut. Shaking his head in discomfort with the situation, he returned to his spot on the couch.

Inara was surprised to see Jayne sitting on the couch when she opened her door. She raised an eyebrow in inquiry, wondering if he was waiting for her.

He gestured towards River's bunk, "Crazy..." Jayne winced at the vision of his ma's glare and the sharp slap upside his head she would have given him. "River ain't sleepin' much better than you." He shrugged in embarrassment and found something of considerable interest to look at on the wall.

For a very brief moment, Inara wondered what was going on; however, she was much too exhausted emotionally to concern herself with Jayne's odd behavior. Shrugging, she headed for the galley.

River's experience with the Alliance had cracked Inara's beliefs, but it had been possible to compartmentalize it in the category of an aberration. Something to be blamed on a rogue branch of government, not a basic representation of that government. The Alliance took that belief away with the litter of dessicated corpses on Miranda.

The person she had labored her entire life to become, a Companion, was intrinsically tied to the Alliance through the Guild. Everything she was and had been trained to be and believe was wrapped in the stench of Reaver breath. The Alliance took her sense of self away in that stroke of betrayal.

The violence of the confrontation, Wash's death, the near death for all of them, these images and thoughts thrashed their way through her conscious and unconscious mind leaving no room for much of anything in the way of curiosity for small oddities.

She found herself standing at the counter in the galley staring at nothing. She shivered and began making tea, taking what little refuge she could find in the comforting task.

* * *

Jayne had finally dozed off when River's moans woke him. He grimaced and stared at the door to River's bunk. He really didn't want to go in there. Rubbing his face with his hands and feeling the laser like glare of his ma's eyes on the back of his head, he headed for the door. "I'm goin', I'm goin'."

When the blast doors had opened on the figure of the bitty girl drenched in blood and gore, surrounded by mounds of dead Reavers, Jayne's sense of awe had been touched for the first time by another human. He had found god. Well, Goddess more like. The Goddess of Destruction. The perfect weapon.

He understood bone deep, the truth of what her stand meant. He'd survived when he shouldn't have more than once himself, though it was barely a scratch on what she had done. She'd overcome her fear and whatever else had been turning her into a puddle in the floor and put herself between him and certain death. It didn't matter that she hadn't done it for him. Only mattered that she'd done it at all. Besides Jayne liked weapons, and she was the shiniest weapon he'd ever seen.

River unnerved him, but then someone that deadly and a reader besides, ought to unnerve a man, it was only sensible.

He froze as he reached for the door handle, a sudden realization striking him between the eyes with the force of a sledgehammer. Lăo tiān bù. He finally recognized the glare in his ma's eyes. The same glare she gave him when he wasn't treating family right as a youngster. The glare she used as she taught him about his responsibilities to family. After nearly twenty years of a relatively carefree existence, Jayne ruttin' Cobb had family again. Not again, exactly, as he still had plenty back home, but again as in the here and now.

Ta ma de, and what does he get stuck with for family? A crazy girl and a fancy whore. He flinched at the remembered pain of sharp knuckles to the back of his head. "Alright." He muttered to his ma and opened the door.

River was thoroughly entangled in her blanket and had shoved herself tightly into the corner on her bed. She was thrashing against the blanket and moaning.

Jayne lowered himself into a crouch to present himself as less of a threat. Holding his arm out palm down, he approached her slowly, much as he would have a fear crazed colt back on Old Man Tomlinson's ranch. "Easy now C...ni zi, easy. It's just me, Jayne. Easy now." He continued to speak softly and soothingly. "You're just tangled up in your blanket, let me get you loose."

He smoothed her hair back with one hand feeling her tremble under his touch. Gently, he tugged a corner of the blanket loose with the other. She became tense as her bindings came undone. "It's just Jayne, River. We're safe on Serenity."

"Where is Simon?" Her eyes flashed to awareness, darting past Jayne, whether looking for an escape route or looking for Simon, Jayne wasn't sure.

"He's in the hospital, remember? He got hurt, you saved him." Saved us all, he added.

"NO! They'll hurt him, I have to get him out! Bright lights and needles. They'll cut and hurt and take him away from himself we have to save him!"

"He's fine baby girl, Inara looked in on him today. He's just worried about you."

"He's fine?" River whimpered.

"I promise. He's hurt but getting better."

Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him, "You lie."

He flushed at the accusation. "Yea, I do sometimes, but I ain't about this." He'd thought Inara told River how Simon was doing already. Could be River was just disoriented from her nightmare and didn't remember. It was too bad she couldn't go to the hospital to see Simon, it might take some of the edge off her fears. But having her hanging around in an Alliance ship just didn't seem smart.

Seeing her unrelenting gaze he tried to figure a way to calm her. The only thing that came to mind was an idea he didn't like at all. He stalled, trying to think of something else, but as the concern on her face became stronger he could hear his mother's foot tapping impatiently in the back of his mind.

"You're a reader ain'tcha?" He watched her 'dumb question' eye-roll.

"If'n I think real hard about when Inara told me he's ok, you can tell if its true or not, right?"

She nodded, her brow furrowed.

"We'll don't be lookin' for anything else, I'm gonna trust you, ok?" Jayne growled. "Say if you're a reader how come you ain't already looked?"

She grimaced, "Too much turmoil and apprehension can't see past the fog. I will try not to look beyond your stated boundaries."

Jayne grunted, no clue what that meant other than the fog part. "Oh, well, I'll try and think about it real hard so it gets past the fog then."

At her distrustful nod he began replaying the scene of Inara telling him about the crew in his head. River began to calm as she 'saw' the scene playing, then froze with tension as he came to the part where Inara told him about the shots Doc wanted them to give her.

She glared at him. "No needles!"

"You made that plenty clear earlier. I ain't gonna do nothin'. Seems to me that trying to chase you down and restrain ya so I can poke ya with a needle'd be about the worst thing I could do for ya. 'Sides you'd probably hurt me and I'm feeling too good about surviving this last week to wanna risk it right now. You been doin' ok 'cept for the nightmares and we all got them."

She relaxed again, slumping so that her hair drifted down to hide her face. "You can go now, you don't wish to be here and you are afraid of me."

"Am Not!"

She peeked through the curtain of hair and rolled her eyes.

"We'll not exactly anyway," He said sheepishly. "After the other day, I trust what ya mean to do, mostly, especially since I don't mean ya any harm. Just don't rightly trust that what you mean to do and what yer body does are gonna be the same thing yet." Jayne was pretty sure he'd confused himself and he hoped her being a genius and all she'd been able to follow. He didn't want to try and say it again.

She raised her head and looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. "Appropriate response, trust has not yet been established. I am better now, not as much confusion about what is me and what is someone else's desire.

He nodded his agreement and held her blanket up, "You should go back to sleep now if ya can."

She nodded and curled up as he tucked the blanket around her.

"You want me to stay till you nod off?"

She yawned and murmured, "Your presence may be an effective deterrent for the ghosts that wander my psyche."

"Huh?" he grunted.

"Yes please." She yawned again.

He settled to the floor but before he could get comfortable, her soft breathing told him she had already fallen back to sleep.

He rose to his feet silently and slipped out the door.

* * *

After making tea, Inara sat at the dining room table for a few minutes. It was too quiet, much too ... dead. She made a cup of tea for Jayne and added a double shot of sake.

She found that the large man was missing from his place on the couch and wondered briefly where he had gone. The murmur of voices from River's room gave her the answer. She put his tea on the table near where he had been sitting when she came out of her room and sat at the opposite end of the couch, her feet curled underneath her and cup held in both hands absorbing the warmth.

When Jayne slipped out of River's room, he was surprised to see Inara sitting on the couch.

Ai ya, every once in awhile Jayne understood why people thought he was stupid. He hadn't even thought to get Inara to tell the girl her brother was ok.

She looked cold. He slipped into one of the spare bunks and grabbed the blanket folded up on the end of the bed. He carried it to her and unfolded it. She didn't acknowledge him other than to look up and then lift her arms so that he could cover her.

He sat down in his spot on the couch with a groan. He frowned when he noticed the cup of tea on the table. "Uh, thanks?" He said, wondering why in the hell she brought him tea. She just nodded. Shrugging he picked up the cup and took a cautious sniff expecting some sort of flowery type smell. His face smoothed over when he recognized the sharp scent of sake. He downed the tea in two quick gulps and leaned back with a sigh. Propping his feet on the table he let his head flop against the back of the couch.

Jayne woke with a start, the smell of gun smoke strong in his nostrils. He looked around to establish his whereabouts. Oh, right, passenger dorms, he thought. As he stretched, he noticed Inara, still curled up at the other end of the couch, asleep, with one dainty, slipper clad foot sticking out from under the blanket.

Throwing his blanket over his shoulder, he reached down and tugged Inara's blanket around and tucked it under her foot. She whimpering and thrashed a little until he stroked the hair back from her face and whispered, "Shh you're fine, go back to sleep."

She nuzzled his hand slightly, then relaxed into a quiet sleep. Jayne looked around quickly as if making sure no one was there to see the tender gesture, then headed for his bunk muttering to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jayne had spent the day working with the Alliance repair folks to fix the obvious structural damage to Serenity. The engine stuff would have to wait until Kaylee was able to be there to handle the workmen since Jayne didn't know a ruttin' thing about that and he figured Mal would pretty much shoot him on sight if he found out Jayne had let the Alliance folks do things to his ship without knowing what was what. Last he'd heard Mal was still out most of the time so it'd probably be up to Zoe if she were in any shape to make decisions.

He shut the ramp behind the last of the workers and headed for the galley.

Inara had spent part of the day on the wave with her Guild after taking the shuttle up to check on the rest of the crew.

She dished up the food she had prepared and then headed for her room. She had thought she made it out of the galley without Jayne noticing that she hadn't eaten but about thirty minutes later he was standing in the doorway of her bunk with a plate of food.

He handed her the plate. "I'm like as to stand here all night less you eat some. I know you ain't had anything to eat all day."

"I ate some on the medship. I'm really not hungry now."

Jayne had learned to fight these sort of battles from his ma. Not that he had ever won but he'd eventually gotten to where he could give her a run for her money. "I got time, me and Cra-River done ate and I washed up. And you're lyin' about eating earlier." He put the plate on her night stand and leaned against the door jam, arms across his chest.

He began telling her everything he had done that day in excruciating detail. First she began to get angry, by about fifteen minutes into the description of the day(approximately 10am) she had moved into furious. For some reason she wasn't able to bring herself to outright scream at him, but it didn't honestly strike her as an effective strategy anyway. She thought of attacking him but for obvious reasons that wasn't exactly plan A. She even thought of trying to shame him into leaving by undressing to change clothes. She'd actually started to unbutton her dress when she realized exactly _who _she was trying to embarrass by stripping.

She looked up at the pause in his story to find him smirking at her. The ridiculous nature of her situation finally sank in and humor lightened her dark mood slightly. Not enough to show in the least, but enough to allow her to acknowledge that she was actually a slight bit hungry. "Fine, if it will get you the hell out of my room I'll eat a few bites," she snapped.

He just nodded and shrugged as if he didn't care and continued with his day, which by this time was up to about 11am and at which time he had apparently climbed some stairs.

She picked up her plate and began eating.

"Do ya know when the rest'll be back yet?" Jayne finally stopped babbling and asked a real question.

It took her a few seconds to realize that he was actually making communication noises. "I'm sorry, what?" She took another bite.

"When are they gonna be able to come back?"

Realizing that she had barely spoken a word since she returned from the seeing the crew, she felt guilty. "I'm so sorry, Jayne, I just didn't think. I was in my own little world."

He shrugged it off as no matter. "Don't matter, Nara, I know you're thinkin' on a lot right now."

He winked at her, his face totally blank, "'Sides, I think you was just hungry."

Inara looked down and stared at her empty plate in confusion. Surely she hadn't eaten all of it so quickly. She flushed in embarrassment.

She quickly filled him in on the crew. "Everyone is doing well. Zoe, Simon and Kaylee will be back in a few more days. Mal will have to wait until Simon is well enough to care for him. He really isn't awake all that much yet anyway, his injuries were so severe that once he gets back he'll still need to stay in the infirmary for awhile."

"Simon is being an extremely difficult patient in his desire to get back to check up on River. I managed to deflect his questions regarding the shots he asked us to give her, but he won't be happy when he finds out she hasn't had any."

Jayne shrugged, "Reckon he can yell if he wants but seems like she's fine, leastways as fine as I've ever seen her, even on drugs." He frowned a little, "Spent the day wandering passageways and talking to the ship near as I could tell. But, least she's calm, which does wonders for my calm."

"She is feeling better but she waits impatiently for her husband and lover." River's voice sounded nearly in Jayne's ear.

Jayne screeched and jumped, drawing as he spun in the air and landed with his gun pointed at River. "Qīngwā cào de liúmáng, DON'T sneak up on me like that girl! Nearly shot you in the head."

Even as withdrawn into herself as Inara had become, she couldn't help but be affected by the sight of the brutal mercenary screeching, though it was a very masculine screech, and nearly jumping out of his boots. She just managed to turn her laugh into a gurgling cough.

"Why?" River inquired, a puzzled expression on her face. "If I wanted you dead you wouldn't have gotten a chance to jump and if I wished you no harm you wouldn't have pulled the trigger as evidenced 5.3 seconds ago. You knew who I was and that no harm was meant before you even landed." She pause, then gave him an impish grin and stuck her tongue out at him.

Jayne stared at her, his mouth gaping open. "Ok, that was just creepifying," he announced. He felt guilty as soon as her big grin began to fade and wasn't a bit surprised to feel his ma's knuckles rap against his head. So he did the only thing that came to mind to cheer her back up. He stuck his tongue out at her.

Giggling she danced off to her room, calling over her shoulder, "Establishing trust."

Turning back around to face Inara he caught the tail end of the grin she had allowed herself when he stuck his tongue out at River.

"Ain't in no way funny, damn near died of a heart attack," he grumbled.

Her eyes still glittering with humor, Inara smothered her grin. "Just so, quite inappropriate. That noise you made? Could that have been a screech?"

Jayne scowled at her, knowing full well she was teasing. Somehow the scowl didn't seem to be working as it usually did. "Jayne don't screech!" Then because he kinda thought it might just have been a screech he tried for a subject change. "What was she on about? Husbands and lovers or some such?"

"I would guess she meant Serenity was missing Mal and Kaylee," Inara said.

After considering the idea, Jayne smirked, "Makes sense, sorta. One has use for her, the other keeps her shiny and likes to play with her." Becoming more serious, Jayne asked, "How's Zoe doing...'bout Wash?"

"Not very well. She isn't speaking about it." Inara shrugged "Not at all unexpected from Zoe. I told her about your fight with the workers that wanted to come on ship before you had freed him." Inara looked down at her hands. "She was pleased that we took care of it ourselves." Jayne had done the work of removing Wash from his chair and Inara had cleaned and dressed him before they put him in a preservation chamber.

"He deserved to be taken care of by crew." Jayne found he actually kinda missed the little man. He hadn't been much taken with him before he was gone but had come to realize that he missed Wash's humor. Although Jayne was much cruder they'd had a similar sense of humor. They both liked to watch people and make fun of their oddities. 'Sides the little man had been the only one that could snark at Mal and get away with it.

"Zoe gonna be up to make decisions about the repairs? Me and the workers've pretty much taken care of all the welding and structural stuff."

"Knowing Zoe, I think she'll be glad for the work to keep her distracted." Zoe had been bullying Simon unmercifully to intercede and get her out of the hospital, but she had gotten an infection in her wound from the filthy sword that slashed her open and was still on heavy intravenous antibiotics to make sure the infection didn't enter her spine.

"Guess I'll hit the rack." Jayne turned and headed up the stairs.

"Good night, Jayne," Inara called.

"Night, Jayne," floated through River's closed door.

Jayne grunted.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jayne ended his nightly walkabout the ship in the passenger common area as usual. It had become a routine over the last week. Tomorrow would probably be the last night he spent down here. The rest of the crew other than Mal would be returning the morning after.

He was beat. Zoe had given permission for him to allow the Alliance mechanics to begin the major engine repairs two days before, as long as he kept a record of the work for Kaylee, who was still suffering from severe vertigo. So he'd been real busy keeping track of what they did. He'd had River re-write the list for him and make a little drawing so it'd be easy for Kaylee to figure what he meant.

After taking a quick peek in River's room and a not so quick one in Inara's to check on them each, he plumped the pillows in the corner of the couch and settled in, his feet on the table.

Tonight it was River's scream that woke him. He dashed into her room to find her awake but sobbing. She was leaning against the wall, knees hugged tightly to her chest crying her heart out. He stopped in the doorway completely at a loss for what to do with the crying girl. He had gotten used to her waking up disoriented but this was the first time for tears.

"Boy now ain't the time be a afraid." His ma's voice echoed in his mind. I ain't afraid! He asserted back. "Sure ya are, but its too late. Ya already care. I didn't raise no coward, boy, now go hold that girl. You been running long enough." With a sigh, he sat on the bed and scooped River into his lap. She turned her face into his chest, her small deadly hands twisted into his shirt, and she sobbed, her tears soaking his shirt.

Jayne pulled her blanket up and tucked it in around her, then rocked gently back and forth, one hand holding her, the other soothing her back.

In his minds eye, he saw another little girl, slightly younger than River, in his lap, her face glittering with tears and her body wasted with disease. She looked up into his face, "Love you, Jaynie, I'm gonna miss you when I go to heaven."

Her face was replaced with a small stillborn baby, wrapped for burial, laid out next to the still form of his beautiful black haired, 17 year old mother, dressed in her Sunday best. She'd died trying to bring him into the world.

The mother and son faded to be replace by a vision of Book, bleeding to death on a pile of sandbags.

"Everything is gonna be fine Ni Zi. Your gonna be fine." Jayne saw Inara watching them from her doorway, beautiful in her thin nightgown her long legs glowing, the shadow created by the dim running lights hiding and revealing her at the same time.

Still rocking and soothing River with his hand, he closed his eyes and began to hum. It was almost more vibration than noise. River immediately began to calm.

A single tear rolled down his cheek and neck to mingle and lose itself in the puddle River was creating. The small rocky thing in Jayne's chest that purported to be a heart, absorbed the moisture of their mingled tears and softened, just a little, easing a knot of pain carried for many years.

I don't know if I can do this ma, he pleaded silently. She answered gently "Ya have to boy. It hurts, but its the havin' that makes the rest of it worthwhile." This time the visions were of the joy. Of the things he had never allowed himself to think on for fear he wouldn't be able to get up in the mornings for the missing of them.

The little dark haired girl on his shoulders, her arms spread wide and head thrown back in laughter, the wind blowing through her long curls as a teen-aged Jayne ran down a dirt road.

The woman naked under him in the loft of a barn, her teeth sunk into his shoulder as she tried to smother her cries while she shuddered with pleasure, her black hair tangled with pale gold wisps of straw.

The same woman lying back laughing, with Jayne's head pressed against her rounded belly listening to his child.

Book, his hand waving and punctuating his comments with a cigar as they talked, his face lit with laughter.

His single tear became two, his humming cracked a little here and there then smoothed out as stopped fighting them. The pain of his losses began the slow journey of healing with the slow drift of his tears.

* * *

River's scream had woken Inara and she had come out of her room in time to see Jayne go into River's. The scene that unfolded mesmerized her. She'd never have dreamed that Jayne Cobb, of all people, could be so gentle. There had been clues the last few days but what she saw unfolding was still beyond her imagination.

When he began to rock the girl, she could have sworn she heard the soft rumble of humming. Her hand flew to her mouth stifling a gasp as a small but definite twinge of jealousy tightened in her chest. Not for the man, but for the comfort he was giving. She longed to be held and rocked and told that she was going to be fine.

She quietly backed away, grabbed her robe from her room and headed for the galley to make tea.

While she waited for the water to boil, tears overcame her and she slumped to the floor, hugging herself tightly as deep sobs shook her body.

* * *

After River had finally cried herself back to sleep, Jayne gently lowered her to the bed and tucked the blanket snuggly around her. He'd had to gently untwist her hands from his shirt and when she began to fuss at being put down, he sat stroking her hair until she calmed again.

He slid River's door shut and turned to see Inara, in what was becoming her spot on the couch, already covered in her blanket and holding a cup of tea. Her eyes were suspiciously bright as if she had just finished crying or was about to start. "You ok, Nara?" His voice gentle. He was still in that newly softened place deep in his heart of family and love that hadn't been opened in so very long.

She blinked back the fresh tears that threatened at the sound of concern in his voice and nodded quickly. Her body shook and she gasped as the hot tea splashed out of the cup onto her hand.

This time Jayne didn't even need the gentle urging of his ma's voice to act. Crouching in front of Inara, he gently removed the cup from her hands and set it on the table. He lifted her, then settled himself in her place holding her in his lap. Reaching over he grabbed his blanket and threw it over his legs then tucked hers around them both.

Inara shuddered, "I'm so sorry. I...I'm just so lost. I don't know who I am anymore. Nothing makes sense. I feel so alone."

She felt the rumble of a small chuckle in his chest.

Jayne tilted her chin up with his fingers and looked into her eyes. "Well given how soggy my shirt is I'm thinkin' it oughta be clear ya ain't alone in feeling a mite lost." He smiled at her.

She'd never seen as peaceful an expression on his face. His smiles ran toward the dirty or the mean and on rare occasion the happy (and even those were usually about dirty or mean things except for his ma's letters), but never, in her experience, the peaceful.

"As for who you are, reckon I can help with that a little. You'd be Inara Sera, the sexiest, most courageous, strongest and I reckon I'll have to throw in most beautiful woman I've ever met outside of my ma. And I reckon you'll sort it out."

She tried to shake her head in denial but his fingertips wouldn't let her. He wrapped his arms around her. "Just agree, cuz I ain't gonna listen to nothing else. And I'll remind ya as needed." He tucked her head into his shoulder. "Now you go ahead and cry or sleep or whatever ya need to do. Ya ain't alone and I ain't goin' nowhere. I'm too tired."

Initially she didn't really believe the 'verse that had taken so much from her the last few days would allow her this comfort but as her body rose and fell with Jayne's breath, her tension slowly bled away until she lay in his arms comforted and feeling better than she had in a very long time. As she drifted off to sleep she heard him growl, "best be keepin' this to ourselves. I'm thinkin it'd do both our reputations considerable damage if it got out."

She went to sleep with a smile on her face instead of tears.

* * *

Jayne woke with the scent of jasmine in his nostrils instead of gun smoke. He smiled down at the top of Inara's head and breathed her scent deeply into his lungs. He tasted jasmine and warm woman on his tongue when he let the breath trickle out of his lungs as if it were the finest cigar he had ever smoked. As he shifted and tried to stretch out a few of his kinks without waking her, he realized that his xiăo dìdì was awake and feeling spunky as well. He could feel the soft pressure of Inara's bottom against it.

He smiled as she sighed in her sleep and arched to return the pressure. He closed his eyes and let his head flop back against the couch, then frowned as the squeaky, long unheard voice of his conscience yammered at him. She'd trusted him to comfort her and even though it might do them both a world of good, he couldn't violate that trust by sexin' her up first thing.

He groaned again as she wiggled against him with more urgency. Cupping her face in his hands he drew her head back. The small smile on her face and half closed eyes told him that she weren't really awake yet. He kissed her on the forehead and shifted her gently to sit next to him, her legs still draped across his. She murmured unhappily at the loss of his warmth.

After tucking her in, he slipped the rest of the way out from under her. Jayne headed off for a cold shower muttering a string of very lurid Chinese curses, mostly having to do with idiots, under his breath.

Inara opened her eyes and watched Jayne heading up the stairs with a considering look. This morning had presented her with a multitude of firsts. Not forever, firsts, but certainly 'in a long time' firsts. It had been a very long time since she woken and her first thoughts of the day were not of Mal. She had woken feeling cherished and comforted. She couldn't remember the last time she had woken in a man's arms and felt safe and protected.

She headed for her bunk, her mind awash in thoughts about her actions. She'd actually woken before Jayne but been unwilling to leave the comfort of his arms and the feel of his body. Her first response, when he had pressed against her, had been instinctual, but the second had been intentional.

She was not certain why she had done it. Part, she supposed, was to test him. Part was simply that she hadn't been with a man in over a year and her body had responded rather insistently to the very, very male presence. After careful consideration she wasn't sure that she would have stopped it had he responded in a more 'Jayne' fashion.

Inara wasn't like some of the Companion's in the Guild. To them sex was merely a tool. Much like courtesan's of old they could present all the right queues but it just didn't mean anything to them and they really couldn't care less if they ever had sex. Inara, on the other hand, was an extremely sexual person. She liked sex and to her it was a necessary part of being fully alive.

She hadn't seen clients while at the Training House and while she and Sheydra had comforted each other twice, Inara much preferred men and it hadn't been completely satisfying. She smirked at herself, and she had still managed to feel guilty for taking that little pleasure. She was getting very tired of denying herself pleasure when the only return so far was pain and anger while waiting for something that may or may not ever even happen.

As she performed her ablutions her mind drifted to Mal. What about her and Mal? They had danced their dance of anger and mutual hurt and frustration with just a hint of possibilities for a very long time now. Did he love her or care at all? Did she love him? She thought he cared for her at times. She knew she cared for him, at times. Yet was hurting someone over and over again and letting them hurt you really about love or was there some darker role being played out.

Even if she and Mal stopped all the dancing right now, could they get past the way they had hurt each other? Could she get past the hurt of being called a whore (in that particularly nasty tone) for so long? Could Mal even see her as anything other than a whore? Knowing that she didn't look at having sex the same way he did, would he ever believe she was faithful? Did she really want to be with someone and wonder the entire time if they were about to call her names or if they already were, just not out loud?

With a sigh, she tugged her cheongsan one last time to make sure it was hanging properly and headed for the galley.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The three sat eating dinner. Inara had begun joining them the day after Jayne had forced her to eat.

River sat in the middle of the table eating and chattering away about her day. Inara grinned at how close River and Jayne had become. River followed him around much of the day, not like a child or puppy but she was always to be found fairly close to him. Inara knew she'd have to prepare Simon for this unexpected occurrence so that he wouldn't feel as if he 'had gone insane' as he liked to say where Jayne doing something good was concerned.

Jayne didn't appear to be listening to River, but he did stop her and ask questions a few times when it sounded like she might have gotten into things she probably shouldn't.

Inara stifled a grin at those interruptions since even though Jayne's questions were gruff and rude i.e. "What in the ruttin' hell'd ya do that for?" or "That don't make no sense at all, say it again," River was obviously delighted that someone was listening and carrying on a somewhat normal conversation with her and tried very hard to make sense.

Inara spent time in the evenings with River, brushing her hair and chatting a little, but nothing like the stream of consciousness she was unloading on Jayne.

Jayne, for his part, didn't expect to understand everything River said. Truth be told, he was used to it. Regular people often didn't make sense to him let alone a genius that'd had her brain cut on. His mind was just too linear and it seemed to him that people went out of their way to ravel things up.

That was what River liked about talking to Jayne. He didn't try and force what she was saying into preconceived ideas. He just took the ones he understood or almost understood and let the rest go. This meant that he actually got much more out of her conversation than he realized.

River finally wound down and hopped up, dancing toward the door.

Jayne called her back, "Where d'ya think your going, girl?"

She stopped and cocked her head at him, "To prepare for bed."

"Nope. You got chores. From now on you're in charge of dishes and cleanup in here. Bout time you started helpin' out."

Surprised, Inara stopped her chopsticks half-way to her mouth and watched River, wondering how she would take the news.

An amazingly bright smile lit up her face, "Really? She will be allowed to be useful and have her own chores?"

"Hell yea," he responded.

She bound over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him on the cheek as he playfully fought her off.

"Gerrof me girl! Didn't say it to be nice, your s'posed to be all pouty and grumpy now. Gotta growl at people when they give you chores, otherwise they'll be handin' 'em out to ya ever time you turn around."

Inara smirked at this little bit of merc wisdom having seen first hand just how growly and whiny Jayne could be when given a chore that didn't suit him.

River made a face, that was apparently supposed to be scary, and gave him a wimpy little growl.

He grimaced in disgust and shoved her towards the door. "You best go practice that some and let me and Inara finish eatin'. Then I'll show ya how to clean up.

"I am well aware of how to wash dishes," she informed him with a haughty smile.

"Fine, then I'll watch ya work . Now scat, go practice that growling."

Jayne and Inara sat in companionable silence for a time. Jayne concentrated on his food and wouldn't really look at Inara.

"That was a kind thing you did for River, I don't think anyone's thought of giving her chores beyond going on an occasional job." Inara ventured. "Of course I haven't been on board so she may not have been up to doing chores until recently."

Jayne grunted. "Didn't really think on it being kind or not. Just been thinkin' of home some and everyone had chores. Didn't matter what what ya was capable of ya had some'n that was yours ta do. It ain't everything, but ya can't be part of something without having responsibilities to it. She's been helpin' me out some with drawin' maps and such, marking what the mechanics do, for Kaylee, but I wanted her to have something that was hers."

Inara nodded. "I expect it will make her feel much more a part of the crew." She paused, carefully selecting her words. "I wanted to thank you. For last night ... and this morning. You were a perfect gentleman. I slept much better than I have been."

Jayne glared at her. "That ain't a nice thing to say, I ain't no wimpy assed piece of go se gentleman!" His face hardened to a scowl, and pointed his chopsticks at her. "And don't you be tellin' anyone that I am!"

Inara tried. Tried and failed miserably to stop the laugh that forced it's way passed her clenched jaw. "I'm sorry, Jayne, I promise not to let anyone know."

He relaxed with her assurance, studiously ignoring the laughter.

Reflecting on her thoughts from the morning she became curious. "May I ask you a question?"

He frowned at her. "When women start with that, usually means it's one o' them touchy-feely questions. I ain't much on that sort of thing."

She giggled. "I suppose it is, sort of, but mostly for me. I'll ask and you can decide if you wish to respond." She waited for his nod of agreement. "Why do you call me a whore?"

Jayne winced. "I ain't called you that in a long time," he countered.

"I know, but I'm curious."

He shrugged. "Some, because you are." He waved her denial off, "I know, you consider it bein' a Companion but there just ain't no difference in my mind." He grinned at her. "Some because it bugs ya. Gotta say I don't really know why it bugs ya. I mean it's just a job name, like I'm a merc and Kaylee is a mechanic and Doc's a, well doc." He frowned at the last.

An idea came to him. "Ya do know I don't mean it all mean an nasty like Mal seems ta, don't ya?"

"That was why I asked, I wasn't sure what either of you meant by it and I thought knowing what you mean might help me to understand."

Jayne thought about it. "I don't know what he means by it, ta be honest. Just know that when he says it to ya it has a little burr in it that makes it a bad thing. Same for when he asks me if I'm going whorin'. Always sounds like he thinks I'm going out to roll around in go se."

He sat back, his hand stroking his goatee as he thought. "Kaylee says it same as I do, just a job name." He hurriedly explains, "Not that she'd say it about you, just mean when she uses the word." He starts laughing, "Don't think I've ever heard Doc say it, somehow can't imagine that, prolly use five or six words to talk all around it without havin' ta say it."

"I like whores and they got a damn thankless job most a the time, the way people carry on like they're a piece a go se stuck on a shoe. Most of em are real nice people 'til they get treated bad enough times. Sure as hell the 'verse could do without a lot of other folks before it could do without them."

He leaned back in his chair, eyes focused in the distance. "They're a right comfort to a man sometimes when his soul is on the raggedy edge." He came back to himself and looked at her, "And they're just as necessary as 'nough food or anything else keeps a body healthy."

Inara smiled inwardly, leave it to Jayne to wax poetic about whores. "I understand why you don't see a difference between a Companion and a whore now."

Jayne waited for a moment, then asked when she didn't continue. "Why's that?"

Inara smiled, "One of the reasons Companion's insist on the distinction is to separate themselves as respected from whores who aren't respected." She shrugged, "You already respect whores so there truly isn't a difference in your mind, except for perhaps a few tricks and a lot of fancy rituals and things that don't interest you anyway."

Jayne leered at her, "Well now, I'd have to admit a powerful interest in them tricks."

"Oh, you have no idea just how interested you'd be." She started to smirk back at him but was stunned by the look of pure and unmitigated desire that came across his face. She felt her body flush with arousal as she unconsciously licked her lips. Then as suddenly as it had appeared, the look was gone.

If it weren't for the lingering flush of arousal she still felt, she might have thought she had imagined it. That was unsettling, she thought. Not since the heady rush of hormones when she was a teenager had she experienced that sort of rush.

Her Guild training in control had made arousal into an action of the mind which allowed her to enjoy a wide range of body types. On occasion she experienced it from the heart. But this was purely a primal body response. It seemed to bypass any mental or emotional connection.

She took a deep breath and tried to change the tone of the situation. "I'll be picking up Kaylee, Simon and Zoe in the morning." Her voice was still shaky. She took another breath and her voice steadied. "It looks like I will have to relocate from my bunk. Simon wants Kaylee and Zoe to stay in the dorms for the time being to accommodate their varying stages of injury. I talked to Zoe and I'll move back into the shuttle for the time being."

If she was willing to ignore what had just happened, he thought he could keep from making things worse." Jayne grunted. "You got what you need for the shuttle?"

Inara shrugged, "I'll pick up a few things tomorrow after everyone gets back. I should be able to make it comfortable enough for the short term."

"I know Simon ain't gonna be much interested in anything I might say about the Ni Zi, so it'd probably be good for you to tell him how well she's doin' so he don't run in waving a needle first thing." Jayne commented.

Inara nodded in agreement, "I've been talking to him for the last couple of days so it won't come as a huge shock but I'll do my best."

Jayne poured himself a mug of Kaylee's wine. "Said you had what you needed for temporary in the shuttle. You goin' back ta that training place?"

Inara smirked at him. "You can say 'whorein', Jayne, but I must warn you. I'm afraid it will not bother me anymore. At least when you use the word."

His lips twitched, a slight smile appearing. "S'why I didn't say it, just hadn't come up with somethin' else to call it yet."

She couldn't help grinning. "Jayne Cobb! You actually teased me without being rude!"

He glared at her and muttered, "Well, don't be gettin' used to it, won't be takin so much care once the others are back."

Inara wondered at his statement. She had assumed that his change would be more or less universal to all the crew members. She considered his question and whether or not to tell him what she felt at the moment.

Jayne saw her draw into herself. "No need ta tell me if ya aren't ready yet or need to talk to the others first."

She blinked, caught by surprise by his sensitivity. Her initial response was to keep her thoughts private, but by taking a step back and leaving her a graceful way to decline talking, Jayne actually made it possible for her to talk to him. "Would you mind keeping what we talk about private, Jayne? I think I would like to talk it out, sometimes actually saying things out loud clarifies my thoughts."

She wondered why in the world she was willing to talk to Jayne. What had changed between them that her trust for him was so strong. She realized then, that when he had walked away from her rather than take sexual liberties in her weakness that morning, he had become someone she trusted. She wondered at the small things that could make such a drastic change.

Had she not seen him holding River and wanted that type of comfort so badly herself, she would have never considered letting him hold her. Not such small things after all, just things that happened in a short time to completely change the dynamic of how she thought of him.

Jayne nodded, looking at her seriously. "I'll keep it to myself. If'n you trust me."

Taking a deep breath Inara began. "I can't imagine going back to the Guild after what we've seen the Alliance is capable of doing. The Guild is very nearly a part of the government as tightly bound together as they are."

Inara got up and poured Jayne more wine as she prepared another cup of tea for herself. "The Guild feels the same way about me as well, since my involvement in getting the wave out. We have been holding discussions and at the moment I am fighting for them to let me retire, rather than being thrown out."

At his questioning look she explained, "If I retire I can still use the contacts I have made for other types of business. If they throw me out it would become a federal offense for me to contact any of them."

"I'm afraid I'm not being a very good advocate for myself though. I...I guess I don't really want to keep anything I have from my association with them. The only reason I'm even trying is because it may be useful to Mal for getting cargoes."

Jayne's eyes narrowed as he connected a few things. "That why you don't do your rituals and stuff anymore? Cuz you don't want things you learned from them?"

Once again shocked by his perception, she stared at him in amazement. "I didn't realize you were aware of my rituals, or my lack of doing them."

He shrugged, embarrassed that he had shown how closely he had been watching her. "Ain't no big deal, just cuz I don't say anything about what folks do don't mean I don't see. I watch everyone, mostly just habit, it's the only way to stay alive in my business."

It made sense once he had explained, but none the less, she was surprised he connected her rituals to her statement about not wanting anything from the Guild. That was a leap she wouldn't have expected. "Yes, I suppose it is. I just don't seem to be able to handle things that remind me of what I've spent my life achieving." Her voice dropped to barely a whisper. "That is part of why I was feeling so lost last night. Nearly fifteen years of my life gone with nothing to show for it."

"Go Se. Total go se," Jayne said.

Inara looked up, the pain on her face turning to anger.

"You know where I got Vera?" Jayne asked.

Confused by the left field question, Inara shook her head.

"Took her off a man 'at tried to kill me. Same as probably three quarters of the weapons I use the most. How long you think a man in my work'd live if he weren't willing to learn from his enemies? That stuff they taught you is just tools. Just like Vera is a tool, one of my best tools. Throwing useful shit away cuz of where ya got it is stupid."

Inara's anger drained away. She sat gaping.

His eyes drifted away to stare into the past. "Life changes, usually cuz the 'verse up and takes a shitload of stuff way from ya. Gotta just figure out what you got that still works and use it." Coming back to the present and trying to lighten his mood he teased her. "Not that you gotta use all that you got from them. You been a lot more human-y without all yer Companiony wiles and it looks good on ya."

"It helps that you haven't behaved in a manner that required me to use them." She picked up the lighter tone.

"May I...May I ask what you lost, Jayne?" Her voice was soft.

He was silent so long that Inara feared she had gone too far. He began speaking just as she was going to retract the question.

"Ain't always been such a hun dan. Used to have two lights in my life. My little sister Nettie was bright as Kaylee, always cheerful and seeing the best in things. Could always find us together. When she was thirteen and I was fifteen a new girl moved ta town. Sara and Nettie got ta be best friends right away n I ... I fell in love with her. Lost Nettie to some sickness two years later. Lost Sara same year givin' birth to my son. Lost him too."

Jaynes voice was a flat monotone, denying any emotion. "Didn't have no light anymore. Couldn't stay there, my darkness hurt my ma and family too much. Took off inta the black, seemed like a little more darkness wouldn't matter so much out here."

River floated up behind Jayne and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Jayne has found his lights again. Wiggled in through the cracks and woke him up." She drifted around his still form to curl into his lap and wrap her arms around his neck. He sat frozen, resisting her comfort but not pushing her away.

River looked over her shoulder at Inara willing her to come to them. Inara had been uncertain whether he would welcome being comforted. River rolled her eyes at her. Reassured, Inara's innate desire to help people heal came to the fore and she walked around the table to stand behind Jayne.

She placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned into his back, her hands sliding down his arms to hold tightly to him. She rested her cheek on the top of his head as River snuggled her face into his neck.

Jayne was in the middle of a full blown panic attack. He couldn't bring himself to push away from them but he couldn't let go of the hurt he had kept wrapped around himself for so many years. "It's ok boy, it's time, time to be yourself again. Time to be happy again." His ma's voice sounded in his mind. He knew it wasn't really her, most of it was things she had said to him before his darkness took him away from home. He'd just never been able to listen to her until things had changed.

River whispered in his ear. "Listen to ma. You know she is always right."

Slowly, like a boulder cracking away from a mountain, Jayne's shell began to crack. His fists relaxed first as his desire to fight dropped away.

Then his shoulders and chest gave way with a deep breath. The warmth of the two bodies melted the ice along his spine relaxing his body.

The last to go was his face and neck, held ridgedly upright and scowling, trying to deny what was occurring and frightened of exposing himself once more.

It ended with a sigh as battles often do. The planes of his face smoothed dropping years from his countenance. His neck relaxed as he settled his cheek to River's face and he let his head lean against Inara. Deep shudders ran through his body as he breathed deeply.

After a time his body calmed but his mind still raced.

River leaned away from him and looked at Inara. "Take him to the shuttle. I suspected what would happen and prepared it for us."

Inara frowned, uncertain what River meant.

"It is our turn to keep the demons away." River said, as she gently disengaged herself from Jayne.

"Wha..." Jayne looked around confused at the loss of the embrace and still more than a little lost.

Nodding her understanding, Inara took Jayne's hand. "It's ok, we're just moving, Jayne, come with me."

"K." Jayne struggled to his feet and followed the pull of Inara's hand.

Emotions, memories, hurts and pleasures whirled through Jayne's mind at an impossible rate. He wasn't able to think coherently or distinguish the world around him from the kaleidoscope of the past.

Upon entering the shuttle Inara stopped, dismayed by the appearance. River had apparently gone through Inara's few things that had been left in the shuttle when she went away and created a small haven of the bed and surrounding area that struck a familiar chord within Inara. Incense was burning as well as a few candles. Blankets had been scavenged and all in all it was a passable imitation of how Inara would have designed a healing space as a Companion, given the materials available.

Taking strength from Jayne's words about using the tools regardless of where they came from, Inara was able to shift into a healing mode.

She gently urged him to slide into the center of the bed where he curled into a fetal position. After pulling off his boots, she slid into his arms and wrapped hers around him, her legs intertwined with his. She savored the comfortable feel of allowing herself to call on her Guild training and hugged him in thanks.

She looked up over his shoulder when she heard the shuttle door shut and saw River watching them. Inara hadn't expected River, but had no reservations about having her join them. She raised her arm beckoning the girl to the other side of Jayne.

River slid into the bed behind Jayne and tugged on his shoulder to turn him to his back. As he turned over she slid his arm under her and snuggled up to his side, mirroring Inara. Their warmth created a haven for Jayne as they returned the care he had given them since the battle.

He let out a deep sigh as he tightened his hold, pressing them firmly to his sides. His hands caressed their backs out of a tactile desire, not a physical one. Inara raised up to tug the blankets up to cover them, then settled back down along his body. Jayne's breathing began to deepen as their warmth sank into him and his conscious mind, feeling safe, retreated to let his unconscious work through all that had occurred.

Inara's mind relaxed, mulling over the potential that Jayne's observations, regarding the tools the Guild had given her, opened. She examined her skills, looking for the ones most likely to be of use in her new life. A life, she realized now, would be here on Serenity. She had forgotten, in the haze of all she had lost, what she had found when she returned to the ship. The sense of coming home. Of being where she belonged with the people that she belonged to. It seemed odd that it was strongest with the two she held in her arms. But it seemed very right.

River let the calm her two friends were feeling soak into her mind. She began to consider herself. She was in the odd position of having become aware over the last few days that she was much too sane. From a medical perspective she literally _couldn't _be as sane as she was, especially without the medications Simon had been giving her. She knew exactly what had been done to her and it shouldn't be possible.

For a time, she had considered the idea that perhaps she only thought she was being sane and in reality, given how flexible the academy had taught her reality could be, she was sitting in a corner somewhere drooling. Her solution to that circular argument had been to simply behave as if the sanity were real.

Now, as she sank into the physical contact with both Inara and Jayne, it became clear to her that it wasn't her mind that was keeping her sane. Somehow in the bubble of protection and care and the blessed silence of only two other minds, the part of her that had been let loose in the academy had burrowed into these two other people and into the shelter of their minds.

She followed the tendrils of herself and along one path she could taste Inara, the iron control she had learned as a Companion and the compassion for others that made her so effective. The control gave River the strength to control herself and keep herself separate when other minds were around. Locking the minds of others outside a screen she could reach out through but that didn't allow them into her. The compassion allowed her to forgive herself the things she had done to survive.

Along the other path she could taste Jayne. His understanding of what she had been turned into. He didn't have the education to understand the how or the curiosity and imagination to speculate on the morals or the desire. It was the way of those in power.

Thats why he didn't take part in the war. One authority was the same as any other to him. The one in charge always stepped on the ones that weren't. Brown, purple or pink with yellow polka dots, give them ten years and they'd be the same.

But he had seen what she could do and in his linear way it was clear to him that she had done it before and would again. If those in power had a weapon they used it. It was the nature of power. He didn't weep for a poor damaged girl, he felt awe and pride in her for surviving.

This acceptance kept her from being swallowed by guilt for the deaths she had caused and even to an extent from the memories of what had been done to her. He was a stone that anchored her to herself when she could get lost in all the pieces of others her mind bore, he knew who and what she was, therefor she knew what was hers and what wasn't.

Between the two of them they provided River's mind with the parts it was missing. She worried over what it might become eventually and hoped that they would forgive her when they found out. She knew that they would find out some day because whatever was happening wasn't done yet. But there was nothing she could do, it had already begun without her knowledge. The only thing she could do to end it would be to take her own life. Unfortunately, she was already too sane to do so.

River let herself go, sinking deeper into her protection and drifting into healing sleep.

Unknown by the three, River's mind continued its work, burrowing and twining itself around the same areas in Jayne and Inara that had been modified in her. Like the brain itself will create new grooves when a portion has been damaged, the tendrils that science, if one could call it that, had freed from the confines of River's brain sought out what was needed to make her whole.

The tendril that connected her to Jayne began to notice the tendril that connected her to Inara and moved toward the familiar energy. As it tasted the subtle differences from its sibling's interaction with Inara's brain, it recognized something that smelled of the gold of completion. The tendrils twined and faded into each other.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The sound of the shuttle door slamming and a startled female gasp brought Jayne out of a deep sleep. He attempted to jump up and grab a gun but found himself pinned to the bed by two warm female forms. He could see Kaylee near the door, both hands covering her mouth.

"I'm sorry, I...What? I mean..." Kaylee's face ran through a kaleidoscope of emotions from the need to giggle at the look on Jayne's face, to confusion at the situation to her happy look at how sweet the three looked all snuggled up together.

Inara and River struggled to wakefulness, both having been disturbed when Jayne attempted to jump up. "Wha..." they said in unison, then stopped speaking as their eyes focused on Kaylee.

Kaylee couldn't restrain her nature and her giggles finally broke through at the expressions on the crew member's faces.

"Ya better get it together afor Simon and Zoe get up here. We was worried when no one was around." As the three sat up she was relieved to see they were dressed. Well, relieved but a might disappointed too since it would have been really good gossip if they'd been up to more than it looked. She spotted Jayne's boots at the foot of the bed and tossed them up to him.

"Oh, my, I thought ... How did you get back? Did we oversleep?" Inara inquired as she jumped up and began to straighten her clothes.

River nudged Jayne with her shoulder and pointed at his shoes as she climbed out of the bed and began straightening the room and bed.

The ladies had a huge jump on Jayne as far as having a clue went. He not only didn't know why Kaylee was there, he didn't even know why he was there or why he was in bed with River and Inara. He frowned as he tried to puzzle that out. Surely they hadn't...Not with River...hell not with Inara either. That thought distracted him a bit as he wouldn't mind with Inara but... No back to the moment . He looked up from his thoughts to see Kaylee grinning madly at him.

"I didn't, I mean we didn't, at least I don't think..." He looked around at River and Inara, helplessly hoping someone would tell him what was going on.

Unable to contain their mirth completely the two women began to grin at him.

"What the ruttin' hell is going on?" He growled. In spite of the words there was no bite to his voice, he couldn't help himself with both of them grinning. For some damn reason he wanted to grin back at them.

"Hurry, Jayne, put your boots on before someone gets shot." Inara grinned impishly.

"Or cut up or stuck with a needle." River grimaced, then her face mirrored Inara's grin.

Jayne quickly came to the conclusion that it didn't really matter why he woke here, the only person of the three of them liable to get anything done to them was him, even if he didn't know why yet. Well, except for the needles, that could be River or him and since he didn't want that to happen to either of them, he quickly began pulling on his boots.

River and whispered, "Hurry!" Then dashed through the door yelling, "Simon!"

They heard a murmured reply and then River unleashed a stream of consciousness on Simon, delaying him further.

Having been bought time, Jayne, crawled off the bed and began helping Inara straighten. Kaylee, getting into the spirit of things, nudged the burned out candles and incense off the back of a table so they would fall out of sight.

They all stood guiltily as they heard the door open.

"We were just helping Inara decide what she need to pick up for the shuttle today, ge ge, we must not have heard the ramp open."

Jayne finally got into the swing of things and focused, as survival situations tended to do for him, and stuffed his confusion away. Realizing that they all looked guilty as hell, he took a couple of smooth steps over and flopped down to lounge on the couch.

Catching on, Inara began to speak to Kaylee. "I am very sorry, I must have lost track of time. How did you get here?"

Kaylee grinned, deciding whether to play with her friend first or be kind. Finally, she relented. "Naw we're just a lot early. Zoe found out there was a shuttle coming down and between her and Simon goin' at em up there, I think they let us come down in self defense."

Finally back on an even keel, Inara took Kaylee in her arms, "Welcome home, mei mei. How are you feeling?"

Kaylee shrugged, "I been feelin' fine for awhile now 'ceptin I get dizzy spells now and again. Only had a couple o' spells yesterday so they said I could come down now that Simon can keep an eye on me. Ain't supposed to climb ladders or be up high 'til the spells are gone."

Simon, with River's arms wrapped around his waist, finally made it in the door followed closely by Zoe, who had heard River yelling.

Zoe looked around. She'd heard River's explanation as to what they were doing here but something didn't quite ring true. Mostly since the idea of Jayne having any interest in what Inara needed for the shuttle didn't set right.

Her eyes narrowed as she took in Jayne's posture on the couch. He had the guilty look of someone trying hard to look innocent. Yup, somethin' not quite right.

"Zoe." Jayne nodded to her. "Glad ta have ya back."

"Jayne." She nodded back. Yup, definitely not right, Jayne wasn't ever glad to see someone that wasn't rescuing him.

"Tired of dealing with those damn Alliance hun dans."

Ah, she could sympathize with that, maybe he did feel like he was being rescued.

"I need to see what all they been doin' to my girl." Kaylee asserted.

"And I need to get you down to the infirmary for a full physical, mei mei." Simon said.

"No shots!" River growled at him.

"We'll see."

"No shots, please!" Her calm began deserting her and an edge of panic crept into her voice. "Promise?"

"You know I can't promise that, River." He said as he began to urge her along, his arm around her waist.

River's eyes flew to Jayne for support.

"Why the hell not? She's been fine for better'n a week now." Jayne growled sitting up from his lounging position. "What'd she need a shot now for?"

Simon glared at him, "I won't know that until I examine her. Will I? And you are not exactly able to know what she needs or if she is fine. I am her doctor."

Jayne began to answer. Then stopped himself. If he was the one to push any further, likely the doc would find a reason to give her a shot whether she needed one or not. He looked at Inara, his eyes begging her to take over.

"She really has been fine, Simon," Inara began. "She has been laughing, playing and doing chores. She has nightmares occasionally but at the moment that is hardly unique."

"Doing chores?" Simon asked incredulously. "You gave her chores?"

"Yes, Jayne thought that..." Inara started to explain.

"Jayne thought? No doubt trying to keep from doing his own."

"She likes having chores and being useful, please don't say she can't continue." River asked, the fear that they would be taken away evident in her voice.

"As I said, I will give her a physical and then make those decisions." Then looking down at River and hugging her. "Don't worry mei mei, Jayne was just trying to get out of work, you don't have to do his chores for him."

Unable to take any more, Jayne exploded. "Did ya even listen to her? She done said she _wanted_ ta do em."

"Of course she did," Simon snarled. "And I am certain that you applied a great deal of guilt telling her how useless she was if she didn't do them."

"No!" River whimpered.

"He most certainly did not." Inara stated flatly. "I was there when he asked her. She was absolutely delighted to have chores of her own." She smiled at the memory. "He even explained to her that she wasn't supposed to be happy, that she was supposed to complain and growl that she had been given chores."

Zoe's flat gaze lightened minimally as she considered the image of the merc teaching River the 'proper' reaction to being given something to do.

"Whats wrong with her havin' chores?" Kaylee finally interjected. "Everyone has chores at home. S'part of what makes family."

"Not if a person is not capable, I won't have her bullied into doing things. She is already family." Simon stated. He was beginning to get quite angry at everyone second guessing him. He was the Doctor, he would make the choices.

"Enough." Zoe broke into the conversation before it could get out of hand. "Doc you go do your examination, we'll discuss the chores later. Ain't a bad idea, but we'll talk about it after." Watching the dynamics of the exchange had given Zoe pause.

River looked to Jayne for support and Jayne had looked to Inara and gotten it. Things had been downright strange ever since she had walked into the shuttle. For now she would settle for defusing the situation and sort out the rest later.

After Simon had led the clearly unhappy River away, Zoe looked to Inara. "I'd like to see Wash now."

"Jayne, you show Kaylee around to see what all they've done to the ship." Zoe called out and Jayne headed to his bunk to get River's drawings and his notes. "And Jayne," She waited as Jayne turned around. "Thank you."

He knew she was talking about Wash. "Deserved the best we could do for him," he grunted and turned away.

Zoe swallowed and her expression hardened to contain her emotion. How not Jayne-like, she mused briefly before moving to follow Inara.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Zoe looked down on Wash's face. "Hey baby," she murmured. She was grateful that she hadn't had to see his broken body and at the same time sad that she hadn't been the one to prepare him for his rest.

She caressed his face. So cold and still, she thought. She smiled down at him, "You'd a got a kick out of watching Jayne stick up for River. Was all sorts of wrong to that." She bent down to whisper in his ear. "I'm gonna miss you somethin' fierce baby. Don't know how I'm gonna go on without you." A solitary tear tricked down her cheek to splash on his. "I'm so sorry." Her thumb caressed the tear streak off his cheek.

Inara watched over Zoe from the catwalk. She was far enough away to give privacy but close enough to be available if needed. She frowned as she felt a small tickle of worry for River spring up in her mind. She shook it away. Simon was a good doctor, River would be fine.

* * *

Jayne and Kaylee were walking through the ship with Jayne pointing out locations that corresponded to River's map. Kaylee was enamored of River's drawing of the interior of the Serenity. She glowed to see her girl's workin's shown so clearly on paper. 

Jayne's head came up as he searched the air for the signs of what had suddenly began to bother him. His hand rested on his gun. "You go on ahead Kaylee, I'll catch up. Need to check on River."

Kaylee watched Jayne stalk down the hallway a tiny smile on her face. She'd never heard Jayne say River's name before. "Not to fret, Jayne, I'm sure Simon is taking good care of her." She called after him.

The nagging in Inara's mind that she should check on River became stronger. After considering Zoe's still form hunched over Wash, she decided she could probably check on River quickly and be back in plenty of time to be available if Zoe needed her.

She broke into a run when she heard River shriek. Rounding the doorway to the infirmary she pulled up, aghast at the sight before her. River lay huddled on exam table while Jayne stood holding Simon's arm at the wrist preventing him from using the hypo he had in his hand.

Jayne's countenance appeared stonelike, one side of his face flushed red from a blow. "Calm down Doc, don't make me hurt ya!" He growled.

"Let go of me you ape, you have no right. I am her brother and doctor, she must have these medications!" Simon flailed his free hand trying to hit Jayne again while Jayne easily blocked him.

Simon was angry and frightened. He couldn't understand why Jayne would attack him for no reason. At least no sensible reason. He had run his tests and River's chemical balance was definitely off. She had to have the medications. He didn't believe she'd ever been ok, he chalked it up to Jayne ignoring her and Inara being so distressed she hadn't noticed. River obviously wasn't fine now and he had the tests to prove it, not to mention the way she had been behaving.

Inara held her hand out to River and pulled her from the table when she grasped the hand like a life preserver. Placing herself between River and the confrontation Inara held River behind her. "Simon! You must stop!"

Sputtering with indignation Simon spat his words at her. "You? You stick up for this...this..." His rage was so great he was unable to think of an appropriately vile description.

The sound of a pistol cocking caused Jayne to freeze, knowing with a certainty that the mare's leg was pointed at him. "What in the hell is going on in here?" Zoe's voiced rasped, still filled with her grief.

Taking advantage of Jayne's immobility, Simon finally grabbed a suitable weapon and lashed out for Jayne's jugular, the small scalpel glinting in the light.

"NO!" River screamed.

Jayne tucked his chin to his shoulder as he brought it up to shield his throat and shifted into the attack. The scalpel laid open the shoulder to the bone. Spinning, Jayne backhanded Simon, sending him staggering out the infirmary to sprawl across the couch.

Zoe was quite aware that Jayne had gone to an unusual amount of effort to not damage Simon. In any other instance Jayne would have killed the person where they stood. Simon obviously was not laboring under any similar restraint as he gathered himself to attack.

Zoe stepped in front of him and settled the barrel of her mare's leg on his forehead. "If you get up, I will end you." She stated coldly.

Unbelieving, Simon stared into her cold eyes, still red from mourning her loss.

"But he attacked _me!_" He screeched.

Zoe just stared him down. "Not true."

Simon's jaw hung open in astonishment. "You can't be serious. You're taking his side?"

"Ain't about sides. It's about the truth of the matter and the truth is, if Jayne had attacked you, you'd be dead or unconscious."

Inara gasped as Jayne slumped against the exam table, his hand pressed tightly to the gash, trying to hold the flap of skin and muscle from his shoulder closed.

"Don't move." Zoe ordered Simon.

Inara grabbed bandages from a cabinet. Still weeping, River jumped onto the table and using scissors cut Jayne's shirt away. Pulling Jayne's hand away from the wound, she whimpered. "Too much damage, Simon will have to fix." She looked at Simon imploringly. "Please."

Inara began cleaning the wound and placing a makeshift bandage on the shoulder to at least get the bleeding stopped.

"Hell no!" Jayne growled. "He ain't getting no wheres near me."

"I'm not doing anything until someone tells me what is going on." Simon stated with finality.

Zoe had no tolerance left in her. Her voice cut through the air, cold as the black, "Thats two times you've refused care to members of this crew to suit yourself. Do it again and die. Am I clear?"

Kaylee's gasp at this pronouncement was the first they knew she was present. "Simon didn't mean it like that, I'm sure, didya, Simon." Her eyes filled with tears, "Please tell me you wasn't really gonna refuse ta fix Jayne."

Simon avoided her eyes. Part of him wanted to take the words back yet he felt deeply wronged. The man had verbally attacked him on sight, then physically attacked him while he was attempting to take care of River. Inara had taken Jayne's side twice and then when he successfully defended himself Zoe threatened to kill him!

"I can take you up to the medship in the shuttle." Inara suggested to Jayne.

Jayne, liking this idea much better, nodded his agreement. Then struck by a thought, he nudged Inara with his elbow and after making eye contact, glanced at River. Frowning she looked at River also, then grimaced when she realized the problem. They didn't want to leave her here, yet it was still a very bad idea to take her onto an Alliance ship.

"Probably best." Zoe announced.

Taking a deep breath and gritting his teeth against the pain, Jayne looked at Simon. "Naw, reckon even pissed off, three percent here is better than them hundan's. If'n he's willing I'll let him fix me up." He glared at Simon, "but I'm stayin' awake." He drew his pistol and laid it alongside his leg.

Taken aback by this development, Zoe considered Jayne for a long moment.

River turned her pleading eyes to Simon.

"That'll work, won't it Simon?" Kaylee said hopefully, trying to nudge her world back on its rightful axis. "Tell 'im you'll do it."

"You sure?" Zoe asked Jayne. "I can watch out for River while Inara runs you up."

Simon's head snapped around to look at Zoe. He was just beginning to realize that sometime in the last half-hour he had lost the right to watch over his sister. What in the hell was going on?!

Jayne winced when he attempted to shrug. "Don't blame him much, know he loves his sister and meant the best. Just disagree on whether or not it's the best." While Jayne meant what he said, he wasn't very excited about Simon working on him. "'Sides, they'd probably keep me a week once I got there."

He reckoned it was the best thing all around though. Jayne remembered the conversation he'd had with Simon after Ariel. Now, he just hoped Simon did too. 'Sides he and Inara couldn't leave the ni zi here alone with folks that didn't understand how well she was doing.

Stumped, Zoe looked at Jayne, then looked around at the other crew members. It was so wrong it was, well, Wrong. Zoe was comforted by how Wash that thought felt.

River and Inara were both watching Jayne with small approving smiles while Simon and Kaylee had looks on their faces she was sure matched her own for shock (of course her own look of shock consisted of her eyes widening a fraction). And there sat Jayne, of all people, being the reasonable one.

"Fine." Simon said in his cold doctor's voice. "But I expect some explanations when we are finished." He approached Jayne virtually forcing Inara to jump back and give him room.

"I'll be assisting." Zoe stated flatly looking Simon in the eyes.

Holding her gaze for a couple of heartbeats he met her glare with one of his own. Then nodded curtly.

"River, honey, why don't we go prepare some breakfast." Inara took River's hand and led her out of the infirmary. River followed docilely, her sad gaze still resting on Simon.

"Kaylee, best get back to lookin' to the ship before the mechanics are back knockin' on our door. And watch yourself, don't be climbin' anything." Zoe ordered.

Kaylee nodded. Her eyes still wet with tears. She just didn't understand what was going on. She couldn't figure out how Jayne could feel he needed to protect River from Simon or how Simon could hurt someone or not give'em medical attention. She changed direction and headed for the galley. She needed some answers before she went back to work.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Simon made the final stitch. "There you're done. Now I want some answers."

Zoe answered, "I'm thinkin' the man needs some rest first."

As Simon's face tightened in anger, Jayne gestured to Zoe. He flopped his head back and closed his eyes. "It's ok, just get Inara and River down here."

"No." Simon blurted, "River has no need to be down here. I want answers from you as to why you think you can interrupt my treatments. It was bad enough that you risked her life while I was gone by not following my instructions. How dare you assault me verbally and then physically for trying to do whats best for her."

Jayne responded with tired anger. "See, now thats exactly the problem right there. Did you even talk to her before you decided what you were gonna do, or had you already decided before you even got on the shuttle?"

"I spoke with her and she did not seem well."

"And you know what? From the time you told her she needed a physical, she's looked the worst she has since the day after." Jayne shot back. "She ain't had a single fit that weren't related to a nightmare in all that time."

"I don't believe you."

"I wouldn'ta expected any different, thats why I want Inara and the ni zi down here."

Zoe picked up the com and called the galley and asked Inara to bring River and come back to the infirmary.

Jayne lay his head back and closed his eyes while they waited.

Inara walked in with River holding tightly to her hand. Thinking that Jayne was asleep she asked quietly. "Will he be ok?"

When Simon refused to answer, Zoe nodded. "He will. He'll have to be careful for a time and do some physical therapy to get back in shape." She shrugged, "nothin' he don't already know and do."

Jayne raised his head. "Doc, here won't believe me when I say River's doin' fine. Figured I'd let you two have a go at 'im."

When Inara began to answer, River squeezed her hand and interrupted. "I would speak for myself."

"I promise you Simon, I am more sane than you believe. I am doing well. I have chores that I enjoy." She gave him a blinding grin. "I am in charge of keeping the galley clean and I do it well." She said proudly.

His face softened as he looked at her.

"Sounds like she is doing fine to me." Zoe commented.

"She can't be." Simon's expression became fervent as he tried to make Zoe understand. "I have her brain scans, there is no possible way she can be ok. She doesn't physically have the parts of her brain necessary to be ok. And not two hours ago she wasn't doing well at all."

"Yet she ..." Zoe began.

River interrupted. "He is correct. I shouldn't be. It should be impossible. Yet it is so."

Jayne startled them by giving a harsh chuckle. "Girl does the impossible every day and twice on weekends. Ain't hardly surprising anymore."

Zoe looked from River to Simon. "River, why do you not want the meds. I understand you feel ok without them, but you seem to be resisting them for more reasons than just not thinking you need them."

"Balance has been achieved. I fear that taking them will destroy that balance. I can feel again. Feel properly, not overwhelmed, not numb. I can smile and laugh. Even if the drugs did not take away the balance they make me numb. They make me clumsy in my mind, like things are a step out of phase and not quite where they look like they are. When I was not sane that felt better, not good, just better, because it slowed me down to be able to comprehend what I was looking at and hearing. I fear that they will lock me back inside myself and make me alone again." River looked down dropping her hair in front of her face and clenching Inara's hand tightly in both of hers.

"Anything you want to add, Inara?" Zoe asked.

Inara straightened and for the first time since the battle she enfolded herself in the persona of a Companion in full possession of her skills. "Only to tell you what I have seen the last week and a half. I've watched a young woman blossom. I've seen her laugh and play and even play jokes on Jayne. I've seen her joy in being offered an opportunity to participate in her family through having responsibilities. I haven't seen her lose her place or become uncontrollable. The only time she has seemed upset is when she wakes from her nightmares."

Zoe nodded and turned to Simon. "Simon?"

"Not giving her the medicine risks what remaining sanity she has and possibly her life. None of you are competent to diagnose or make these choices. I have done the necessary tests and the chemicals in her brain are seriously out of balance. If she has _seemed _ok it is not the norm and definitely not reliable. These drugs are not something you give as needed, to function properly they must achieve a certain level in the body and that level must be maintained. You must allow me to proceed as I know best." His eyes glittered with barely suppressed rage at the interference and pain for the necessity of making a difficult choice for the sister he loved.

Inara allowed the compassion she felt for Simon to show as she responded. "By the standards you are holding us to, you aren't competent either, Simon. You are a surgeon, which by no stretch of the imagination prepares you to be a psych."

"This is a purely medical decision, I am treating measurable chemical in-balances in a brain I know to be missing key elements." Simon snapped back.

"Yet we are discussing how rational River is. Which _is_ a psych question and the patient has requested that the medicine be discontinued as it adversely effects her ability to be rational. Yet you have no desire to take her state of mind or requests into consideration." Inara responded, still showing respect in tone and body language.

Once again Jayne surprised them when he spoke. They had all thought him well asleep. "We ain't got intent to take from ya Doc, nor shame ya in any way. Just need ya to stop and think that maybe there's something happenin' here that you don't know all about yet."

Simon glared at Jayne like he was a predator baiting a trap with sweet honeyed words. Words with the sole purpose of making him look bad. What little success Inara had had with her words was immediately burned away.

"You got a particular reason for thinking she could die doc?" Zoe asked.

"Seizures, having a psychotic break and hurting herself or someone else." He snapped. "I suppose that's not bad enough, yet the second one of those happens you'll be yelling at me to control my sister."

"Here's what we are going to do. No shots. We'll talk about it once a day to revisit the question until everyone is satisfied, one way or the other." She caught Simon's eye. "No – shots."

Simon turned to leave the infirmary.

"Simon." Zoe commanded. "I'll need to hear your agreement."

"You won't." He growled through clenched teeth. "As the doctor you can give me orders regarding care of the crew. As her _brother_ I'll have to do as I see fit."

"Then I'll be locking the infirmary under command lock and I need you to give me the hypo in your pocket." She ordered, holding out her hand for the hypo.

Sneering, he ripped it out of his pocket and slapped it into her hand. Spinning on his heels with almost military precision in his anger, he turned and stomped out of the infirmary.

With a sigh Zoe turned back to Jayne, then looked at Inara and River. River was perched on the edge of the table leaning against Inara. Inara was stroking her back while River clutched Jayne's hand in one of hers and Inara's in the other. "I need to have a word with Jayne."

Inara patted Jayne on the chest while River gave Zoe a searching look, her eyes still glassy with tears.

"Go on, I ain't mad at him." Zoe clarified.

River nodded and after kissing Jayne on the cheek, she followed Inara out.

Stopping in the hallway, River looked up at Inara. "I should go see if I can talk to Simon," she stated sadly. I don't think it will do any good right now but the effort must be made. He thinks we should leave the ship now that the warrants have been lifted."

"Do what you can mei mei. I'm sure you know, but it is fear for your safety that is making him so angry. I'm sure that with time and seeing you do so well he will come to understand."

Shrugging helplessly, River leaned against Inara taking comfort from her embrace, "I think that is true but right now all he feels is betrayal. He feels that everyone has chosen Jayne over him, even me. He cannot allow himself to believe that Jayne could be right when it comes to my health. He was so worried about me. While recovering he became very focused on getting back so he could take care of me. He invested too much in needing to save me again that he cannot bring himself to believe I didn't need rescued."

River hid her face against Inara and sniffed. "He feels left out, un-needed and despises himself for attempting to kill Jayne and then refusing to help him. He had promised himself he would never refuse aid again and broke his word. Didn't mean to, just came out." Her voice barely a murmer, "Easier to hate everyone else than himself."

"I know, mei mei. We just have to make sure he stays long enough to come around. Your brother is a good person, just lost." Inara stroked River's hair giving the girl comfort. She wondered if there was anyone on the ship her words didn't apply to other than possibly Kaylee.

River leaned away and gave Inara a watery smile. "Thank you."

She finger brushed River's hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Now go wash your face, a woman doesn't need a man to know she's crying over him." She smiled gently, "Unless it is useful."

After a half-hearted grin and a last quick hug, River darted off to go clean up and see her brother.

* * *

Zoe crossed her arms and looked steadily at Jayne. "Why?"

"Why what?" Jayne growled, his eyes still closed.

"Don't pull that go se, Jayne. I watched. You let him cut you and you moved into the line of fire so that I couldn't shoot him. You're protecting River, which is new. You and Inara with the whole tag team on Simon. Pick something and explain it."

Jayne threw his good arm up over his eyes. His voice grated like a distant thunderstorm. "Inara, Wash and even River. Ain't none of 'em shoulda been there. Yet the only reason any a us walked away from that was 'cuz of them."

Zoe froze at the sound of Wash's name, her eyes glittering darkly.

"Wasn't right, Zoe, shoulda been me; or Mal. Even you. It's what we're there for. It's what ya pay me ta do. I'm sorry."

Zoe took a shaky breath. She understood and agreed with him. It should have been her, not Wash. She forced herself to say something. "It's the nature of a fire fight. Ain't never the ones that should go down that do." As the words came out of her mouth a tight knot deep in her chest eased. She wasn't ready to let it go yet but just the easing allowed her to breath again.

Jayne hurried on as if he knew she wouldn't be able to take anymore on that subject. "Let the doc cut me cuz I thought it might knock him out of his anger. He ain't cut out for hurtin' folk, thought he might step back and take another look." Finally, he moved his arm and looked at her. "Didn't want to hurt 'im cuz if he were the one interfering with me lookin' after my sis, he'd a already been dead. Can't fault a man for lookin' after his own."

Zoe studied Jayne's eyes searching for truth. He met her gaze steadily and waited. "Best get on to your bunk and rest." She sighed deeply. "Gotta protect the infirmary from our doc, looks like." She shook her head. Seemed Jayne's 'own' had gotten a little bigger than just himself finally.

Jayne struggled to his feet.

"Need any help?" She asked.

"Naw, reckon I can get there."

As she coded the lock on the infirmary, Zoe saw Inara get up from her seat on the stairs and pull Jayne's good arm over her shoulders to support him.

* * *

River found Simon pacing in front of his bunk. "Ge Ge," she called timidly.

He stopped and for a brief moment his gaze softened. He loved her. She was his life. Then he recalled that the doctor patient relationship was hard. Often patients resisted what was best for them. A good doctor couldn't afford to play into their self pity. A good doctor had to use whatever tools he had, whether threats, cajolery or outright bullying to get the patient to do what was right for them. He was deathly afraid of what the tests had shown him.

Just as River began to respond happily to his lighter expression, his face hardened again. "Have you come to ask for your medication?"

Startled at the walls his face and mind threw up, her face fell. She shook her head. "No," she whispered.

"You are committing suicide, endangering yourself and those around you. I cannot stand by and let you do that. I love you but I won't watch and I won't support you in that choice. We have nothing to say to each other that doesn't include you getting your medicine." With that statement, he stepped into his bunk and shut the door.

River stood staring at the door. She tried to reach him with her mind but couldn't move past the walls of anger and fear that he projected. She had felt the cracks for just a fragment of time when he first saw her, then he had decided and closed off the door. He believed. He believed it was necessary and his emotions wouldn't let him see anything other than what he believed.

Simon stood inside the closed door shivering with emotion. He listened carefully and held himself together until he heard her soft tread go up the stairs. While he assumed she would know, as she always seemed to, when he broke down. He couldn't allow himself to do so while she was standing outside.

Finally, certain that she was gone he collapsed to sit on the edge of his bed. Agony was writ harsh on his face as he gasped for breath. His fingers twitched with the desire to run after her and pull her into his arms and chase the demons away as he had always done. He knew he couldn't; couldn't allow her to see his weakness. He had to be strong, for her own good.

* * *

A dark cloud hovered over the dinner table as the crew, minus Simon, took their meal.

Inara, more comfortable now with the tools of a Companion, provided the only calming presence at the table.

Jayne exuded pain. He hadn't rested well but had forced himself to be present in support of River. He was the only one actually eating.

Zoe was present but missing as she dwelt on the pain in her heart, grieving.

River hid behind her veil of hair while Kaylee's heart broke at the rift between her loved ones. Simon wouldn't speak to her and she didn't understand why the others wouldn't believe him if he said River needed medicine.

She liked River but was frightened of her, especially since seeing what she had done to all those Reavers. It weren't right the things she could do. Anyone could see that and Kaylee trusted Simon. She knew he loved River and only wanted to do what was right by her. He was so smart and all, he had to be right. If he felt River could be a danger to them or herself she believed him. She couldn't stand it if another one of the family died.

"I just don't understand. I don't see how ya can all think he wants to hurt River." She finally had to say.

Inara placed her chopsticks carefully on her plate. Selecting her words carefully she looked at Kaylee and spoke kindly. "We don't believe he wants to hurt her, mei mei. We just feel he is unable to see her as she is now and wants to give her treatment that is inappropriate. We absolutely believe that he wants what is best for her."

"He says he ran tests and she needs the stuff. An ounce a preventions better'n a pound a cure, my mama always said and if somethin' goes wrong in her head since she ain't got the meds we could all be in trouble. It just ain't makin' sense, you all turnin' on him so sudden like. Like ya don't trust him anymore, lockin' the infirmary. It's gonna break his heart." Kaylee got up and ran from the room.

River took her plate and got up to get Kaylee's. As Inara started to bring hers and help, River shook her head. "No. She...I must do this myself. It is my responsibility."

"It's fine for someone to help. It doesn't mean anything." Inara responded.

"No. Today ... I must do this. I must show that I am able to do my chores, even when I am unhappy."

Inara understood River's need to prove her capability and handed River her plate. After kissing her on the forehead, Inara returned to her shuttle to finish decorating.

Jayne ran his hand down River's hair and smiled at her when she picked up his plate. He headed back to his bunk, hoping to get some sleep.

Zoe watched as River did the dishes. She pushed herself back from the table and went to help dry. When River began to argue, she interrupted. "You proved you can do it. Now prove you can let someone help."

Silently River handed her a plate to dry.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jayne shifted uncomfortably in his bunk. With all that had come about since Simon had cut him, he hadn't got a smoother. Then he hadn't felt like making Zoe go unlock the infirmary to get him one. Didn't matter. Pain didn't bother him, much.

Seemed odd that after spending two weeks on the couch in the dorms his bunk would feel uncomfortable. Would'a thought he'd be glad to get back to it. He shifted again. When his bunk door clanked open, he reached up and grabbed Sally and slid her down next to his leg. He hoped it wasn't Simon, he'd used up all of Jayne's good will today.

He breathed a sigh of relief when a small bare foot stepped onto the first rung of the ladder and he put Sally back up on the gun rack. He watched as the bare feet and white nightgown gracefully descended the ladder until it was visible to the waist. Rivers pale face appeared as she bent to look under the edge of the bulkhead, a hesitant smile appeared on her face as she saw him awake.

"What'cha doin' ni zi?" He rumbled softly.

Taking his question as permission to enter she dropped the rest of the way into the room.

"Go ahead and leave it open," he instructed when she reached to shut the door. "Don't want to give anyone reason to think somethin' wrong is goin' on. Though since it's Zoe and not Mal we'd prolly get a chance to explain without me getten' shot."

"Can't sleep." She said, as she let her hair fall forward to veil her face.

"Don't need to worry, we'll get through this. Simon'll settle down and see you're doin' better and make up with ya."

She shrugged, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. "Thinks we should leave now that the warrants are canceled. Trying one more time to give the girl a shot. Trying to talk Kaylee into opening the infirmary. Thinks she is sleeping." Her small hands twisted the seams of her nightgown at her sides as she made her broken speech.

"Ai ya!" Jayne muttered. His heart was breaking, her talkin' hadn't been this broken in nearly a week and a half. "Reckon you can curl up here with me then." He sighed. "Best leave that door open though."

Jayne pushed himself up and rolled his pillow behind himself into the corner, then settled back, his legs catty-corner across the bed. She hurried over and curled up small by his side, her head resting on his chest.

He pulled a blanket over them, tucked it behind her and let his bad arm rest along her back and side.

* * *

The muted clank of Jayne's bunk opening had brought Zoe back to herself. She sat curled in the new seat that had replaced Wash's old one. Her hands cradled a handful of dinosaurs in her lap. She turned to look down the passageway in time to see the top of River's head disappear into Jayne's bunk. The door started to shut then popped back open.

After River hadn't reappeared in a few minutes she gently replaced the dino's in their proper places, cat-footed to the bunk and crouched down listening intently. All she could hear was a muted growling noise. After listening for a bit she began to discern something of a pattern to the noise. Humming? Jayne was humming? Her brows narrowed at that idea. If you could call a buzz saw gone wrong heard through cotton stuffed in your ears, humming, that is. Zoe was both comforted and saddened by the Wash-like thought.

She stood and returned to her nest. She picked up a dinosaur and turned it in her fingers then enclosed it in a fist, the knuckles turning white with pressure as the little feet dug into her hand. All she had wanted to do was get back to the ship and say good-bye to her man. And then the day had turned into a gorram twisted about mess.

She was goin' to have to speak with the Captain about this gōushī. She wondered if she could get them to let him out. Might do Simon a world of good to have a patient that actually needed him to calm him and get him thinking straight.

She didn't think she was able to fix this mess. Not even when she was doin' fine. Mal had taken a group of folk that in any other place wouldn't work. Hell, couldn't work. Most of 'em wouldn't a ever spoke to each other anywhere else and that was the good outcome. Yet, somehow, in spite of his gorram plans and tendency to jump too quick and overreact to damn near everything, he held 'em together.

She wasn't him. She was his second. Hell, at this point she wasn't even sure she was that. Mostly she was just a woman hurting at the loss of her man.

She heard the soft whisper of feet in the passageway and turned, expecting to see River leaving Jayne's bunk. Instead she saw Inara ghosting down into his bunk. Again she waited, expecting Inara to come back out. When she didn't reappear, Zoe slipped down the passageway and crouched to listen.

She waited.

* * *

Jayne was awake again. He'd finally fallen asleep after River dozed off and been wakened when Inara's head had come to rest on his thigh. He shifted his legs to give her a little more room. Gorram bed just weren't made for three.

Inara shifted a little when he moved and then her hand tucked underneath his leg and pulled it back tight against her body. She murmured, then settled as he ran his fingers through her hair, soothing her.

Jayne looked at the bunk doorway. A different scent had caught his attention. He smirked. 'Hope it ain't noone else lookin' for a place ta sleep cuz if it was they'd have to start on the floor', he thought. Finally, he identified the scent. Zoe.

"Come on down if you've a mind to, Zoe." He called softly. Hell everyone else was.

Zoe climbed down the ladder.

She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow at the sight he presented, all covered in women. "Don't seem like that'd be comfortable for ya." She commented.

Jayne chuckled then turned more serious, knowing she didn't mean the position. "Weren't that long ago it wouldn't a been."

Pain glinted in Zoe's eyes. "Know the feeling." She watched as he looked away in embarrassment. She could remember like it was yesterday how strange it had felt the first few times she and Wash had spent the whole night together.

Uncomfortable with the pain he saw, Jayne changed the subject. "You decide if you're gonna try and bring Mal down yet?"

He responded to her questioning look. "Hell, even I thought of it and you're smarter'n me." After consideration he added, "May want to consider it more seriously if ya ain't yet. Ni zi tells me 3 percent is tryin' ta get Kaylee to crack the lock on the infirmary so he can shoot her up while she sleeps." He looked down at River cuddled up. "S'why she's in here."

Zoe winced.

He followed her gaze as she looked at Inara and responded to the unspoken question. "We ain't had no one but each other ta help fight off the nightmares for the last two weeks. Hell, even I couldn't sleep 'til this'n came in." He nodded towards River. He blushed. "Been sleepin' on that gorram couch in the dorm since ... Anyway got used to 'em bein' close by I guess. Looks like we all did."

"Be careful with them, Jayne, they're bound to be fragile."

He stared past her at the wall. "Don't I know it."

She knew without him saying it outright that he meant every last one of them, including himself.

"Night, Jayne." She turned to go, "guess I better check on the infirmary."

"Uh, Zoe?"

She turned to look at him.

"Would you mind ... there oughta be a blanket down at the end there." He gestured sort of helplessly at Inara.

The corners of her mouth quirked upward as Zoe found the blanket and spread it across the sleeping woman.

* * *

Zoe looked around the infirmary. The doc was such a meticulous person she didn't expect to see anything obvious. She kicked herself mentally. Just went to show how far off her game she was, she hadn't thought to take inventory. She couldn't see the doc's spare bag but she wasn't even sure if it had been in here.

Looked like Jayne was right. She paused in her thought process as that idea shuddered through her. She needed to get Mal down here. Maybe between the two of them they could untangle things. Wasn't anybody acting like she was accustomed to and without Wash... She gulped back the tears ... She was having a hard time thinkin'.

After closing and locking the door Zoe slipped a small piece of tape across the top edge. Might be too late but she'd do what she could to catch up.

* * *

"Zoe?" Mal's voice crackled through the com.

"Here, sir."

"I got this intern or something here stickin' a com in my face actin' like devil hisself told 'im to get me on the line. Whats goin' on? Somethin' wrong with my ship?"

"Ships fine, sir. Had to speak with the Operative to get a com in to you. Got him to pull some strings and get you released first thing in the morning too."

"Thought I needed another three or four days on this machine before they were willing ta let me go?"

"They're cuttin' the machine loose too." She grimaced, "It's the crew."

"hoe-tze duh pee-gou, Report!" Mal growled. Gorram, Jayne must be pullin' some bèn tiānshēng for Zoe to be pullin' strings that far up to get him released. He wasn't sure he even wanted to know what she'd said to get the machine cut loose.

Zoe efficiently filled Mal in on the happenings of the day leaving out Jayne's slumber party.

Mal drifted into a long drawn out string of mandarin that could have burned even Jayne's ears. "Jayne really let Simon cut him up – just to see if it would snap him out of his...whatever the hell he's thinkin'?"

"Yes, sir. I'd wonder myself if it was just him sayin' it but I saw it. No question."

"All right, get up here first thing in the morning. And bring Simon. He'll probably need to go over all the medical go se and I'll see if I can beat some sense into him on the way home."

"Yes, sir. And sir. I'm sorry. Know it ain't the smartest thing to be bringin' ya back before you're healed."

Mal chuckled. "Zoe, can you remember the last time we did something smart? Wouldn't be us if we started now. Got nothin' ta be sorry about."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jayne woke up to see River sitting in his chair, her legs held tightly to her chest, with her chin resting on her knees. Her hair mostly covered her face.

"What'cha doin' little one?" He stretched, then realized Inara was still snuggled up to his leg.

"Need to talk to you. Both of you." She whispered. "Need to tell the truth." Her voice trembled.

Damn, he'd hoped she'd be better after a nights sleep.

"You sleep ok?"

She shrugged. "She slept fine, you and Inara protected her."

"Why don't 'cha sound better?"

"She ... I am worried about what I must tell."

"That why you're sayin' 'she' again?" He asked as he stroked Inara's face. "Wake up băobèi."

Inara's eyes fluttered open. "Jayne? Evr' thin k?"

He smiled tenderly at her. "Everythin's fine. Ni zi just needs to talk to us."

"Ain't no need to worry about how ya talk. Say it however ya can." He said to River, giving her an encouraging smile.

Inara looked around and started wide awake, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep here. I was just looking for River and when I couldn't find her I came... I just sat to watch you two sleep for awhile." She tried to get out of the bed.

Jayne put his hand on her shoulder to hold her back. "Easy. It's fine. Think we just got real used to bein' near one another. I couldn't sleep when I was alone neither.

Jayne and Inara both looked at River when she whimpered.

"Why are you over there, ni zi?" Jayne asked.

"Come sit with us." Inara held her hand out to River.

"She should stay where she is for now. She will begin if you are ready." River said softly.

Unconsciously Jayne and Inara both reached for the others hand at the same time. On contact they noticed and looked down at their clasped hands. Jayne squeezed her hand then laced his fingers through hers and let their hands rest on his thigh.

"Tell us what has ya so worried, River." Jayne's voice was soft and encouraging.

"You must know first that she did not realize what she is about to tell you until the night we spent in the shuttle. At first she was not going to tell you because she was afraid. Then with all that happened yesterday she didn't get a chance." River wiped her face against her knees.

"Today she thinks she must tell you because it may not be as permanent as she thought, and it might help Simon to know what is happening."

"River, just say it honey, I'm sure it will be fine." Inara encouraged her.

"She came to realize that she is too sane. Simon was right yesterday, she should not be doing so well. Since Miranda she is better but not this much. When she began to examine her mind she found that something inconceivable had happened." River went on to to them how her mind had found them and begun creating permanent connections.

"Now when I follow the part of my mind that goes to one of you, it appears as though there is a connection between you as well."

Taking in the stunned looks on Jayne and Inara's faces she rushed on. "I had thought it was permanent but now I think that if Simon gives me the medication he wants, it could block the connection and over time it would fade away."

"What happens to you if you make that choice, sweety?" Inara's knuckles were white from the strength of her grip on Jayne's hand.

"She thinks she will go back to being unstable. Not as bad as before Miranda but still not well. That is the best that she will ever be. Simon will probably try many things but," She shrugged, "you can't fix something that doesn't exist and her brain is no longer complete."

Inara and Jayne sat in stunned silence.

As time ticked away, River sighed and stood. "She understands. She will go and see Simon," she whimpered.

"NO." River heard Jayne say as she found herself swept up onto the bed by Inara and cradled gently, half on Jayne's lap and half on Inara's.

"If yer gonna drop somethin' like that on folks ya gotta give 'em some time to take it in ni zi. First thing that comes ta mind ain't necessarily the last." Jayne offered up as a pearl of wisdom.

Inara looked at Jayne over River's head and smiled when he nodded. "Sweety, Jayne and I wouldn't sentence you to that."

River sprang to her knees nearly knocking them both over. "Really! You are sure? It will be harder on her...ME later so now would be the optimum time if you are not sure." She cautioned them. "This – bonding – is still happening and I do not know what it will end up being. I do not know what it will mean if ..." her voice cracked, "if one of us should cease."

Inara and Jayne's minds ran along nearly parallel tracks. Both were tired of being alone. They had been alone a very long time, Jayne due to fear and Inara due to the distancing and control she had had instilled through her Guild training. Upon searching deep within themselves, they were forced to acknowledge that the last few days, regardless of the chaos, had been satisfying on a level not previously experienced by either. They knew that they weren't willing to go back to how they had been before.

Again their eyes came together and they smiled. "Positive." They answered as one.

Squealing like the schoolgirl she had never gotten a chance to be, River hugged them both smashing them together and nearly knocking them flat on the bed. She knew they had become close during the last two weeks, but had not allowed herself to hope that they would actually keep her.

She felt pain for Simon, knowing that this would hurt him, but hoped that as he became accustomed to her being well, he would be happy with a sane sister who loved him, and not miss the crazy sister who loved him but needed him to take care of her too.

Completely infected with her joy, Inara and Jayne returned the group hug and laughed. Their merriment was interrupted by a pounding on Jayne's bunk door.

River bounced over and opened the hatch. Zoe stepped down into the room and looked around with a raised eyebrow at the happy faces. This much happiness after everything that'd happened just couldn't be good news. No way.

Suddenly the gravity of what they needed to share with the other crew members struck the trio. Their smiles dropped from their faces.

"I'm takin' Simon to pick the Captain up. Jayne stay close. I expect to need your help getting' him from the shuttle to the infirmary. Gonna be some gear coming with him." She looked at the three now serious faces, "Anything I need to know?"

"River was able to explain why she is more sane than she should be." Inara announced.

"Anybody gonna be happy about it?" Zoe asked skeptically.

Using her most confident tone Inara responded. "I think the explanation will take some getting used to, but ultimately, I think, everyone will come around."

"Come around. Huh." Zoe knew that 'some getting used to' meant more hell breaking loose.

"Not real sure what the best way ta go about explainin' to folk is tho, Zoe. Could be you'll wanna hear now." Jayne suggested.

"I'm pretty damn sure I don't." She responded with uncharacteristic vigor. Then looked at the solemn faces. "Qīngwā cào de liúmáng," she muttered under her breath. "Guess I better," she said with resignation.

Inara gestured for her to sit. "It will take a few minutes."

Eying them warily, Zoe declined. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the ladder.

"River would you like me to tell the story or would you rather?" Inara asked.

Confident now that she had told Jayne and Inara and received acceptance, River stepped forward and told her tale. At the end she added. "I am sorry for not telling this yesterday, but I was very frightened and couldn't accept the possibility of losing what I had gained."

Zoe nodded her understanding. She looked steadily at Jayne and then Inara. "And you're ok with this? From what I've seen, the three of you are already on some wavelength all your own. No tellin' where it's gonna end up."

Inara looked at her hands. Her lips curved into a smile. She looked up at Jayne and then River. "Over the last two weeks I've come to care very much for them both. And, I've never felt as cared for in my life. While happy isn't a term that is readily applicable for that time, there has been a sense of stability and support that I have never experienced before. You may wonder if it is this link that has created those feelings; however," she smiled hugely, "I find I don't care."

Jayne watched Inara's animated declaration with a smile. Then added for himself, "They was already family whether they liked me or not. Just gravy if they like me too."

Zoe looked at Inara and scowled. "Take some getting used to?" She shook her head. "They'll come around?" Zoe looked at the three, one after the other. "Fuck!" She said with a harsh cackle, shaking her head at the unbelievable understatement.

Inara winced at the unfamiliar sound of Zoe cursing.

Inara was as crazy as River had been if she thought 'take some getting used to' and they'll come around' was gonna cover the reactions. The relative comfort Zoe had been feeling about bringin' Mal back had turned to dust. Zoe watched as their discomfort built. River sidled over and slid into Jayne's lap and Inara scootched over to lean against him, her arm automatically draping across River's legs to comfort her.

'Now that was especially creepifying, kinda cute in a twisted other 'verse sort of way but still creepifying.' The thought brought with it a vision of her man's face wrinkled in that disgusted-but-can't-look-away-from-the-train-wreck expression she loved.

Zoe found herself sitting in the chair she had declined, her face in her hands. She sat up slowly and glared at them. "When YOU tell Mal and Simon, be best you find a way to do it without ..." She waved at the three of them cuddled together. "I'll make sure the Captain ain't armed," she muttered to herself.

At the idea that they would be explaining to Mal, Jayne and Inara's faces took on the expressions of people who had eaten something unpleasant.

"Just make sure we're still on the ground." Jayne grunted. "Ain't tellin' him when he can throw me out the airlock. You know he's gonna find a way ta make it my fault." He tightened his grip on River and assured her. "Even thought there ain't rightly no fault to it."

Zoe studied them again, taking in the way they were wrapped around each other. "Fuck," she muttered. While she thought Simon and Mal _might_ be able to handle the theory of what was happening if everything worked out perfectly on the telling, there would be absolute hell to pay on the reality.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Simon fussed around Mal, checking the shunts leading out of his abdomen that the organ regeneration unit would re-connect to and making sure the IV lines were clear of any kinks. The Alliance technicians carefully stacked one large crate and various boxes containing the regeneration machine and it's parts in the shuttle.

After checking to be certain the captain and cargo were all secure, Zoe detached from the medship and headed down.

Mal watched Simon continue his fussing. "Heard ya had a pretty bad day yesterday." Mal opened the conversation.

Simon's face tightened in anger and he gave a noncommittal grunt.

Mal grinned inwardly, Simon was completely unconscious of how he was channeling Jayne.

"I aim to hear how my calm collected doctor ended up cuttin' up on my merc." Mal clarified.

Simon's back stiffened at the implied criticism. He began to sputter, "He insulted _me_, attacked _m_e, prevented me from treating my sister, and you want to know why _I_ cut him? _I_ was protecting myself."

"Might be I've given you too much credit, Doc. Figured by now you been around Jayne enough to know that ain't true. Mayhap you just ain't seen him on the pointy-end enough though, so I'm gonna explain. Once."

Mal waved off Simon's attempt to argue. "Reckon you know Jayne ain't one to risk himself if it ain't necessary."

He stared pointedly at Simon until he nodded in agreement.

"Jayne respects you, ain't sayin' he likes you, but he does respect you. If'n he'd meant to attack you he would'a knocked you out or killed you before you knew anything was even happening. He ain't got no problem killin' a man without warning. Figures it's efficient. Did he try to do anything even close to that?"

Simon, spine ramrod straight began to answer. Then he slumped as the tension in his body ran out with a long exhalation. He shook his head. "No. He grabbed my arm and yelled at me."

Mal nodded. "Zoe and I talked it out. You know he could'a killed ya or stopped ya cold at anytime before you cut him? Or after for that matter. And he stayed in Zoe's line of fire so she couldn't do anything ta stop ya either."

Simon scowled at Mal. "Are you implying that he let me cut his shoulder?" He asked in disbelief.

Mal nodded.

"Why?" Simon was puzzled. This didn't sound like Jayne at all.

Mal shrugged. "Told Zoe it was because he knew you had a hard time hurtin' folk cuz of your doctor's oath and all. Thought if he let ya bleed 'im you might calm down and rethink things some." Mal frowned, "Gotta admit it was a surprisingly subtle plan for Jayne."

"And you believe him?"

Nodding thoughtfully, Mal explained, "No reason for him to lie after or think of something that sneaky anyway. Most likely answer would'a been that he was concerned Zoe would shoot him if'n he hurt ya. Now that I've disabused ya of that notion, lets hear what you have ta say for yourself for gettin' ta that point."

Simon sat, his face reflecting his confusion at Mal's explanations. He looked at his hands while picking at his nails. Simon began to realize just how much his fear for his sister had slipped into obsession. He had left the medship in a worse frenzy about her health than he'd been in before the getting her out of the Academy. Before the Academy he hadn't had any idea what would be wrong with her so his fears, while terrifying, were diffused. Now he knew exactly what the worst case might be. The last time he had seen her she was standing on a mound of dead Reavers covered in blood and gore and his mind had not been able to make the transition to believing she could be ok.

"I...I guess I was just so worried about River. I realized Inara and Jayne hadn't been giving her the shots I requested and was frightened for her."

"I can understand ya not believing Jayne when he said River was fine but ya didn't believe Inara either?"

Simon shrugged and made a gesture with his hand. "She has been so distraught that I assumed she hadn't really been paying attention. I guess the idea that River _could _be fine did not occur to me. She really should not be, you know. And from what I have seen she is not. She was not stable yesterday. Perhaps not as bad as before, but still not at all stable."

"You know she did her chores last night?" Mal inquired.

"She what?"

"Cleaned up the galley, did dishes, you know, her chores. Sounds pretty stable to me. Any time in the past that things got that heated up she'd a been out of it for days on smoothers." Mal stated. Chores were a good idea far as he was concerned, though he did figure Jayne for givin' 'em to her ta get out of doin' them himself.

"'Cording to Zoe, she was right serious about doin' 'em, even though she was unhappy, wouldn't take any help either 'til Zoe insisted."

"She ... I ... it's just impossible, I ran tests and her hormone levels and brain chemicals show that she should be severely disturbed." Simon said in surrender.

Mal chuckled, "An how often has she done the impossible, ain't you the one always sayin' ya wished ya knew what was done to her so you could understand?"

"Once a day and twice on weekends." Simon muttered. At Mal's questioning look, he had the grace to be embarrassed when he expounded. "Just something Jayne said when I told everyone it was impossible."

Mal's expression turned serious and he fixed an icy glare on Simon. "Reckon we got one more thing to cover."

Simon slumped further. "I didn't mean it you know. Well I did, but only due to the fact that it was not life threatening."

"Ain't no excuse. I'm backin' Zoe up on this. You refuse care to crew again and you're off my ship. Whether that's in the black or grounded won't matter none to me."

Simon's back straightened as he looked Mal in the eye. "Agreed." His expression turned to one of anguish, "I hated myself as soon as I spoke the words. I swore I would never do something like that again."

Mal's gaze softened slightly but he wasn't willing to offer forgiveness yet. Trust had been broken and it was up to Simon to earn it back.

"We good?" Mal asked.

"Yes, I'll apologize to Jayne and River when we get back. She must hate me." Simon stated, his despair evident in his voice and expression.

"Naw, girl loves her ge ge, probably knew all along why ya was doin' what ya did." Mal comforted. "I'd watch out for Jayne for awhile though, man ain't likely to roll over and let ya cuttin' on him go." Mal said thoughtfully. "Man already showed more restraint than I'd a ever given him credit for havin'. Reckon you owe one to Kaylee too."

Simon flinched. "I ... How"

"It's my ship. I know what goes on."

"It was not her fault. I convinced her it was necessary to save River's life. The blame must be mine."

"I agree, some of the blame is yours. But she chose to betray Zoe, and that's the same as betraying me. She has to take responsibility for her choice, much as it pains me."

Simon's mind raced. Surely he wouldn't put Kaylee off the ship, would he? It would break her heart. "Please, you can not put her off the ship. Please!"

"Ain't rightly decided yet." Mal stated coldly. 'Let him think on that a spell.' Satisfied at having dished out some retribution for all the aggravation Simon was causing, Mal finally allowed himself to slump back in exhaustion. He feebly waved off Simon's attempts to fuss.

"Ain't no big deal doc, just been awake longer than I'm used to. Tired is all." And he let sleep claim him.

Zoe had listened to the entire conversation. She had to wonder what in the hell was in the IV Mal was getting cuz something had made him all manner of effective. Of course none of them were quite the same so maybe Mal was different too. She shook her head and snorted to herself, "Naw, had to be a miracle of modern pharmaceuticals."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Jayne sat at the table eating breakfast. He was applying his usual focus to fueling his body and his hand moved food to his mouth in a manner reflective of his weight lifting. He didn't usually worry much about having the doors in sight while he was on ship but after yesterday he was feeling a mite twitchier than usual.

His mind was in a sort of free form thought association mode, though he just thought of it as bein' a mite confused. 'Wonder if I'm gonna get to sex Inara now, what with us bein' stuck together,' he thought to himself. Then guiltily he pushed that thought aside. Deep down he was warmed at the thought of the three of them connected but Jayne was nothing if not practical. He wondered what the two womenfolk in his life now, would expect of him. He knew he was damn rusty at being much of any sort of person they'd normally want around. Sure, he'd done ok while things was off kilter, it was easy to comfort women then, well not easy to do but easy to know what ta do. But for the rest ...

'Wonder if I'm gonna get to sex up Inara now." He thought to himself.

Inara sat to Jayne's right. She was back to her usual comfortably elegant self. She felt calm and reflective. Her mind considered the action of sitting next to Jayne after making them breakfast. Sitting directly next to Jayne wasn't normal for her but it had been completely natural. She analyzed that feeling of naturalness.

As a Companion she could feel comfortable in almost any situation. This went deeper though. She recognized it as a deeper sense of the feeling she had had when she was on Serenity before. The feeling she'd had when joining the crew to play games or just chat. The sense of belonging for Inara Serra the person, not the Companion. She would have felt equally comfortable sitting next to River but Inara's innate sense of balance had selected this seat. She knew that if River had been distraught she would have sat on that side to balance out the protective nature of the group.

'I wonder how long until Jayne starts thinking of sex,' she smirked to herself. To her mind it was already set in stone. There would be sex. Fate had already decried that they would be together or at least very close for the rest of their lives. One ignored the sexual dynamic of a situation like that at their own peril. It would be best to resolve it early on. Not yet though, there was too much for the rest of the crew to deal with as far as the three of them were concerned to introduce a sexual relationship, yet. She had a feeling that Mal would assume such a relationship right from the start though, so there probably wouldn't be much to be gained by waiting very long. She flushed at the rationalization, then noticed Jayne shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"What?" Jayne noticed Inara watching him as he shifted in his seat trying to adjust himself. Thinking of Inara and sex'd had its normal effect on him.

Raising her eyebrow at his gruff question, Inara gave him a small smile, "Nothing. Are you ok? You seem ... uncomfortable." 'Bingo, that answered that, not long at all,' she laughed to herself. Then she realized she may very well have been the one to think of it first and her skin flushed again.

"'m fine." He grumbled as he stuffed another bite in his mouth. That was a ruttin sweet smile on her face, one he'd never have imagined would be directed at him. Gorram woman wasn't gonna make it easy on him. He figured there'd be sex involved eventually but even with waking up more or less in bed together three times now he still had somethin' of that sense of her as untouchable for sexin' left over from the several years he'd known her. That on top of the sorta family-feelin' connection put her in another vaguely untouchable slot that left him confused.

River sat to Jayne's left building some sort of castle out of her food mush. Thoughts of Simon were foremost in her mind. She felt confident that the Captain would calm him but she didn't know how their relationship would develop. Love was not the question. They loved each other completely, but they were strangers. It was as if they hadn't seen each other in almost four years. To him she was either his 14 year old mei mei (maybe younger, she was uncertain whether she had aged in his mind while he was gone so much with school and work) or The Patient. To be honest, she was a stranger to herself in a great many ways so how could it be different for him.

She began to posit mathematical formula to explain the apparent dichotomy of multiple time threads that would allow such diverse images of a single person to exist in one place and time. Losing herself in the multidimensional visions of time, space, color and causality that was math in her mind, her hand began a task of its own.

Jayne's finger poked her in the ribs, bringing her back to the table.

"Nice sculpture, but ya need ta eat." He pointed at her food which had been formed into a bas-relief of Serenity. "Today ain't gonna be no picnic, your gonna need the energy."

Smiling her thanks for his concern, she began to eat.

Kaylee watched the trio from the hallway. Seemed odd to see what was probably the three most unlikely folks on the ship to be friends sittin' the way they were, all lined up like they was eatin' together, not just at the same time.

She watched River guiltily. Simon'd convinced her that River was in dire need of the meds in the infirmary but now that she was really seein' River, Kaylee weren't so sure. She'd seemed a little lost there for a bit but more like a real person just thinkin' not like a crazy person at all.

Suddenly, she realized what had seemed so odd about them sittin' there. The quiet. They weren't talkin' much. Not like folks as didn't know each other but like folks that was so comfortable they didn't need ta be makin' noise.

River looked up at Kaylee and gave her a welcoming smile. "There is plenty of the nutritional," River wrinkled her nose as she tipped her spoon and let the mash on it glop back into her bowl, "product left. Inara has made it as palatable as it can be."

Inara leaned toward Jayne in order to see down the passageway where Kaylee stood and smiled. "Good morning, mei mei. Come and have some breakfast with us. You must be starving."

In a single statement, Inara acknowledged the rift from the night before and forgave her. Her ability to read people made it very easy for her to see the guilt Kaylee was projecting and assumed that she had let Simon into the infirmary. Inara didn't harbor any bad feelings towards her for doing so. She knew that it wasn't intended as a betrayal but simply a need to protect what was left of their family.

Kaylee began to enter the room, then froze at the frown on Jayne's face. Tears welled up in her eyes. To her guilty mind, his frown looked more condemning than it really was.

Seeing Kaylee stop and stare at Jayne, Inara glanced and saw the tension in his brow. She placed her hand gently on his arm.

At Inara's touch Jayne realized he was frowning at Kaylee. He'd been feelin' sorry for how tore up inside she must a been to let Simon in the infirmary.

His face smoothed out and he gave her a quick wink. "Best grab it quick for it gets cold else you'll need some o' your tools ta break it up enough to eat," He grumped at her.

Giving Jayne a watery smile, Kaylee headed for the galley to get a bowl of protein.

* * *

"Gorram it, Jayne, I ain't a piece of Badger's cargo ta be bunged around all over." Mal growled when his stretcher banged against the corner, again. Mal knew it weren't Jayne's fault but he was doin' his best ta not yell at Inara and Kaylee who had the foot-end of his stretcher. Jayne had rigged a harness for his end but was still having trouble guiding it with only one arm to speak of.

"Hell, I know that, if'n ya was I'd a just thrown your skinny pi gu over my shoulder and had done with it. Sides his cargoes don't bitch nearly as much...Well most of em." Jayne growled right back. He hadn't seen Mal since since the battle and it bothered him some ta see Mal lookin' so small and weak.

They finally got Mal settled into the infirmary and Jayne and Kaylee headed back to the shuttle to start bringing down the regeneration machine.

Mal watched Inara as she helped Simon get him settled, hanging his IV's and so forth. His brow wrinkled in a small frown. Something was off. He'd noticed a few days ago that she'd begun putting some distance between them. Up until then, if she was in the medship she'd been next to him every time he woke.

He thought about the things Zoe'd told him about Inara and Jayne standing together against the Doc and how they seemed to be lookin' to each other for support. He was gettin' a bad feeling about this. Something had happened between those two. Mal began to get angry.

"Inara," he snapped.

She looked at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his tone.

"Something I need to know? You've been actin' a might odd last few days." He tried to keep his emotion out of his voice.

Inara tensed, trying to figure out what he had picked up on. As she thought back, she realized that she had unconsciously been putting distance between herself and Mal. Not avoiding, just no longer needing the comfort of fussing about him and how he was doing. She was unsure what to tell him.

Some of it may have happened because of the link but she did not believe that all of it had. She realized that in receiving unconditional comfort and care from Jayne, she had lost her desire to go to Mal and risk receiving angry barbs instead.

However, the problem was that any discussion about it would lead into a discussion of the link growing between her, River and Jayne. This was not the place or time to go there. River had insisted that she could tell Simon privately and have the best effect on him.

She looked over as Jayne arrived at the infirmary door with a load of equipment.

Mal's eyes narrowed when he saw Inara take an unconscious step towards Jayne, then she caught herself and pretended to be straightening a blanket.

Turning to ask Simon how he wanted the equipment set up, Jayne came face to face with Mal's angry glare.

"What?" He asked defensively.

"You been takin' advantage, Jayne?" Mal asked with his you're-goin'-to-the-airlock voice.

Jayne scowled, "Ain't done nothin' wrong." He really wasn't sure what the question was about. He'd expected that with Zoe maybe on their side (Zoe didn't show enough ta be sure) he'd be in the clear on the Doc thing. Especially since he hadn't hurt him.

Mal's turned his glare on Inara. "Or maybe you came up with some Companiony excuse for becoming his whore. Needin' to heal him or some such go se." Mal pushed himself up. "Thats all ya are to him you know."

A wave of exhaustion came over Inara. Exhaustion at this forever battle, at the automatic assumption that there had to be a 'wrong' if Mal didn't like something. She pulled herself into her most arrogant and forbidding posture and unleashed the anger of a Companion on him.

"No, Malcolm Reynolds, thats all I am to _you_, not Jayne. Jayne has spent the last two weeks sleeping on a couch in order to be near myself and River when our nightmares became too much for us. He has held and comforted us," she glared at both Mal and Simon, "NOT in any sexual way, so do not even think to go there. I have watched him hold and rock River as she cried herself to sleep after a nightmare and he has done the same for me. He has stood in the doorway of my bunk to force me to eat when I hadn't eaten all day but still couldn't bring myself to do so."

Simon came out of his shock at Inara's description of Jayne's behavior when he noticed a blood splotch forming on the wrapping around Mal's shunts. When he couldn't get Mal to lay back he prepared a hypodermic.

"He has watched River day and night to make sure that she didn't come to harm from herself or any of the people who have been working on the ship while still managing to personally see to nearly all the visible repairs on the ship."

Seeing that Jayne was becoming uncomfortable at having his praises sung she took his arm and held it to her.

"We did not feel it was safe to fully explain River's condition up on the _Alliance_ medship, so we weren't able to keep you abreast of it so _at Jayne's suggestion_, I had planned on filling Simon in on the trip down on the shuttle so that he wouldn't be taken by surprise. That plan failed, unfortunately, when they came down in another shuttle, resulting in the day we had yesterday."

Mal's anger grew, fueled by his confusion. That weren't Jayne she was describing. Couldn't be 'less the man had some sort of plan. Couldn't for the life of him figure out what it was, though, lookin' at the way Inara was holding Jayne's arm, he might know part of it.

"He ain't doin' all that but for one reason," Mal began to growl.

Inara interrupted him, her glare turning cold as ice. "Wrong."

"How do you know?" Spat Mal. "Hell the man don't ever do anything without a payoff."

"Except Miranda and Niska, and Niska even cost him money." Simon said wonderingly. 'Could Jayne be changing? Or just different than he'd always seemed?' The idea didn't settle easily into his beliefs concerning Jayne.

"And I know he did not do these things for sex. He could have had that if that was his reason and he already walked away, once." Inara resisted the temptation to say Jayne had been a gentleman, she had, after all, promised. She knew it had not been smart to add the 'once' but she wasn't interested in Mal's comfort and wanted him aware that the question had not been permanently answered.

As Mal began to sputter and attempt to get up, Simon calmly injected him with a smoother, then, caught him as he slumped back to the table. He glanced at Inara and Jayne and smiled at the surprise on their faces.

"I didn't want him to have a chance to say something we would all regret. Also, he was beginning to seriously injure himself." He pointed to the growing bloodstain on Mal's abdomen and began to unwrap the bandages to examine the damage.

Inara and Jayne watched Simon warily. He seemed to be back to his more normal self but at this point they weren't taking anything for granted.

Simon saw their stares and sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. "The Captain and I spoke on the way down and well, while I am not convinced that River is fine, the tests I performed show she clearly isn't, I will take your advice and attempt to step back and observe her for the time being." He looked at Jayne, "I'm sorry about..."

Jayne waved his apology off. "Ain't nothin', Doc, don't blame ya none, would'a done the same if'n it were me."

Simon gave a small self conscious smile, "Well, thank you for that." He grimaced, "Although, I find that thought to be less comforting than I think you meant it to be."

Jayne smirked at him. "Is he gonna remember all this when he wakes up?" He weren't really sure which he preferred. Part of him was happy with all that had been said, another part was damned uncomfortable with it.

Inara was still recovering from her cold rage. Personally, she hoped Mal would remember, they were things that needed to be said and she didn't want to have to have the conversation again.

"I'm not sure." Simon stated. "I'll have to run some tests to see if he re-injured his spleen but I think I should keep him under for two or three days. Then he would be basically ready to come off the machine and the risk of new damage would be significantly decreased. I'll speak with Zoe and see if she agrees."

Simon made a final check of the settings on the machinery hooked to Mal and a final adjustment to the IV drip. He'd had to do minor surgery to repair the tearing done when the shunts were pulled around, but no major damage had occurred.

* * *

He needed to find River. The desire had been strong all morning but he'd had to get Mal situated first. He turned from the IV to see her standing in the doorway smiling at him.

He looked at her. Really looked for the first time since he had gotten back on-board ship. The impish smile, the way she stood with a confidence he had not seen in her since he had gotten her out of the Academy. He remembered her dash to greet him the day before and the occasions when she had attempted to convince him she didn't need the medication. Had all of her agitation really been due to his focus on giving her the shots?

She answered simply, "Yes."

His slumped against the counter and his head fell forward as a wave of guilt swept through him. "I'm so sorry mei mei. I just," his voice stopped when her cool fingertips touched his forehead.

"It's ok. She ... I saw your fear and understood." She collected herself to speak again when he looked up at her use of the third person. "When I am nervous I sometimes slip and speak that way, although, now I recognize it, before I wasn't even aware of speaking in that manner."

He took her in his arms and pulled her to his chest. "There is no need to be nervous, mei mei, I can't promise no shots ever, but as long as you are doing well I won't force them on you. I would like to give you some psych evaluations though." He wondered if there were even any psych evaluations she couldn't fake her way through. Though he supposed if she were sane enough to fake sanity, that would be something of an answer of itself. He frowned, would it be faking? He would have to do some research.

She giggled at his thought, "If you examine the Bowden Series III and VII tests you'll find that they are designed with that question in mind. Also, they are long enough that it would be nearly impossible to maintain a pseudo stable mental state without actually being capable of sanity. If one is able to show a stable mental state during those tests yet still display some form of dementia otherwise, the matter becomes one of the patient choosing to allow the dementia and other tests are indicated to identify those causes."

She led him to the couch outside the infirmary and pushed him down to sit. River then curled up close to him with her legs folded under her and her knees touching his leg.

"I am nervous because I fear you may not like who I am. And I need to tell you why I am stable." She put her finger on his lips to silence him. "I could not tell you yesterday because I hadn't spoken to those involved yet." She looked down letting her hair veil her face. "I see the images and memories you have of me and even stable I am not that person." She looked up and made eye contact with him. "I have not been that person in a very long time, if I ever was." Her face took on an expression of puzzlement. "I don't comprehend how that person could have existed although I understand that to some extent she did."

Simon hugged her but although she returned the hug he was surprised when she resisted his attempt to pull her into his lap. "You will find her, mei mei. Even while you were...not well, I could see her in you."

River loved Simon unconditionally. She had resisted being pulled into his lap, not because she didn't want to be there, but because she needed to begin teaching him that she wasn't the little girl in his mind. He had been her symbol of hope and rescue for so long. She admired the courage he had shown in rescuing her and his dedication to keeping her safe. But in becoming more stable she was losing touch with the place her mind had taken refuge in that reflected the image he projected of what she had been. The deluge of other minds and memories was no longer forcing her to retreat from what she had become.

Her years in the Academy had included a great deal of pain, both physical and emotional, yet that was not all that had occurred. There were periods inbetween the medical procedures in which she trained and learned and even killed as they studied her before 'improving' her again.

While not nearly as stable as she felt now, during that time she had been more stable than at any point during the year she had spent on Serenity. The onset of her deterioration due to the Miranda memories had caused the months of continuous surgeries and tests that had resulted in the person she had been on the ship.

She wondered at the distance she felt between her and Simon. A distance that was her fault. It was an unexpected side effect of moving into the person she had grown up to be at the Academy. Her link with Simon had kept them from making her theirs, but it hadn't kept them from making her what they wanted.

She desperately hoped that Simon was right and she would find that little girl, for his sake, if not her own.

Finally releasing her, Simon sat back. "What did you mean when you said you couldn't tell me why you were stable until you spoke with the ones involved?"

She rested her small hand on his chest over his heart, took a deep breath and began to explain. As she explained, his distress battered against her shields causing her to wince.

Simon grasped at the single straw of hope that seemed available. "But you think the medication might block this ... link or bond or whatever it is?"

River gave him a stern look. "You would prefer her broken and dependent on you instead?"

Simon paused at that, "Well, no, I can understand Inara but why Jayne?"

"I don't know the precise whys of any of it, but Jayne has not been as you know him. He has comforted me and held me when my nightmares were too much."

Simon thought back on what Inara had said.

"I think my mind reached out to him because of his desire to protect and watch over me." Truthfully, what River didn't understand was why her mind had reached for Inara. Inara had been nothing but kind but her own devastation had prevented her from being able to comfort River.

"Are you sure it is permanent? You cannot possibly want to be permanently connected to him." Simon asked in anguish.

"Simon, either way I must be permanently connected to someone, the question is whether I prefer to be sane or not." River corrected him.

Simon stopped himself from arguing as the realization came to him that she was correct. If she returned to the way she had been, she would always be dependent on a care giver. He felt guilty at the thought of preferring her dependent on him rather than on Jayne.

She patted his cheek comfortingly, "You will begin to understand. Just don't leap to judge. Neither Jayne nor I are who you think."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Jayne and Inara sat comfortably at opposite ends of the dinner table and watched River finish the dishes. Inara had a cup of tea and Jayne was sipping on a mug of engine wine. Despite the physical distance there was an aura of connection that indicated a togetherness at odds with the distances between the three of them.

Zoe had long since drifted back to the cockpit and Kaylee had followed Simon when he left to go check on Mal.

Upon putting the last pan away, River poured herself a cup of tea and joined them at the table. The seat she selected was centered between the other two on the long side of the table. She felt the need to establish an equal part in the three way relationship. The emotional highs and lows of the last day or two, in connection with the childlike behavior that was the outer reflection of her instability, had conspired to place her in a position of a child. While recognizing her youth and lack of experience, outside of battle at any rate, she felt the need to establish herself as a full partner.

Inara immediately read the intent of River's seat selection and gave the girl a nod of acknowledgment and a smile. Jayne, on the other hand frowned slightly. He had a sense that her seat selection was important but it was slow going trying to lay hands on what it meant. When River turned her gaze to him, he frowned even more at the slight glare and somewhat rigid posture.

At first he thought he'd done somethin' ta make her mad, then it clicked. She was sayin' she weren't a little girl. His brow smoothed over and he offered her a smirk of acknowledgment and was rewarded with a grin of self-satisfaction.

They sat together, just enjoying the companionship but the tension grew as each in his own way began to considered everything they needed to talk about.

River's mind whirled with possibilities and potentials. She examined how she might fit best into the life on Serenity, then factored in Jayne and Inara's skill sets and balanced them against the way the crew had always functioned in the past.

In another part of her mind she analyzed how she was functioning mentally. She was experiencing a crispness to her thoughts that had been missing since she had entered the academy and she reveled in the experience. Jayne and Inara's acceptance of her that morning had provided the momentum that pushed her into a new mental state. She was no longer getting better, she was better. She felt slightly incomplete as far as her connections with the other two went but that seemed to be related more with what the three of them would become and not specific to her.

Her hints to Simon had barely scratched the surface of who she now was. Her behavior to this point had been driven almost entirely by Simon's expectations. Her inability to block out anything had left her unable to even know who she was and since his beliefs about her were the strongest, she had taken them for her own. Not that she comprehended who she was at this time; however, now she had the capability to make that determination for herself.

She hadn't had the heart to tell him that she didn't remember him in a concrete sense. She had known that someone she loved would come for her even through all that they had done, but her amygdala hadn't been the only part of her brain they had destroyed. Without her ability to read people she wouldn't have known who he was when he came for her. They had been meticulous about applying electrical damage to any parts of her brain that held emotional content or memories of her life before the Academy. Occasionally she connected with something they had not found, like Wash's dinosaurs and the game she had played as a child but even those situations had huge gaps. The love she felt for him now had to do with the love he had shown her since he had rescued her.

Inara felt relief that the question of staying on the ship had been taken out of her hands. She no longer had to figure out how to ask Mal if she could stay. She couldn't see him throwing all three of them off the ship even though he was going to be royally pissed for awhile. The dynamics of the crew concerned her and she wondered how they could best help the others accept them as they discovered what their relationship entailed.

Jayne wondered about the sleeping arrangements. He cleared his throat and took a sip of the wine. Hadn't helped much. He cleared his throat again and took a gulp of the wine.

"River, you got any idea if us not bein' able to sleep apart 's got ta do with the ... link er whatever? Or we just been doin' that cuz of the go se happenin'?" He finally worked up the nerve to ask.

He didn't care much for the idea that they might be unable to sleep apart, hell, any number of things could come up where they couldn't all pile up together and if they couldn't sleep things could get mighty dangerous for them. The biggest bother for him was that he wasn't sure how to go about sleepin' with two women, especially ones he weren't sexin'. It weren't something he had much experience with, hell, sleepin' with anyone period was strange to him. The last few nights had been ok cuz something had gone on to more or less remove sex from the picture. Well, ceptin' that first night with just Inara. He wasn't all that sure he could sleep like that without somethin' goin' south, probably his hands.

River considered his question. "I am uncertain for myself. On both of the occasions we have slept together I had outside considerations. You may be better able to illuminate the question. Were you able to sleep last night before I arrived?"

"Reckon not. Hadn't slept all day, even after the surgery. But that mighta been from the pain, ain't rightly sure." He looked towards Inara.

"All I can offer is that I flat out couldn't sleep until I came to your bunk. Once I arrived, I sat down and was suddenly very tired. I think I was asleep before I even laid down," Inara stated.

"It would appear that a connection is likely, however, we should do further testing." River considered. "We should attempt to sleep in our own bunks again tonight and see what happens. If we seem to be drawn back together again we could then assess whether we felt it important enough to try and train ourselves away from the need." River's expression had become that of one more easily considered a soldier. "It could be a dangerous weakness if we are unable to sleep apart."

Jayne grunted his agreement.

River became more thoughtful, "Although, there is the possibility that the need will taper off once the 'bonding' has become completed."

Inara sipped her tea, "You don't feel like it has been completed yet?"

Staring down at her tea cup, River tried to formulate an answer. She just didn't seem to have words that would be explanatory. "I have a sense of incompleteness. I am sorry I cannot be more specific."

"If we find that we can't sleep, I think you and Jayne should come to the shuttle. It will be more out of the way." Inara smiled impishly, "And the bed is significantly larger than the ones in your rooms."

Jayne snorted but sat scowling into the distance.

"What's wrong, Jayne?" Inara asked.

"Ah, hell, Inara, I just ain't real comfortable with the idea of us havin' ta sleep together is all." Jayne growled. All this havin' ta talk was startin' ta eat at him. He knew they was gonna have to and knew he'd have to get over it, didn't mean he was lookin' forward to it.

"Don't have much experience with sleepin' with women I ain't..." he glanced at River then back to Inara, "well, sleepin' with if ya know what I mean."

River looked at Jayne seriously. "There is no need to prevaricate on my behalf Jayne."

"Whats that mean?" Jayne asked.

"You don't need to hide what you are talking about. It is quite all right to discuss sex and sexuality in front of me. I am not inexperienced."

Jayne stood up knocking over his chair.

Inara interrupted before Jayne could get a good start on being angry. "What do you mean mei mei?"

River gave Inara a guileless look. "My training in that area was reasonably thorough, much like yours was in martial arts and deception. It was expected that sex would occasionally play a part in achieving optimum access to targets."

"Qīngwā cào de liúmáng, those hun dans raped you?" Jayne's voice rumbled from deep within him carrying his anger.

River's brow furrowed as she considered Jayne's question, "It would not be considered rape, I don't think. I received much direct mental instruction and then was placed in a scenario in which it was applicable. I successfully used seduction to acquire my target."

River winced as she was buffeted by Inara's compassionate outrage and Jayne's pure fury. While her connection with them helped her to be protected from other's emotional surges, extreme emotion from them still had the ability to rock her.

"She thinks it might be useful to explain what was done to her in order to prevent you from being caught by surprise. Things like the sexual experience caused no harm within the framework of her expectations. Yet your response indicates that her framework may be inaccurate."

Inara who had been swallowing convulsively in an attempt to hold down the bile rising in her throat just managed to reach the sink before vomiting. Jayne's body was rigid with barely repressed anger, his face pale with fury.

River looked down letting her hair drop forward, fingers picking at her nails. "Perhaps we could move to the shuttle? She ... I would prefer a more private setting. She cannot bring herself to let the others know these things and she is very sorry that it is necessary to tell you."

* * *

Kaylee watched as Simon paced the common room. She was sitting on the edge of the couch, barely restraining herself from reaching out to touch him.

"So do ya believe her now?" She was tryin' ta get a read on Simon but his mood seemed ta change as often as his direction.

He made a lap without answering and she was about to ask something different when he spoke.

"That is exactly the problem. I'm a doctor; a scientist and in order to believe something I need tangible evidence to achieve some form of understanding." His hands closed into fists as he voiced his frustration. "I need to see blood tests and brain scans, results that fit a scientific category in order to believe." He whirled and began another lap. "This...whatever is outside of anything I even know of ways to examine."

Kaylee frowned in thought as her eyes followed him. "Ain't there somethin' scientific about watchin' somethin' ta see what it does?" She warmed up to her idea. "I mean ya can't always be able to run a test and just know whats wrong with everything can ya? I know with my girl sometimes I hear a new noise or somethin' feels a little different and I have ta just let it be awhile 'fore I decide if its a new good thing or a new bad thing."

Simon stopped in tracks and just stared at her.

The heat of embarrassment flooded into her cheeks at his gaze. "Not that I meant ta compare your mei mei ta my girl or anything." She rushed to assure him.

"No, it's perfect! You, are a genius, Kaylee. That is exactly what I should be doing, detailed observation. And even some benchmark testing to determine what is changing for the three of them." As he headed off to begin his documentation and develop tests, he failed to notice Kaylee's expression of disappointment.

Kaylee was pleased to have been of help but disappointed that she hadn't gotten a hug or kiss or anything. She'd been so excited to get back to Serenity. After Simon's declaration on Mr. Universe's Moon she'd thought things were finally gonna get goin' for them. They'd managed to do some kissin' up on the medship until he started gettin' antsy about how River was doin'. But, now it looked like with all that was happenin' with River, he was gonna pretty much ignore her again.

With a deep heartfelt sigh and tears glittering in her eyes, she headed back to the comfort of the engine room. 'Looks like it's just you and me girl,' she thought to Serenity.

* * *

Inara had wrought significant changes on the shuttle in a single day. Not as great as she had when she came aboard as a companion but significant all the same. It was homier this time, the sensuality more restrained yet reflecting her personal elegance. Tapestries once again softened the harsh metal contours and she had furnished with the idea of three people spending significant time there rather than just two. She had also made it a point to keep it from being too 'girly' out of deference to Jayne's feelings. Her desire was that it be a place that Jayne could feel comfortable as well, although she was realistic enough to realize that 'less uncomfortable' was probably about as well as she could do without putting up gun racks or stuffed animal heads.

River found herself feeling indecisive. Relating to people from a position of sanity and equality had not been covered in her training nor had it been something she was adept at before the Academy.

Part of her very much wanted to sit on the couch so that Jayne and Inara could sit on either side of her, letting herself be surrounded by their comfort. Talking about what had happened to her and the things she had done was the stuff of her nightmares.

Another part of her wanted to sit apart from them so she could just pretend to be telling a story. The reason she spoke in second person was due to her need to distance herself from both the things she had done and the things that had been done to her.

Deciding, she chose a spot in the center of the couch, then waited to see if they would choose to sit next to her. The amount of relief she felt when they did amazed her. As they each took one of her hands and laid their other arm across the back of the couch behind her, she nearly wept at the emotions she felt from them.

The move to the shuttle had given them both an opportunity to hide away their feelings of anger and hurt on her behalf. Those emotions still pulsed around the edges, like the glow of a fire behind a closed door, but their primary feelings were ones of compassion, love and, to her amazement, acceptance, with the simple desire to help her move forward. Simon gave her the first two but where he was hampered with his image of her as she had been, they simply wanted to help her be what she could be.

Taking a fortifying breath she gripped their hands tightly and began her story.

"She doesn't consider most of the things done to her individually. After a certain point it becomes one large thing and the details are no longer relevant. There are, however, some benchmarks. The first benchmark, although terrible in pain, opened up a world of wonder to her. Upon first arriving at the Academy, she was given freedom to learn as much about anything she wanted. This was an imaginable freedom. But she still wanted more. Her body would fail from exhaustion as it tried to keep up with what her brain wanted to _know._"

River tried to convey how wonderful that freedom had been and told of her delight when they first told her of an operation she could have that would allow her to learn even faster. They hadn't told her how painful it would be, merely that it enabled increased information intake. She had agreed wholeheartedly.

The process had taken nearly a week of eight hours of surgery per day. She had had to be awake for the entire process as they mapped out her brain center to the smallest degree. It had taken three days to map out the areas of her brain related to pain and fear. She was to need regenerative therapy for her vocal chords to repair the damage done while screaming. When she attempted to discontinue the surgery, they had reminded her that it had been her choice and then continued on.

She hadn't known it at the time but the portion of the operation that was needed to allow the learning was only about two hours of the week long process.

The first month following her operation had nearly been worth the pain. For the first time in her life, her mind was being sated. She learned at night while the days were spent incorporating the knowledge through discussions with teachers and specialists. Then the nightmares began.

Shortly after the nightmares showed up, she had the first of what she would come to call her _'Firsts'_.

The first time she had killed a man.

It started with a nightmare, as did many of her firsts. A man entered a classroom where she waited for her teacher. He was unknown but she felt a near paralyzing terror in his presence. Finally, unable to take the terror any longer she attacked him and bludgeoned him to death with a metal lamp off of the table. She could still see the confusion in his eyes when she attacked him. He hadn't known why she was frightened.

Her nightmare became truth.

Except for one thing. The man wasn't an unknown. He was a kind, slightly slow janitor that worked in the school. He had called her a butterfly when she danced for him. His name was Old Tom.

The first time she died was also her first attempt at suicide.

Not all of her firsts played out in real life. The week after she killed Old Tom she had another nightmare in which she attacked and killed a man. When the time came and he entered the room, she refused to attack him.

He cut her throat.

When she woke, she found that she had been in a virtual simulator. She wasn't dead.

She let him kill her every day for a week, felt the sharp pain across her throat, the blood spray when the artery was severed, the slow pulsing of her heart as the last of her life blood drained from her body.

Then one day something changed. She couldn't tell what was different but when the man entered the room on this day, she couldn't take any more and she took his knife away and cut his throat. This time it was real.

Over time, she had come to realize that somehow they knew when she would try to die or refuse to participate. It was never real when she made these attempts but she would have to suffer through dying. She had died 47 times. After the first five times with the knife it was never again the same. Each death had a different cause. Once, she had thought that since she knew it wasn't 'real' she might become accustomed to the experience so that they couldn't use it to control her. The hypothesis was incorrect. The body still panicked and fought for life. The fear compounded because she knew exactly what it felt like to take that last gasp. She died every day for a month disproving that theory. At the end of that time she was physically incapable of allowing herself to die.

The ease with which she had taken her attacker's knife away showed her that the nightmares weren't all that she was receiving at night. The day after her second kill, they had her begin working out with martial arts instructors. This was when she discovered how much other instructions she received. It was more like remembering than being taught, she surpassed them in weeks. New instructors replacing old, teaching blade, bow, staff, firearms and hand to hand. The weapons became more esoteric; pens, magazines and even spoons. Infiltration techniques, disguises, demolition, computer infiltration, on and on the list went.

The first time she piloted a ship.

One of the few firsts that didn't begin with a nightmare. And the only first she remembered fondly. She found the only peace she was to have since the nightmares began. She had been trained to fly almost anything although she had only actually flown once in a ship like Jubal Early's.

The first time she tried to remember what Simon looked like and couldn't.

During one of the operations they had systematically attempted to erase her life prior to the Academy. Oh, there were bits and pieces they didn't get. A memory here. A smell or sound that could trigger an emotion there. The feeling that someone would come for her. Almost everything she knew of her childhood came from Simon's mind.

The first time she heard someone else's thoughts.

Simon didn't have a clue what going insane felt like. She hoped he never would.

The first time she had sex. This was a new addition to her _Firsts _list. Until Inara and Jayne's responses in the galley she hadn't realized it was important enough to be a first, it had only been target/victim #39.

A child. The first and only time she had killed a child.

The child had been one of her few mistakes. She had used an armor piercing round expecting to need it in order to defeat the target's body armor. The target had not been wearing armor and the bullet had penetrated the target, the wall behind him and killed his son in the next room. That was why she aimed for the head now. The bony structure kept bullets from hitting unintended targets.

She had killed 83 people, 71 men, 11 women and 1 child.

This total did not include Reavers (26) but did include the Maidenhead (3) and Niska's skyplex (3). There were an additional 324 people, including Wash, Book and the people of Haven, that she hadn't decided whether belonged in the count.

She didn't mean to keep count. She would give almost anything to not know. Her mind didn't allow her that option. It counted everything. She knew how many bites each of the crew had taken at dinner, how many times they chewed each bite and how many times they swallowed. She knew average bites per meal per person, average calorie intake and the probable number of pounds of food per year each would consume.

Slowly, River became aware of her surroundings once again. Her face was wet with tears. She no longer sat between Inara and Jayne. She was in Jayne's lap, her legs across Inara's. Inara had her wrapped in a hug and both of them were wrapped in Jayne's arms.

She reached out, hesitant to touch their minds, expecting revulsion despite the embrace. The revulsion was there. She stiffened and started to draw away when she realized it was only an underlying disgust directed at those who had hurt her, not for her.

Inara's mind was fuzzy, her emotions in a riot and thoughts swirling with images that she couldn't accept but two things showed above the pain. Compassion and love.

Jayne's mind was sharp as a knife and held three thoughts floating on a sea of anger. Mine. Never again. Pride. Pride in her strength.

She collapsed into the comfort and acceptance of their embrace and let herself release the tension and grief held so long. Jayne's arms tightened and she felt his almost tangible bubble of protection surround them, pushing away their pain.

Jayne had gone to a place beyond thought. Many that knew him would have said it was normal for him to be beyond thought but this was not that sort of place. It reminded him of the calm he felt in battle when nothing mattered but the now. There was no room for what might have been or might be. In this place only three people existed. He felt River and Inara's grief as his own.

He looked at River. The weapon he had seen in the Maidenhead and on Mr. Universe's Moon. He could see the shadows of her forging. The blood that tried to drowned her in her nightmares, the child that tried to pull her under. He pushed at the shadows, placing himself between them and River. He held her in his arms and carefully pulled the shadows that still clung like spider webs from her body. She shivered at his contact when the cold rage he felt chilled her flesh.

A pulsating warmth on his face drew his attention. Looking up he saw Inara standing beside them. He pulled her down with them and began pulling the shadowy cobwebs of River's story and her own grief from her body. With each piece that he pulled away the warmth emanating from her grew until she was free of shadows and her love blazed full strength, pushing back the cold rage in his heart and warming River's flesh. In pulling away their shadows he realized he had pulled away his own.

When Jayne's arms tightened around her, Inara nearly gasped in relief. The heart rending agony of River's story dropped away. The pain of solitude that had been growing in her ever since she became a full fledged Companion, which was then compounded when her beliefs were destroyed, was stripped away.

Freed from her sense of being alone, Inara poured her love into these two beautiful people that held her. She felt as if she could see right into their bodies. It surprised her to see that Jayne's heart was the most broken of the two, but then it made sense. River had never lost the belief in love that Simon gave her. Jayne had spent more years with his heart broken than River had been alive. There was more love in his heart than Jayne believed though. She could feel it in the way he held them and the fierceness of his desire to protect.

She basked in the love she felt being returned, knowing that the healing had only begun.

Of the three, only River had any idea what was happening. The intense emotions born in each of them as she told her story had strengthened their bond in a perceptible manner. Both of the others were beginning to feel their connections with each other and herself. She finally understood what her mind had apparently known all along. She had thought she understood why it had selected Jayne. While not wrong, her understanding had been incomplete. She hadn't understood why Inara had become part of the link at all.

Separate, they were all broken. Together, they had a chance to become whole.

She, who only really knew how to fight and attack, modified through the operations to be unable to truly protect herself.

Jayne, who knew everything there was to know about protecting himself. Neither of them having any idea how to love or even like themselves.

And Inara, desperate to love and be loved, trapped alone, in a profession that guaranteed solitude, simulating what she wanted so badly.

She smiled as an image came to mind from Earth-that-was of a coat of arms; shield with a chevron, heart and sword on a black field.

She understood, now, why they were drawn to sleep together. It was when they healed. Eventually, as they became whole, it would not be as necessary. At the moment though, it was similar to being addicted to a powerful narcotic. Without the narcotic, the pain they carried became too strong.

* * *

A/N Please leave feedback on this chapter. It has been fairly difficult to write and while I am reasonably happy with it by itself, I have a sense of it not quite fitting somehow. Some of the imagery at the end has a bit of a fantasy genre flavor to it but never fear I'm not taking off in some wild world of sorcery and magic or anything, I was merely using it to show how their (Jayne in particular) brains might translate something they didn't understand into something they could deal with. 


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: That fast enough for you BK?

Chapter 13

Jayne was ruttin' tired of waking up in his clothes. It was becomin' a habit lately. He winced, the arm that was under River and Inara was sound asleep. He smiled at the small woman snuggled up to his chest and kissed her on the forehead. It was amazin' that she even retained the capacity for sanity after all she had been through, never mind the surgeries.

Reaching over with his free hand he tugged Inara's dark curls back from her face and watched her sleep. Slowly, he slid his trapped arm out from under the women, stopping when they stirred and waiting for them to resettle. He bit back a curse of frustration when they shifted to snuggle into each other and he got a handful of breast. He quickly pulled his arm the rest of the way out while they were still settling.

He glared at them as he put his boots on. Ai Ya, someone somewhere was sure as dìyù laughing their pì gu off at him. Ta put him in a situation of havin' ta sleep with two beautiful women he couldn't touch. His face softened as he watched them, then frowned as he realized he had just thought of River as a beautiful woman.

"Ah, hell no!" He snarled softly as in his frustration he tried to stomp softly out of the shuttle.

Inara's eyes opened halfway at the snarl and she frowned, wondering what Jayne was upset about, then drifted back to sleep.

With the cold water of the shower pounding against his body, Jayne fumed. She wasn't a woman yet, not really. But then after hearing her story wasn't nobody gonna tell him she wasn't an adult. She hadn't been a child in a long time. An if she was an adult, she was a woman.

Well, didn't matter anyway. She weren't touchable no matter what she was. Damn near broke his heart to hear about her first time sexin'. He hoped that some day she'd be able to find someone she wanted to show her the pleasure in it. She'd said it weren't rape and maybe she was right but he'd an idea it'd hurt her more inside than she knew.

Trying to change where his thoughts were headed he thought about his shoulder. He needed to get his weight bench set back up today. He'd let it slide enough and now that he was needin' to rehab his arm, may as well get back into the swing of things. Sides he had a powerful lot of frustration he needed to burn off today. Probably for more than a few days ahead too.

Jayne dressed and headed out of his bunk to get some breakfast. As he stepped off the ladder, an angry voice cut through his thoughts.

"I couldn't find River last night," Simon stated coldly.

Jayne's hand dropped to his gun as he turned to look at Simon. "Best not be thinkin' a comin' at me again. Ain't got no patience left," Jayne said in his mildest growl.

Embarrassment caused Simon's face to flush but he retained his pugnacious attitude. "Zoe ordered me to let it go last night when I asked her if she had seen River, and I'm willing to hear your explanation. But I want that explanation now."

"Ain't got one other than we can't seem ta sleep apart." Jayne clarified, "All three of us and it's just sleeping. If'n ya want more you'll have ta wait for them to get up, could be one of them can explain better."

Simon's glare didn't waver. "I would appreciate it if you would wake them then."

"No." Jayne snarled.

Jayne interrupted Simon before he could sputter an angry response. "Ain't nothin' gonna change in an hour or however long it takes em' and I ain't wakin' them just cuz your panties are in a twist." Jayne knew he was pushin' Simon's buttons but he didn't care, the little fei fei de piyan had been a bigger pain than he was worth the last couple of days and Jayne was still more than a little pissed at havin' his shoulder sliced open. 'Sides for all that he was River's brother he needed to get the idea out of his head that he could be jerkin' her this way and that over what she did. Weren't rightly his business anymore.

Jayne disrupted Simon's attempt to stare him down, "Why'nt you head out where ever ya want to go, Doc, so I can be gettin' some food. Ain't much for havin' ya behind me right now."

Simon glared a few seconds more before he turned to head back to the infirmary. "Fine but this is not over yet." Simon hid a small smile, Jayne finally took him seriously. It was the first time he had expressed any concern at something Simon might do outside of the infirmary.

Jayne grunted, then took off towards the galley. "Reckon it ain't gonna be over for a long while."

Inara woke to find River sitting cross legged next to her in bed. She reached out to rub River's back, "Good morning, mei mei."

River started, then gave Inara a smile. "Morning."

"Must be some very deep thoughts going on for me to startle you like that." Inara raised her hands over her head, stretching and writhing like a cat. I think you and Jayne are going to have to leave some sleeping clothes up here. I am getting tired of sleeping in my regular clothes."

"You could have changed, neither of us would have minded." River grinned, "Especially Jayne."

Inara snickered, "Since no one was in a mood to go and get theirs it just didn't seem polite."

Inara got up and began her morning ablutions. "So? What were the deep thoughts about?"

River flopped down on her side with her head propped up by her hand. "They won't ever stop coming after me and if they ever find out about the three of us they will be after you two as well."

Inara stopped in mid-motion. "The Operative told Mal that all of the warrants have been canceled."

River shrugged one shoulder. "Doesn't matter. It is important of course, at least bounty hunters and the obvious representatives of the Alliance won't be after us, but unless The Operative killed everyone that participated or was willing to explore that type of research, there will still be those that are after me. He is certainly capable of killing them, but I doubt that he did. Every one of those scientists have invested their lives in 'making people better', they will find someone else to finance their experiments and the power my skills represent is a large inducement for them to attempt a shortcut to a return on their money. There is also the likelihood that some of the members of Parliament will find a way to restart the program under a different budget."

Inara finished slipping her dress on and sat down to do her hair and makeup while she thought about River's statements. Inara was quite politically aware. Not just of the outward politics but of how powerful people worked behind the scenes and River was simply stating facts. There were a great number of people that knew about River and many may be unemployed if the Academy really had been shut down. At least some of them would provide that information to new employers. It wouldn't be surprising if more than one group would be interested in acquiring her services.

She wondered if the project were truly shut down or if it had simply lost its funding. She hadn't considered that distinction before. Often government contractors would continue lines of research in the hopes of making a breakthrough that would put them back on the government payroll. River's stability in light of their bond would definitely constitute such a breakthrough.

She caught River's eye in the mirror. "I guess we'll just have to make sure we are prepared for anything won't we."

As she considered her finished look in the mirror she realized that she had used much less makeup than was at all normal for her. By her standards she barely had any on at all.

She saw River in the mirror watching her. "Would you like me to do your hair, mei mei?"

River's grin was blinding, "Very much!" She jumped off of the bed and nearly danced her way over to take Inara's seat. "Having my hair brushed is one of my greatest pleasures."

As she gently and thoroughly brushed out River's tangled mess of hair Inara watched as River looked at herself in the mirror. She became concerned when River's gaze became more focused and a small furrow appeared between her eyebrows.

When Inara asked her if she would like to have her makeup done as well, River realized she was sorting through Inara's makeup. She waited as Inara completed the thick braid. She then leaned forward and with a few deft twitches of her wrist and fingertips she changed the face in the mirror. The colors were not quite as she wished so she dipped her fingertips into other colors and blended them directly on the existing colors.

Inara gaped at the transformation, while seemingly such a small thing, the skill level required to make such a dramatic change so quickly was enormous. The young woman in the mirror now looked about five years older and the effect was stunningly sensual. While River had told them she was trained in such things, Inara had not really acknowledged in herself the level of training that was likely. She, with all of her knowledge and experience, could not have improved on the color choice or rapidity of the application. This was not done by rote.

After meeting Inara's eyes in the mirror, River again leaned forward. Using a cleansing cloth, she deftly removed some and added others. The result was much more like herself, a little cuter and less childlike but without the drastic change.

Inara backed up and sat on the bed stunned. Where Jayne had been forced to acknowledge the sort of person River was at the Maidenhead and again when the blast doors opened, Inara did not have the background in violence to fully appreciate the vast difference between River's skill level and others.

Doing makeup at that level of expertise was on par with fine art. Inara recalled the offhand way River had described her training in seduction, as if it were among the very least of her skills and this was probably the least of those skills. Inara forced herself to reevaluate the young woman in front of her. Despite all she had been told and seen of her, it was necessary to admit that she hadn't been giving River her full due. She blushed at how she tended to think of the young woman.

She wondered if Jayne understood.

"Yes." River stated unequivocally. "For some reason, Jayne understands perfectly well what I am. Sometimes, I think, better than I do."

"Do you always listen in on people?" Inara inquired without rancor.

River gave her a small grin, "These days, primarily when I am trying to explain something. There is no need for embarrassment, you have understood much easier than any but Jayne ever will. Most will only see the package." She held out her hands displaying her petite form and giving Inara an impish, girly grin.

Inara returned the grin and went to take River in her arms. "Well, that is a mistake I don't intend to make again."

"These last few weeks, from the time The Operative arrived at the Guild training house, have shown me that I am woefully unprepared for what might be coming our way. I will need a great deal of training." Inara said.

River pulled back to look up at Inara. "Jayne will help. The sum of the three will be much greater than any one of us alone."

Jayne was sitting on his weight bench resting from getting it set back up. His bad shoulder wasn't quite up to heavy usage and the bench was awkward to move around one handed. Normally he would have just pushed through and used the bad arm but that might a sent him back to Simon and he wanted to avoid that for awhile yet. He figured another day and he could start getting it back into shape.

At the sound of cheerful voices he turned to see his women headed down the catwalk toward him. He pondered the thought, 'his women', it was a mite discomforting how ... comfortin' he found the thought. Didn't even mean it in a sexin' manner.

"Simon find you yet?" He asked when they stopped in front of him. "He's bein' kinda streaky, guess he figured out we was all sleepin' together last night. Told him it was just sleepin' but..." Jayne shrugged.

They shook their heads. "No. But we came to discuss training with you." River said.

"Watcha mean?"

Inara gave Jayne an overview of River's thoughts regarding the people that may still come after them.

"The better we can each protect ourselves and fight together the safer we will be." River concluded.

"Makes sense." Jayne agreed. "You know anything about fighting?" Jayne asked Inara.

"Well, until I came out into the black on this ship I would have said I was fairly well versed." Inara said depreciatingly. "But from your stand point I would have to say, not much. And even less about firearms."

"Ya know plenty about usin' that bow of yours, thats a start and ya got the temperament for it. Ya know, stayin' calm and doin' what needs." Jayne said thoughtfully.

Inara flushed with unexpected pleasure at his approval. His very next comment dissipated the pleasure immediately.

"Gonna have ta do something about yer body though, ain't in much shape for it."

She stood stunned. NO ONE had ever in Inara's life implied that her body was anything less than perfect. The heat of anger quickly replaced the flush of approval.

Flustered at the expression on the ex-Companion's face, Jayne rushed to clarify. "Ain't sayin' yer not, well I mean ... ain't sayin' anything about how ya look," and feel, Jayne added to himself. "Just saying ya need some toughening is all."

Once past her initial reaction to having her body criticized, Inara knew Jayne was correct. "It fine, Jayne, I understand. I just..."

He smirked, "You just ain't used to having anyone criticize ya, and for good reason too."

Oh, fēng le shăguā, she felt herself flush again at the obvious approval in his voice and eyes. She was going to have to get a grip on herself.

"I'm sure you can put together an exercise program to put my body to rights easily enough." She gave him a knowing grin that changed to one of delight at the pole-axed expression on his face. It was quite obvious where his mind had gone.

River watched the interplay with interest. "Time to end the undercurrents, a streaky ge ge approaches."

Jayne growled at having to deal with Simon yet again and made as if to get up.

"Should stay. We should speak to him whole, not as fragments. He has other questions as well." River commented.

Jayne groaned and sat back down. "'Spect we should at that."

The three turned to watch for Simon's approach.

Simon slowed his determined approach when he saw the three looking at him. Although their expressions couldn't be described as the same, there was an eerie similarity to their gazes. He stopped in front of them.

"I imagine Jayne has informed you of my ... less than pleased attitude regarding the sleeping arrangements. He indicated that one of you," his gaze moved from Inara to River, "might be able to be more forthcoming about why it is necessary."

"Jayne was unable to explain more because it wasn't until last night that I was able to make reasonable deductions as to the cause." River explained. "When we sleep is when we heal and the close proximity is needed for that process."

"Heal?" Simon questioned. "You say that as though you were all healing, I had understood this to be about you, not so much healing I guess, but using parts of their brain to stabilize yourself."

"You have this image of me in your mind as broken. The thing you fail to acknowledge is that everyone is broken, Simon. You, the captain, Zoe, Kaylee, even those not part of our crew. Everyone. And while your assumption was accurate, it was accurate only to a point. Of course that is not your fault as I did not have as much information to give you as I do now."

"Does that mean that the link will fade when you are better?" Simon couldn't keep the hopeful tone from his voice.

"You forget that part of my damage is physical. I will always require support for those functions." River held his gaze. "It may not be easy for you to do, but you _must_ let go of your need for the link to go away. You will only harm yourself and us as well." River's voice held a hint of pleading.

Simon winced inwardly as he realized he had let his emotions cause him to forget that one crucial point.

Turning to Inara he said, "While I don't like this ... arrangement, I see that I can't effect it; however, I would like your word that nothing inappropriate will occur." His gaze flickered to Jayne and back.

Inara placed her hand on Jayne's shoulder causing his anger at Simon's obvious thought he would do something wrong to River, to bleed away before he had even registered it's presence. She knew she had two choices. She could agree and then down the road argue the meaning of 'appropriate' should something happen between Jayne and River. After all no one would be surprised if her definition of 'appropriate' wasn't consistent with theirs. Or she could make it plain that it was not and never would be up to Simon.

She decided that it was more compassionate to be clear now. "I understand why you want this agreement but I can't give it to you." She pressed on, ignoring his outraged expression. "Not because anything other than sleeping is occurring, simply because we _don't know _what is in store for us. There may never be a reason for things to go that direction. Or things may change and it might be absolutely necessary to the link." Her eyes crinkled with a light humor. "Promising you anything would be similar to my telling clients when I will arrive with Mal in charge of the ship. Of no value at all."

Simon's anger at her refusal was blunted by her analogy. He restrained the chuckle that arose into a snort of agreement. Shaping his face back into a stern expression, he attempted to force the issue again. He was becoming very frustrated at having some intangible thing thrown in his face every time he tried to nail things down to some sort of expectation.

"I just..."

Jayne interrupted, overcome with an unexpected compassion for Simon, "Look, Doc, I ain't too happy with your insinuation that I'd do something wrong by River, but I'll tell ya this. Ain't a gorram thing gonna happen that ain't sussed out pretty thorough between the three of us. Won't be on the spur a the moment, won't be unimportant and it won't be hurtful." Jayne considered what had come to him to say. Seemed Inara-like in it's meanin'.

Simon was rocked back on his mental heels by Jayne's simple statement. He had addressed precisely the concerns Simon had about the situation. The pain in Jayne's eyes caught his attention. Simon's eyes flew to River.

"Something happened to her." He stated flatly. "Mei Mei, what happened?"

River dropped her head forward, forgetting that her hair was in a braid and couldn't shield the pain on her face from Simon. She shook her head.

Inara drew Simon around to face her. When he refused to turn his head away from River, she held his chin with her fingertips and forced him to look at her. "There are things about her experiences that, for now, will only be between the three of us. They serve no purpose for others and in truth would hurt you too much to know."

"I deserve..." Simon began.

Again, it was Jayne that interrupted. "No. No you don't." Jayne waved off Simon's burgeoning anger and his eyes glazed into a thousand yard stare. "Ain't sayin' that in a mean way. You know how much I dislike you, Doc, but mean as I am, I'd shoot you before I'd put that on you."

His eyes softened as Inara squeezed his shoulder and he took River into his lap, folding his arms around her. "Shhhh, ain't no call ta be sorry. We had to know." He muttered to her as he stroked her hair and kissed her softly on the top of her head. He returned his gaze to Simon.

Simon winced as a stab of pain and not a little jealousy shot through him when River sought the comfort from Jayne that a short time ago would have brought her to him.

Inara knelt at Jayne's side and wrapped one arm around his back, then taking Simon's hand, she pulled him down next to her near River. Inara wrapped her arm around him including him in the shared hug.

At Inara's look, Jayne loosened his embrace of River, giving Simon access to her. Simon touched his sister gently on the back and she released her hold on Jayne's neck, twisting to grab him. As she hugged him, he wondered at the warmth he felt, beginning to have just a mere inkling of what was developing between the three. Then he lost himself in holding his beloved sister.

Zoe stood in the doorway to the cargo bay watching. For once there were no Alliance repair people running around as they didn't have anything more to do until the new thruster arrived. She and Kaylee had spent the morning running tests on the internal systems.

After they had finished the tests, she had gone to see Simon in the infirmary and check on Mal. Not finding Simon she had headed to the bay to see what the rest of the crew were doing. Despite the pervading numbness that gripped her, she found herself shocked once again by the unlikely trio.

Not wishing to intrude, or more accurately, she admitted to herself, not wishing to deal with an emotional scene, she turned back. She reckoned that scene would have silenced even her man. Tears filled her eyes as she imagined his jaw dropped in shock. Well not silenced, but he would have sputtered a good long while. Only one thing had managed to silence him.

Jayne let them cry for awhile. Then, as the tears subsided to sniffles, his discomfort at all the emotion came out. He pushed at them gently. "Ok, enough of this go se, injured man here, gerrof me," He growled.

River snickered, "Jayne's patience is at an end, violence to come shortly." She kissed Simon on the nose. "Love you, ge ge."

Simon kissed her back, "Love you too, mei mei."

Jayne groaned and pushed at them again.

Chuckling, Simon let go of his sister and stood, offering his hand to help Inara up.

"I guess I'll have to let this go." He looked at Jayne. If he hadn't experienced it himself he would have never believed it within Jayne's capacity to be caring. "I can barely believe I'm saying this but it seems you have convinced me of your good intentions." He couldn't resist one last barb. "Just don't forget what they say about that."

Jayne frowned in confusion.

"I have one last request. I would like to begin documenting the changes in this ... link, for want of a better term. Subject it to a somewhat scientific observation with some testing so that I can develop an idea of what is happening between you."

"Aw, Hell No." Jayne exploded. "Ain't no way in hell we're gonna turn this into some sort of experiment. Not for any of us, but especially not for River! She's been treated like an experiment long enough as it is."

Simon was shocked by Jayne's vehement response. He had expected some resistance but nothing so strong. Surprisingly, he was also relieved to see that although the laws of nature had evidently wobbled enough to allow Jayne to accept the emotional scene just past, they hadn't been contravened completely.

He had, however, managed to learn from his experiences of the last few days and he restrained his impulse to respond angrily at Jayne for implying he was in any way similar to the animals that had had River. He understood that the only way to counter Jayne's refusal would be to get River on his side.

"Please, mei mei. I understand how this could be uncomfortable for you, but I would think that if anyone could see the benefit of having benchmarks that allowed you to see the changes, not just feel them, you could." He allowed a pleading note into his voice, "Also, you have asked me to let go of my negative feelings for the link. I am willing to try and do that, but I need something tangible to look at in order to do so. I can't just throw my arms up and say 'everything is fine' simply because I'm told it is.

River examined his face. "We will need to discuss this before we can answer. We will let you know later."

"Ain't nothin' to discuss." Jayne stated with finality, crossing his arms and clenching his jaw in his best mulish look.

Unfortunately, he looked, to the women at least, more like a little boy pouting and they had to be very careful to not look at each other for fear of bursting into laughter.

Never one to let something go even if it looked good for what he wanted, Simon pushed. "Later today?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Later, Simon, but not too long."

Simon looked at her as if trying to will the outcome of the discussion, then nodded. "I suppose I should check on the captain."

After Simon was out of earshot, Jayne, who hadn't missed their hidden mirth, glared at the two women. "Can tell already I'm gonna be wrong. Can't hardly ever be right with one woman, with two I ain't never gonna be right again am I?"

"Well," Inara said consideringly, "I suppose we could let you be right once every, oh, lets say fifth Thursday of the month." Inara and River's eyes met as they gave in to their mirth.

"Well, bein' wrong ain't never been something I let change my mind. I'm tellin' ya now, we ain't doin' it!" Jayne tried to growl, but the sight of them laughing, even if it was at him, was just too nice to maintain the necessary mood for proper growling. Ai ya, they were gonna turn him into a wimp. His mood softened even further. He'd never won an argument with Nettie and Sarah when the teamed up on him either.

"Jayne, I am reluctant myself but Simon has a point. It will be very useful to have an outside view of what changes occur. It can get very difficult to be objective about things happening to one's self." River explained.

Inara added, "We will also benefit if there appear to be any ... well, abilities, I guess. Such as reading each other or other people. I think a person such as Simon would be uniquely helpful for our development."

Jayne started at Inara's comment. It was one aspect of the link he hadn't considered very far.

Noticing Jayne's reaction and River's sudden heightened focus, she shrugged. "I only mention it because there were moments during that conversation where I could have sworn I knew what Simon was thinking. And, Jayne, you spoke to him and said, in your own words, exactly what I would have suggested, if I could have."

Jayne nodded, still frowning but his scowl much lessened. "I think I know when ya mean. I thought at the time it felt like somethin' you'd say."

Jayne released a huge sigh showing just how put upon he felt. "Alright, but he's gotta have some limits, man can be a right hai chong when he's got something under his skin. Ain't gonna have him natterin' at me all hours of the day." His scowl was back now that he had an argument he could sink his teeth into.

River grinned sympathetically. "Yes he is, he has followed me into the shower without realizing when he had something he wanted to talk about."

"How about 30 minutes a day? For discussions that is." Inara suggested. Then quickly added when Jayne's expression lightened. "With each of us."

Jayne's face fell at the modification. He'd thought ten minutes each was about right. His face found it's way back into a familiar grimace. "I 'spose that would be ok, but I ain't givin' him one second more. And I don't want him following me all over the place to do his observin'."

River nodded her agreement. "If we find there is something specific we wish his help with, we can ask him for more time. It isn't as though he will refuse. And while he can observe us as a natural part of us being around him, no following. I wish to take my showers in private."

Inara laughed and Jayne snorted, "Gorram right."

"I will inform him." River kissed Jayne on the cheek then stood from his lap and hugged Inara, kissing her cheek as well. "Thank you for including him, it meant more than you imagine to both of us."

When River released her and left to find Simon, Inara's hand unconsciously drifted down to sit on the nape of Jayne's neck. He stifled a groan and closed his eyes when her fingers began to tangle with his hair.

"Have you seen Kaylee today?" Inara asked him, finally noticing what her fingers were doing. Smiling at his closed eyes, she tugged on his shoulders getting him to turn his back to her.

"Naw." He groaned as she tangled her hand more firmly in his hair and gave a gentle tug. She then smoothed the hair down and began kneading his neck. She gave in more completely and let her hands explore his neck, tracing his collarbone out to the tips of his broad shoulders while being careful of his wound.

Fisting her hand in his hair she tugged his head back against her and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I think I'll go check on her. I haven't seen her yet today and I doubt that is a good thing. I have a feeling Simon is not paying attention to anything but us right now."

Jayne shivered as she walked away. That had seemed promising. He frowned. But then again maybe not. River had kissed them both before she left so it might a been the same. He growled to himself. Waitin' to see what stuff meant wasn't his way. He went with what was in front of him and let things work themselves out later if he was wrong. He shook his head and ran his hand over his face. Only time he ever had any patience was hunting. He'd have to look on it as hunting. Ya didn't chase the game to get it if you could help it. Had to wait for it to come to you. After all, he couldn't afford to be wrong about this.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Inara poked her head into the engine room. Just before she called out to see if Kaylee was in the room, she heard a sniffling coming from the far corner. "Mei mei." She called softly to keep from startling the girl.

"I'm fine, I'm just workin' is all. Everythin's shiny." Kaylee sniffled again and dropped a wrench as she bowed forward and sobs shook her body.

Inara knelt behind Kaylee and gathered her into her arms. "I'm so sorry, mei mei. There is no excuse for me not coming to find you sooner." Inara rocked her gently and stroking her hair. "Let it out, mei mei, just let it out." Inara crooned.

"They're all gone, 'Nara. Wash ... an Book ... even Hiroko!" Kaylee wailed. "How could they kill him ... just a baby!" Kaylee tried to speak as she bawled. "And ... an Simon is ... he ... just ignoring me ... even worse ... wish he hadn't said nothing. I thought ... I thought ... I'm sorry ... shouldn'ta ... infirmary ... they're all dead!"

Inara just held Kaylee as her pent up emotions from the last few days were released.

Finally, the tears and shudders began to slow and then stop. Inara leaned back and brushed Kaylee's hair back from her face and wiped away the tears with an edge of her hand.

Inara smiled, "You know what we need?"

Kaylee sniffled and rubbed her nose with her sleeve shaking her head.

"Shopping!" Inara stated. "River and I both need to modify our wardrobes and we could all use some time off ship.

Kaylee's face brightened considerably at the idea of spending time with Inara and River. She'd felt distanced from them after she let Simon in the infirmary and she'd already been missing them. 'Sides she needed to get caught up on the whole threesome thing.

"You think Zoe'll let us go?" She asked hopefully.

* * *

Jayne lumbered along a few paces behind the chatting women as they made their way through the Eavesdown Docks. He was muttering and growling to himself, and them when they tried to talk to him, about having to follow them around shopping. Not that there was any ruttin' way he'd have let Inara and River off ship without him. Or maybe Zoe. He was feelin' a bit torn between his time honored tradition of bitching about that sort of thing and his new need to be protective. 

Inara smirked as Jayne's latest whine caught her ears. She turned to enter a clothing shop. It was funny how something that used to irritate her to no end about him had become endearing and comforting now that he was someone she cared about. She stopped dead in the doorway with that thought causing Kaylee to let out a squeak as she ran into Inara's back.

Jayne jostled them all out of the way as he rushed in to see what had caused Inara to stop. "Whats wrong?" He snapped out crisply as his eyes scanned the store.

Flustered, Inara looked everywhere but at Jayne. "Oh, nothing, I'm sorry. I just realized something that surprised me." It wasn't that Inara didn't realize that she cared for both Jayne and River, that was, after all, something she had known in accepting the link. She had also known she was attracted to him and accepted that there would be physical intimacy. Quite possibly between all three of them eventually. Again not a problem.

To her mind it would be comparable to a marriage of convenience with people she cared about. What had never crossed her mind was that she might someday be 'in love'. Not that she was already, simply that the emotion she had felt in thinking of him alluded to that possibility.

Grabbing River and Kaylee's hands she quickly dragged them away before Jayne could ask any more questions.

"River, what all do you need for clothing?" Inara inquired.

She noticed River examining price tags and leaned down to whisper. "Get what you need, baobei, don't worry about the price."

"I made Simon give me some money." River responded.

"Thats fine, I just wanted you to know you didn't have to worry. We are a family and I want you to have whatever you need. I'm sure you will be earning your own money once we are working again. You can pay me back if you absolutely must, but it is unnecessary."

River nudged Inara and Kaylee and pointed with her chin towards Jayne. He was standing off to the side attempting very hard to look inconspicuous. It was an impossible task given his size and the fact that his clothing was at odds with someone likely to be in the store, and was made even more difficult by the bright red flush of his cheeks and his tendency to mutter, shuffle and fidget in his embarrassment.

The three had a definite girl moment and burst into giggles, slumping against each other. Jayne looked toward them at the sound and sent a very pointed glare in their direction. Inara was rather impressed with how much information he was able to convey. It was definitely a 'get your asses movin', I ain't gonna do this very long, man can't put up with much of this go se' look.

Inara smothered her giggles, gave him an understanding smile and was pleased to see his expression soften as he shook his head at the silliness of womenfolk.

She watched as River began to make her clothing selections.

Sighing, she turned to her own clothing needs. Even once she collected her clothing from the training house, she had few items that were suitable for working in the black as anything other than a Companion. She needed some more durable items.

"So what's it like?" Kaylee's question interrupted her thoughts.

"What, sweety?"

"You, River and Jayne, the link or whatever. What's it like?" Kaylee grinned, "You all lovers or what?"

Inara chuckled. "No nothing like that." She looked at Jayne from the corner of her eye.

Kaylee caught the glance, "OOOh, ya like him though." Kaylee bounced a little in excitement.

Inara felt the heat rise in her cheeks. She hadn't had time to process her new understanding about her feelings for Jayne. Initially, her attraction had been primarily physical due to proximity and the freedom from needing to worry about the impact on her ability to function as a Companion. Not to mention the soft side she had seen of him. "When it was just River, Jayne and I on the ship, Jayne took such good care of us. He slept in the common area so that he could come to us when we had nightmares."

Kaylee frowned at this statement. "Jayne did?"

Inara smiled and nodded, her eyes drifting over to gaze at him. "Jayne did. Then one night when I was at my lowest; I couldn't stop crying, he took me onto his lap, covered me up and just held me. He told me I was strong and would be fine. For some reason I believed him and felt better." She grinned at Kaylee, "He also told me that I shouldn't tell anyone about that because it would ruin both of our reputations, so I count on you to keep it a secret."

Kaylee laughed with her, though her eyes were glittering with tears at the wonderful story. "What happened then?" She was sure there was gonna be some good gossip next.

"Nothing." Inara chuckled at the disappointed expression on her face. "I woke the next morning still being held in his lap." She smiled softly at the memory. "I don't think I have woken up feeling as safe and protected since I was a little girl."

"Wow," Kaylee said breathlessly caught up in what she saw as the romance of the story. "I'd a never figured Jayne to be the comfortin' type. What about you an the Captain? I always thought you two had somethin' goin'"

"I have always been intrigued by the mystery of him. I think that morning with Jayne was when I realized that mystery was overrated. Mal and I hurt each other for so long. I feel unsafe, not physically but inside, and uncertain around him. Once upon a time, that feeling was exciting because my training in dealing with men made it very unlikely that they could surprise or confuse me. After everything we went through it seemed that life was uncertain and unsafe enough without chasing that feeling from a man as well. I also realized that I didn't believe Mal would ever be able to get past my 'whoring' and I didn't want to always fear that that was how he really saw me."

Inara thought for a moment. "When I say it out loud it sounds like I chose Jayne over Mal, but it wasn't like that at all. It was more that he made me feel strong and safe and the contrast made me realize what I didn't want. Once we found out about the link and I realized that Jayne, River and I would be together forever, it only made sense to let things develop as they may."

"So does the link, I dunno, make you like him?" Kaylee asked.

"I really don't think so. It does seem to make all three of us more open to each other. When we interact it seems like we let each other see much more of ourselves than we would anyone else. Let each other see the real us and though I'm not surprised River is a wonderful person now that she can show herself, Jayne has been one surprise after another. To be honest I don't think until lately any of us have ever seen the real Jayne."

Kaylee held a dress up to her body and modeled it. "Is River really ok now?"

Inara answered as truthfully as she could. "She is definitely much better. The link has stabilized her problems with the physical damage they did to her brain. She still has the years of trauma to deal with though. I don't believe there is any cause for concern any longer as far as her control goes, although, she has much healing to do yet."

"I'm real sorry, ya know, 'bout letting Simon in the infirmary. I just got so addlepated with him pushin' at me so hard, I couldn't figure what ta do." Kaylee said softly. "Then when the very next day it came out he was wrong ... I shoulda trusted you." Tears collected in her eyes and she looked at the ground.

Inara embraced her. "There is nothing to be sorry about, mei mei, we all knew you were trying to protect your family. There are no hard feelings from any of us. Not even for Simon, although it may take awhile for Jayne to get over being cut." She chuckled, "Seems to be a Tam family tradition."

Kaylee sniffled into Inara's shoulder. "Now he don't hardly even talk to me less'n I chase him down. Even then ... " her voice trailed into a whimper.

For all her experience with men, Inara had no advice for the poor girl on relationships. The best she could do for her was offer comfort.

Jayne's gruff voice startled them. "Everything ok?"

Kaylee pulled away from Inara, sniffled, wiped her nose on her sleeve and promptly threw herself into Jayne's arms. "I'm so sorry!"

Jayne held the sniffling bundle of woman awkwardly in his arms and frowned in question at Inara.

She smiled and mouthed 'later'.

Still frowning Jayne shrugged and hugged Kaylee, patting her back. His face scrunched up even further. If it weren't bad enough he had ta be in this gorram store, now he was havin' to play teddy bear. Again.

Inara could sense Jayne's glare and smiled over her shoulder at him as she left him with Kaylee. She browsed her way over to where River was holding up bras, her nose wrinkled with distaste.

River glanced at her then back at the frilly item in her hand. "One advantage of being crazy, I didn't have to wear _these." _She dropped the offending item back in the bin and held up a very ugly sports bra. "Or I could always go with this lovely item." The sarcasm dripped from her mouth. "However, since I no longer have to wear the bulky sweaters Simon made me wear since I wouldn't wear a bra, I suppose I will have to get something if I don't want Simon or Captain ba ba all streaky." She sighed.

Inara laughed, "Oh, honey, I almost never wear a bra unless I am with a client." She thought musingly, "or for fun." She smiled wickedly, "But then I don't usually have to wear them very long. Here try these instead." Inara pulled River over to a rack holding traditional Chinese silk halters and scarfs along with the more modern chemise and silk tank tops. "The scarfs are particularly good when you are going to be active and they are very versatile. I can teach you a number of ways to wrap and tie them that look and feel lovely."

River ran a scarf across the back of her hand. She grinned, "Much better, not torture devices hidden in pretty colors."

Inara surveyed River's rather small selection of clothing. "I can see I am going to have to help you select more items. I've seen your wardrobe, mei mei, this cannot be all you need."

River blushed but met Inara's gaze. "I didn't want to presume..."

"Nonsense," Inara interrupted. Pleased to see River keeping eye contact even when embarrassed. "I meant it, we are family and I mean you to have what you need."

She turned and seeing that Kaylee had let go of Jayne finally, called him over.

"Whatcha need." Jayne grunted, when he arrived.

Inara promptly laid the outfits she had selected for herself over one of his arms and River's stack over the other carefully stacking River's undergarments on top.

She put her hand over his mouth when he began to bluster. "Nonsense. A real man can help his women shop." She raised an eyebrow expectantly.

Kaylee and River both turned their best puppy eyes on him.

Jayne's mouth opened and shut a few times as he tried to ignore the looks and come up with an argument that didn't sound whiny and unmanly after that comment.

Gorram it how'd she manage to make refusing to carry all these fripperies around unmanly? Weren't fair. He stifled a grin. She'd said 'his women'.

"Fine." He grumped, trying to reach up and pull his hat further down over his eyes without dropping anything. "But can't you put something over them panties?" He whined. "Least this other stuff's kinda bulky an makes sense you'd need help carryin'."

Kaylee piped up, "I can get them, you probably can't carry em careful 'nough ta not drop em anyway."

"Can too." He glared at her.

Kaylee looked uncertain. "Well ... , if you're sure ... I don't think ..."

"I got em!" Jayne glared at her.

The three women quickly turned their backs on him to hide their grins of delight at his agreement. For all her confidence, Inara had thought she might be pushing him too far.

Jayne grinned at their backs. Had ta let women folk win sometimes. Made em more manageable other times. Though Inara was a sharp one, was gonna take some work to win when he needed to. Actually, River too, especially with the readin' and all. He scowled. Could be she'd said what it took to make him _think _he wanted to let them win. His brow furrowed, what days was it Inara'd said he could win?

* * *

Jayne sat outside the dressing room while Inara and River tried their outfits on. He was careful keep an unhappy expression on his face. Truth be told he was kinda enjoying watching the ladies model their clothes. This was the third store though and he was gettin' pretty tired of it all. 

A loud thump and a cry of pain from the dressing room had him on his feet gun drawn and headed that way when Inara opened the door. She was holding her stomach and waving for him.

She moved out of the way to let him in, "I don't know what happened she seemed to drift away and then she flailed around and fell to the floor and asked for you."

River sat huddled in the corner. She was dressed only in panties and her legs were drawn to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Her hands were white with tension as they clasped each other holding herself rigid. Her eyes were shut tightly and her jaw quivered with tension.

"Grab a robe or somethin' to cover her. Lets get her back to the ship." Jayne said as he picked her up.

"No." River ground out between her clenched teeth. "Not crazy. Just flashback. Hold me so I don't hurt anyone. Can't go back like this. Lose credibility." She shivered with the effort of speaking.

Inara handed Jayne a fluffy robe as he sat down on the bench in the dressing room. He carefully wrapped it around River and held her tight. Inara ran her fingers through River's hair and after a few minutes she began to soften. The quivering slowed until she finally relaxed against Jayne and took a deep breath.

River reached out and took Inara's hand, "I'm sorry, did I hurt you badly?"

"No, sweety, mostly just took me by surprise." Inara smiled lovingly at her, running the back of her hand along her cheek.

In reaching for Inara, the robe covering River's shoulders slipped down opening a gap along her front giving Jayne a view of her from neck to waist. He looked away quickly, becoming uncomfortable with the reminder that she was mostly naked in his lap.

"So, it was a flashback, are those new?" Jayne asked after clearing his throat. He was familiar with flashbacks. He didn't have them anymore, at least not often, but until he had gotten hardened to his work there'd been some rough times.

"Not new. I have had them all a long but they would usually precipitate one of my 'fits' so they weren't really distinguishable. I haven't had one since we became linked, so I had hoped they were a thing of the past as well."

"Y'all right now?" Jayne asked hopefully, needing desperately to get the woman off his lap.

River turned into him wrapping her arms around his chest and giving him a peck on the cheek. "Yes, thank you."

Jayne set her on her feet careful to keep the robe closed at her neck.

"All right then." He fled from the room.

Inara and River smiled softly at his flight. "Poor Jayne. He doesn't realize he already knows us so intimately that skin is irrelevant," River mused.

Inara shook her head in partial disagreement. "You are right, that it is irrelevant, but it isn't seeing the skin that bothers him, it's what he wants to do when he sees it that worries him. We have both, for different reasons, been in categories that were 'not for Jayne' for so long that he feels very conflicted about the appropriateness of his desire. He worries that to act on his desires while we are 'trapped' with him as a partner in the link would be to take advantage of us. That is something Jayne will not do, for all that Mal and Simon wouldn't believe."

River considered Inara's explanation as she tried on a new outfit. While she understood seduction and had a great deal of book information on human interactions, her practical understanding of motives and behaviors was drastically lacking. If she read a person and they understood their motives she could too, but that only covered basic drives. She could read further levels of emotion but had never been able to assign mathematical values that seemed to properly weigh the multitude of conflicting reasons for behavior. Understanding the shadow of Jayne that he used to present to everyone had been easier than the Jayne she had seen today. That Jayne had been very direct and physical, more primal. Want, take, have. No guilt, no worries about appropriateness or rules. Simply a question of risk vs reward.

She looked at Inara wondering about the future. "I am not ready for anything physical yet. I, I think I have too much to unlearn first, but I see extensive sexual tension between the two of you and I wonder what ... in the future...it is an odd number."

Having already considered this in light of the group dynamic and made peace with the idea, Inara smiled reassuringly, understanding the question fully. "Yes, there are three of us, mei mei, no requirements but no walls either. Three of us, not two and one."

River felt a knot ease in her stomach. While she knew that sort of arrangement was not common and often gave others moral qualms, she was not one of those people. Moral issues related to social convention or religious beliefs had never been something she had related well to.

She wasn't certain it would matter. As she had told Inara, she was nowhere near being ready for a physical relationship and not realy sure if she ever would be, but she had been feeling concern at how they could be complete together if there were exclusions in what the relationship could be.

* * *

Inara opened the door to her shuttle and stepped in, motioning a welcome to Simon. 

He looked around curiously. The shuttle had been decorated since he was last here. He stopped, surprised at the difference in the décor from the last time Inara had stayed in the shuttle. It hadn't occurred to him just how differently Inara might decorate now that she was no longer working as a Companion.

Inara watched him self-consciously. He was the first person not of their trio to be in the shuttle.

He smiled at her questioning look. "It's very different but quite nice." He looked around again, "Perhaps a little less feminine than I would have expected."

Inara shrugged and smiled at him. "Jayne."

He shifted quickly into scientist mode and opened his pad to take notes. "Do you think.." Inara's soft chuckle interrupted him.

"You are incorrigible. No, at least not in the way you mean. I simply knew about the link and consciously decorated in a way that would be less offensive to him. Now put away your pad and have a seat." She directed him to a chair. "I didn't invite you here to discus the link. Would you care for some tea?" She turned to the counter and began setting up the tea service.

"Yes, thank you." He waited politely, enjoying the civilized atmosphere that he so rarely saw out in the black.

"Actually, I was wondering if you had spoken to Kaylee today?" Inara brought the tea service over and set it on the table between them.

He waited as she sat and began to pour. "Only briefly this morning. Why do you ask?" He took a sip and nodded appreciatively.

Inara politely smiled her thanks and continued. "Would you say we have become close enough for me to be brutally honest with you?" Inara inquired as she placed her teacup down, indicating a desire to get to the point.

"Why of course." His face showed his concern. "Have I done something to offend you?"

She sighed to herself. It never ceased to amaze her how completely clueless even very intelligent men could be. "Not to me, but you have behaved abominably toward Kaylee."

Simon sputtered. "How? What do you mean?"

Inara glared at him, "I don't believe for a single moment that you don't know. After what you said to her on Mr. Universe's Moon, how can you even pretend that your behavior since has been anything but cruel?"

Simon blushed. "I haven't meant it that way. It's just that so much has happened with River and I've needed to focus on that. I was sure she understood."

"I see." Inara nodded. "So you spoke to her about this then?"

"Well, no, that is ... I just thought she would realize how important this all was." Simon defended himself.

"Important as compared to what? How she feels? How she thought you felt?" Inara pursed her lips and looked at him as if he were a particularly low form of life.

"No! Thats not at all what I meant." He finally stopped talking and thought for a moment. "I guess that is what I meant, although not quite so harshly."

"Simon, she is grieving the loss of her friends here and on Haven just as we all are. But she is also grieving the loss of the hope you had given her. I hadn't realized until I found her crying in the engine room today that you were all but ignoring her."

Simon groaned. "I hadn't even thought about what she was going through." He slumped in his chair.

"Do you care about her?" Inara inquired.

Simon looked up. "Yes."

She nodded sharply. "Good. You need to take some time with her. Leave the research for now if needed. She is hurting terribly."

"But the research is important..." Simon began.

Inara sighed in exasperation. "Not nearly as important as Kaylee. The link isn't going anywhere and there is little urgency at the moment. River is stable and her requirements for your attention very minimal. Take the time, Simon. Given the restrictions River gave you for how intrusive you are allowed to be, you probably won't need to forgo anything." Inara was beginning to get tired of his one track mind. It may very well be that he wasn't a good match for Kaylee.

She had met men like Simon before and it was rare indeed when relationships were of interest enough to them to supplant their vocation as their first priority and Kaylee would never be happy being second to work. Admittedly, Simon seemed to be more focused on River than medicine per se but from his description of his life before rescuing River she wasn't sure that he wouldn't always find something more important than his personal relationships. Even with River his focus was largely on the medical aspects of her situation not her as a person, not that she would deny he loved his sister. Well, it wasn't for her to decide, she would give the nudge and then try and support Kaylee come what may.

He smiled sheepishly, "You are correct, of course. If you will excuse me I think I'll go grovel."

Given his smile, she got the impression he wasn't taking this as seriously as he should.

"One more thing, Simon." The chill in Inara's voice stopped him as he started for the door.

He turned and the look on her face did credit to Jayne's iciest glare. Simon stepped back, certain that her expression was more frightening than anything he had ever seen on Jayne's face.

"Don't you dare play with her. You really don't want to see what I'm capable of if you hurt my friend like this again. If you intend to do it, mean it. Otherwise, let her go. Dong ma?"

* * *

Simon closed the shuttle door quietly behind him. His face was white and his hands shook with fear based adrenaline. He had never thought of Inara as capable of exuding that level of violence. He paused and frowned. Pulling out his pad he began writing furiously. Perhaps it was some sort of personality overlay caused by the link... 


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: This chapter is so short because it is rightfully a continuation of the previous one. It should have been a part of the last one but I messed up the upload. I decided it was long enough to go up as its own.

* * *

Chapter 15

Jayne paced his bunk. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweats and had stuck his bare feet into his boots. He ran his hand up over his face and back through his hair in agitation. They were supposed to all sleep in the shuttle tonight. This would be the first time they'd be climbing in to bed together without it being a bunch of emotional stuff that ended them up there completely exhausted.

He'd taken care of himself a couple of times here in his bunk in the hopes that his body would cooperate and not embarrass him in bed. Least not before they all got to sleep. He wasn't sure he'd be gettin' any sleep to speak of though. He checked his duffel again. He had clothes for in the mornin' and his gun belt so he could get dressed up there. That way he could leave his sleepin' clothes. Not that he usually wore anything, but seemed like strippin' down and climbing in bed with them would be one a them 'inappropriate' things ta quote Three Percent.

Ai ya, where was he gonna get dressed?

Groaning, he rubbed his head and sat on the edge of his bunk. He hated wearing clothes to bed. Always seemed like he wound up feeling tied up in the middle of the night with them all twisted wrong and such.

Finally, cursing himself a coward he grabbed his duffel and climbed out of his bunk.

"Jayne," Zoe called to him from the bridge.

He headed up to her. "Yea?"

"Am I gonna have the doc in here all night bitching again?" Her eyes were red from lack of sleep and grief.

"Naw. He ain't zactly happy but he knows whats goin' on. Shouldn't have a need to bother ya none." Jayne thought about it, "Least ways not about that."

"River and Inara came by." She turned back to look out the front.

Jayne wasn't sure if she meant for him to ask or not. So he did. "And?"

"Asked if I'd be all right if they talked to Mal about learning to pilot." Her voice was harsh.

Jayne put down his duffel and sat in the co-pilot seat staring out at the lights of the city.

"I ever tell you how I ended up out in the black, Zoe?" Jayne asked. Knowing, of course, that he hadn't. "That's my boy!" he heard his mother, "Didn't even have ta thump ya this time." The smile in her voice was clear.

He didn't tell Zoe about Nettie, just Sara and his son.

"How long did it take?" Zoe asked quietly.

"Twenty years and counting," he answered. "But its goin' some quicker now."

"Sounds about right," she said.

"Thing is you're smarter'n me by a bunch, Zoe. Smart enough ta know you got people around you that'll help if'n you let them." He saw her glare. "Ain't sayin' it'll be any shorter or hurt less, it's right for it to hurt, but ain't no call for things to get so dark you lose yourself like I did. Pure luck that brought me back. Figure, if anything, I probably made it longer by stuffing it away so far."

"You reckon River is well enough to pilot?" Zoe changed the subject.

Jayne thought for a time. He knew instinctively that she was testing him. Didn't know in what way, but the only way to be sure he passed was to be honest. If he weren't honest, he'd a good idea it'd destroy any good he'd done tellin' her about Sara.

"She had a flashback today." When Zoe turned to look at him he went on. "Not one a her fits, a flashback. Said it was the first one since ... Anyway, guess she used to get them before but they was all mixed in with her fits." He made firm eye contact with her. He felt Zoe had the right to know that it wasn't any craziness that give her the flashbacks. They were earned. "They hurt that girl somethin' fierce, Zoe. We all knew some and suspected more but she told me and Inara about it and it was beyond anything i'd a conjured. Used her terrible. Sent her out to kill folks. Put her in a virtual chamber, place so good she couldn't tell the difference 'tween it and reality and she'd wake up and they'd kill her. Over and over again when she wouldn't kill for them. For all that, she ain't any more broke than the rest of us anymore. Yea, I reckon she's good enough to pilot."

Zoe knew all about flashbacks. "Good enough. Tell them I'll talk to him." She nodded good night and turned away, dismissing him.

"If you have ta tell Mal, I understand, but I'd rather River's story stayed between us." He asked as he stood.

When Zoe nodded, he grabbed his duffel and left.

Zoe had lied when she told Jayne twenty years sounded right. It didn't sound half long enough. But she was beginning to have a clue what else Jayne had lost by not taking comfort from those around him. She'd have to think on it some, but she wouldn't be doin' Wash's memory any favor to lose herself like Jayne had.

"Never thought I'd see the day Wifey, but you best be listening to Jayne." She watched him shake his head. "Simon was wrong, this must be what going crazy feels like," He said. She sniffled as she laughed, then let the tears take her for the first time and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

"Kaylee?" Simon called before he entered the engine room. As he entered he saw her sitting in her hammock reading. He smiled at her.

"What'd ya want, Simon." She said, her face expressionless.

"I came down to apologize for being so scarce lately. I'm very sorry that I've left you alone so much. I've just been so worried about River that I got caught up in things and haven't paid proper attention to you." He spouted his rehearsed speech, grateful that he hadn't stuck his foot in his mouth for a change.

"That all ya got?" She said angrily. "Cuz it sounds to me like you talked to 'Nara. And it don't even sound like ya listened all that good, cuz I couldn't even tell if you was sorry for what ya did to me or sorry that somethin' more important came up."

"I...Well of course I'm sorry..." Simon sputtered not ever having run into this side of Kaylee.

"You know what? I don't even wanna hear." She stood up and got in his face. "You listen to me for a change, Simon Tam." She stabbed her finger into his chest. "I'm a nice person but I ain't never afore been this angry. You hurt me more'n I ever been hurt in my life. I been throwin' myself at you for nearly a year now and landin' face first in the mud for my pains. Thats my own fēng le shăguā fault. But this is your doin'. I'm done. You want somthin' from me, I mean for you ta earn it. You wanna talk to me about more'n the job or good mornin', then you best give me a reason to talk. You cut them feet off if'n ya need to ta keep em outta your mouth, cuz I ain't assumin' the best no more. You mess up, I walk away. You best get gone and think for awhile. And if you're still," she made a face and wobbled her head as she exaggeratedly pronounced "**sorry"**, she poked him with her finger again, "then you best be makin' a plan." She picked up her book and flopped back in her hammock breathing heavily. "Good Night, Simon," she said pointedly and held the book up as if reading.

Throughout Kaylee's tirade Simon's back had gotten more and more straight until by the end he looked as if he had backed on to an iron post. He bowed shortly and stiffly, "Please excuse the interruption, Kaylee." And left.

Kaylee waited until she couldn't hear him anymore, then threw her book across the room. She slipped out of the hammock and began stomping back and forth across the engine room, a steady stream of mandarin flowing from her mouth. She stopped every so often to do the head wobble and mutter "sorry", before continuing on.

Finally worn out from cussin' and stompin' she curled back into her hammock. Tears ran down her face as she snuggled her pillow into a hug and closed her eyes.

* * *

Standing at the foot of the bed, Jayne smiled at how lovely his girls looked snuggled together, hair fanned out on their pillows. They looked so peaceful-like sleepin'.

He started when Inara sat up. She smiled. "Jayne, are you going to get into bed or are you going to stand there all night looking at us? You've been standing there nearly ten minutes."

He smiled back, then said gruffly, "Hard choice there, bao bei, it's a fine sight from here." He blushed a little as he kicked at the floor. "'Sides weren't real sure where to climb in at."

Inara shook her head in exasperation, hiding her thrill at the endearment, as River giggled. He blushed harder, he'd thought them both asleep.

Jayne's eyes widened as Inara got out of bed, gorram if she weren't wearing that tiny wisp of a nightgown he'd admired on her before. He couldn't help but wonder if she had panties on. She walked around to him and took his hand, pulling him around to the bed where she had gotten out. Pushing on him until he crawled in next to River, she followed him in and pulled the covers up over them all.

"This is your spot, Jayne, unless one of us is having a bad day and needs to be in the middle, dong ma?" She waited a moment for his response and when he didn't answer she patted him on the chest. "Dong ma, Jayne?"

"Wu dong." He answered nervously.

River promptly pushed his arm behind her and laid her head on his shoulder. She tucked one hand slightly under his back where she splayed her fingers out and rested the other on his chest.

Inara, feeling how rigid he was holding himself, hugged his bicep to her with her top arm, put her head on his arm and wrapped her other arm under his shoulder so she could reach his hair with her fingers. His breathing stopped when she began running her fingertips through his hair, then slowly started again as he sighed and began to relax.

The warmth and softness of their bodies and the repetitive feel of Inara's fingers running through his hair drew the tension out of his body. 'Gorram, if this ain't as good as sex. Well, not really, but pretty gorram close,' was his last thought as he fell asleep.

Inara smiled against his shoulder as she heard his breathing even out into sleep. She snuggled herself tighter to him and rested her leg across his.

"Good night, River." She whispered.

"Good night, Inara, sweet dreams," River giggled softly.

"Brat."

* * *

A/N: Next time we welcome Mal back.

Thank you all very much for the kind reviews. It really is astounding how motivating they are!


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: From this point on the sensuality between our trio will begin to climb. I will make a note before any chapter that contains graphic sex and provide a summary at the end of any chapter where the intimacies are crucial to the storyline.

I do presume that anyone who has traveled this far into the story understands that there will be instances of threesomes in sexual situations, but I don't intend to turn this into a sex fest. The only instances where I will be graphic will have ties to specific plot developments. As we have already seen, intense emotion has an impact on the link therefor it is reasonable that sex will also have an impact.

Having said that, Enjoy! This chapter was another challenging one for me. I haven't had much Mal in the story yet, so I hope his interactions come across believable. I didn't give him as much of an opportunity to get as mad as he would have liked but I hope it is understandable given the situation and that I was able to retain at least the denial we so love in him.

Please comment – I know he can be made better! (On any of them for that matter.)

* * *

Chapter 16

Jayne woke slowly. He luxuriated in the feeling of the two women wrapped around his body. He'd slept a damn sight better than he'd expected. Didn't think he'd moved a bit. The sensation of two hands lying against the bare skin of his chest drew his attention. He looked down. Well, seemed like he'd moved after all. Somewhere in the night he'd gotten rid of his shirt. As if noticing had turned on his sense of feeling, he began to feel the tickle of hair from the two dark haired beauties, each with their head on a shoulder.

His ability to feel seemed to work its way down from there and he became aware that one of them had their leg thrown across his hips, and his xiăo dìdì was definitely happy with the soft thigh pressing against it. He raised his head up to look. Inara's leg then. He let his head flop back down. That was a relief.

His left arm was wrapped around River, the hand curled over her hip. His right arm was still between him and Inara, pressed against her body (he tried not to focus too much on the softness pressed against his bicep) with his hand lying on the naked thigh that was thrown across him. He flexed his hand, letting it sink softly into the silky skin and was rewarded by a small murmur as she pulled herself against him tighter.

Her reaction woke him up more fully and he stopped caressing her. He began to tense. He had to get out of here before he did something wrong. As his panic rose, he felt the women begin to pick up on the tension and stir. He forced himself to relax by breathing deeply and he felt them calm.

It suddenly dawned on him, he'd have almost sworn he heard a click in his head as the thought popped out of nowhere. He was being an idiot. It wasn't as if Inara didn't know a thing or two about men. He smirked at himself for not thinking about that. She'd have to be a sight dumber than she was to've not realized he was gonna get hard with two women snuggled up against him. Hell, far as he knew most men were in the morning, even without that good of an excuse and she probably knew that too. He wasn't sure just how far River's practical knowledge went but she was sure as hell smart enough to ask Inara or follow her lead about things like that. And they'd both chosen to stick him in the middle.

Trust. He was gonna have to trust them to understand and not get angry for things he couldn't help. And he'd have to figure that they trusted him to not jump the gun just cuz they touched him or happened to show some skin. Trust and respect. He needed to make sure he treated them with respect, not that it was a hard thing for him to do, he already respected them. All he had ta do was make sure he showed them.

His mind much more calm, he realized that some time in there, while he was thinkin', his hand had started caressing Inara's leg. He nearly stopped, then with his new found understanding he let himself continue. She touched the hell out of him so seemed likely she wasn't gonna get all upset if he touched her. He chuckled, if someone had told him just a month ago that he could lay between two women and it not damage his calm so much he couldn't sleep without sexin' them first, he'd a thought them crazy. He pulled River tighter to him. Yet here he was and he didn't reckon he'd felt this good in a long damn time.

He let himself drift back to sleep his hand lazily luxuriating in Inara's soft skin.

Inara had woken when she felt Jayne tense. She had been about to try and calm him when he calmed himself. She smiled to herself when she felt his hand begin moving on her thigh again. She had had to restrain a shiver when his chuckle caused him to vibrate against her.

After he drifted back to sleep she pulled herself up his body to tuck her face into his neck, kissing him softly, very pleased with whatever he had realized that let him relax and keep touching her. Then she shifted her legs around to let his hand drop to the inner thigh of her other leg. Laying her top leg back across his hips, she pulled herself tightly against him and let the warmth of his hand, placed so intimately, yet almost innocently, draw her back to sleep.

* * *

When Jayne next woke he was alone in the bed. Soft voices and laughter let him know he wasn't alone in the shuttle. He rolled over on his side towards the sound and propped his head on his hand, grinning happily at the sight before him. Inara was apparently teaching River how to wrap her chest in some sort of long scarf. She would wrap the scarf around her torso then weave a pattern around her breasts and occasionally over her shoulders or around her neck, sometimes covering her breasts completely and other times leaving the dark tips to jut free. Then watch River do her own while offering suggestions or tugging the folds to place them properly on River's breasts.

Initially, Jayne felt slightly guilty, as though he were intruding or being a peeper but he valiantly fought the thought aside in favor of his earlier decision to trust that if he wasn't supposed to look, they wouldn't be doing it where he might see.

A sharp stab of lust tightened his groin and his xiăo dìdì hardened as he watched what had to be just about the sexiest gorram thing he'd ever seen. River and Inara were only wearing thongs except for the scarves. Strangely, he felt the lust move to the background, although it still pulsed strongly there, to be covered by a softer desire and a simple comfort in watching two beautiful women doin' womenfolk things.

He let his gaze linger on the forms of the women, first one, then the other, not comparing so much as noting differences. Both had their hair up in a ponytail to avoid catching it in the scarves as they wrapped their torsos but otherwise they were opposites in most ways.

River was slender and lean while still having a nicely feminine form. Just how feminine caught Jayne by surprise as he hadn't ever allowed himself to really look before. Her breasts sat high and full, more so than he would have thought without being large enough to be effected by gravity, and were tipped with small pale pink nipples.

She moved as if she were about ready to spin into a dance, smooth and economical and laced with a hint of some unheard musical rhythm. As she shifted her weight from leg to leg he could see the cheeks of her ass go concave and then round out as the muscles moved beneath her skin. Her flat stomach rippled when she laughed. He found that, to him, she looked like her personality; young, active and playful with just a dash of deadly for spice.

Inara on the other hand, he leered to himself at the idea of one of them in each hand, was softer, more lush and voluptuous. Her breasts were perfect tear drop shapes, full and heavy enough to rest lightly on her ribcage and sway with her movement. He had gotten enough of a view of her the times he'd seen her in a nightie to have an idea what she would look like naked but the reality still took his breath away. The perfectly shaped breasts were tipped with dark brown nipples.

Her back swept down to beautiful full rounded globes of an ass that begged for a man to sink his hands into. She had the slightly rounded belly that spoke of woman and sex. Each movement was sensuous, somehow seeming as if it was part of a private show designed specifically for the watcher. No movement made without intent. Inara's body reflected her personality as well; sexy, lush, elegant, and controlled.

Jayne figured he must have died in his sleep.

Predictably it was River that first noticed Jayne was awake. She flushed at the approval he broadcast while he examined her form. Perhaps Jayne seeing her skin was not as inconsequential as she had thought. She had been subjected to hearing men's lust in her mind before and though she felt Jayne's initial spark, his more gentle desire and blatant approval of her as a complete person gave her a warm curly feeling low in her stomach. That was a new feeling.

After taking a couple of breaths to calm herself she turned and gave Jayne a playful smile. "You are finally done snoring?"

"I don't snore!" He growled. "Someone would've tried to kill me in my sleep by now if I did."

She bounced over and jumped on the bed knocking him to his back and hopping over him to flop down on what had apparently been designated as her side of the bed. She laid her forearms on his chest and put her chin on her hands. He automatically wrapped his arm up and splayed his hand across her back.

He raised an eyebrow as she stared him in the eyes with a more serious expression.

"What?" He grumbled. He was trying desperately to hold on to his feelings of non-guilt while really enjoying the press of the young woman's naked breasts against his chest.

Slowly she pulled herself up until her face was nearly touching his, she bent her neck, and kissed him on the lips all the while maintaining eye contact. At first he was motionless, caught completely by surprise. Her eyes widened as if he were the one that had surprised her with a kiss. Finally, he relaxed and returned the kiss his hand tightening on her back.

It wasn't a particularly sexy kiss, more of an affectionate planting of lips against lips, really. Then she let herself slide back to rest her chin back on her hands and return to studying him. Her tongue slid out and licked her lips and his unconsciously mimicked her. He smiled as he took in the taste of her from his lips, cementing the knowledge of the taste of River in his mind.

As he saw her face turn questioning, he cupped the back of her head and drew her up and kissed her back in much the same way she had him. When he released the pressure that had brought her up to him, she pulled back and he was rewarded with a blinding smile. She propped her head back on her hands, grinning at him.

Her eyes cut to the side and his followed to see Inara as she knelt on the edge of the bed. His eyes widened in appreciation as she dropped forward onto her hands and knees and prowled towards him, her body swaying all kinds a pleasing ways and she laid down in a mirror image of the way River had been lying. He nearly groaned at the feel of her naked torso on his.

"Do I get a good morning kiss too?" She asked in a sultry voice.

The questions set off a confusing number of answers in Jayne's head, 'Hell yea', 'Gorram right!' but what came out, in a rather hoarse voice was, "'Course."

She slid up his body, then stopped, her eyes searching his. She felt a strong need to savor this moment of their first kiss. Then unable to wait any longer she dropped her lips to his. The softness of his lips was a shock. She would have known they would be soft if she had thought about it, but one just didn't think of softness very much when thinking of Jayne and it simply hadn't occurred to her. Her tongue darted out wanting to _taste_ and his lips opened instantly and his tongue joined hers.

Jayne raised his hand to her hip and then unable to help himself he slid it around to cup her soft bottom. He let his fingers sink into the flesh, then slowly, he squeezed. They tasted matching groans on their tongues and his other hand unconsciously caressed River's side.

Enjoying the caress, River leaned into his hand slightly as she watched them. This was a side of sex that had been denied her. This affectionate intimacy of mutual desire and real emotions contrasted against the harsh one-sided lust that was her only reference point for sex. She closed her eyes to let the pleasing emotions wash over her and reveled in the soft caress of Jayne's hand on her side. The intensity began to be too much and River opened her eyes, wondering if she should leave them to find their pleasure.

Inara sucked Jayne's lower lip into her mouth and nibbled on it as she pulled away, slowly letting it slide from her mouth. His eyes opened and she smiled at the sparkle in them. They grinned at each other and spoke a simultaneous, "Good morning!"

Inara darted in for on last quick bite of his lips then sat up. "You'd better get dressed and go have some breakfast. Mal should be waking shortly and somehow I don't think you're going to want to see him with an empty stomach and wearing sweats," she chuckled.

"What about you two," he glanced appreciatively at them, "y'ain't exactly dressed to see him either."

"Thats true but whereas we have been dressed, cleaned up, eaten breakfast and only need to put our dresses back on, you have done nothing but snore." River chimed.

He groaned and struggled upright. "Reckon that was the best breakfast I've had in a long time. But yer right. I'm still a might hungry," he leered at them in turn.

Inara scowled at him but the light in her eyes showed that she was still hungry herself, "Go on, I bought you a toothbrush and razor and put them in the head."

Jayne smiled, pleased with the idea that he wouldn't have to run all over the gorram ship to get ready. "Shiny!"

"Jayne?" Inara called, just before he entered the head.

He turned to them, "Yea?"

"May we know what changed this morning? Yesterday you all but ran out of the dressing room after you knew River was ok and we aren't wearing any more this morning than she was then." Inara said.

He grinned at her. "Realized that you knew enough 'bout men ta not get streaky fer things they can't help about their bodies." He shrugged and his face turned more solemn as he shuffled his feet, uncomfortable with sayin' so much about what he was feelin', "Also figured ain't much about the three of us gonna seem 'propriate to most folks and I know, that knowin' whats right ain't exactly my strong point, so I'm gonna trust both of you to figure whats right for us. Figure I ain't doin' nothin' wrong by you for enjoying whatever ya share a yourselves." He blushed as he looked away from them. Sounded all ... girly when he said it out loud like that.

"You ... You trust us?" Inara asked, almost unable to believe she had heard him right.

"That's a gorram silly thing ta ask! A course I trust ya, wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed with ya over and over again if I didn't." He glared at them. "Just took me a bit to realize that if I trust ya then I'm bein' disrespectful to conjure you don't mean or know what your doin'." Finally he warmed to his subject. "It's like this mornin'. Felt some guilty watchin' ya ... whatever ya was doin', at first. Then decided to trust that if you was doin' something you didn't want me to see, you wouldn't a been doin' it where I might wake up and see. An I figure you trusted me not to jump up and try an do something wrong-like or at least that ya weren't ready for." He smirked at their stunned expressions.

As if pulled by duplicate strings both women crawled off of the bed and swayed slowly toward him with expressions of bemusement. Not quite sure of their intent, Jayne's smirk faded with their approach. He couldn't quite wrap his head around how similar they looked while still looking entirely themselves. River's movements called to mind a playful dance while Inara's were filled with the sensual grace of a woman aware of her body's impact on a man.

Upon reaching him they slipped under his arms and wrapped their arms around his torso and hugged him tightly.

River leaned her head back and looked at his face searchingly. "Jayne is much more intelligent than he lets on."

"Ain't neither," he grunted after searching her face for sarcasm. "Only made sense. Trust and respect – without respect, ain't really no trust."

"River is right, Jayne. In my experience very few men are willing to respect a woman in that way while at the same time they claim to trust them."

He snorted, "Ain't met my ma then, she'd fix them a that idea right quick." He leaned down and gave them both warm kisses, lingering just a little longer with Inara. He spun them around and swatted them both on the ass and watched the red flush his hands had raised appreciatively. "Now go on and let me get dressed, you're startin' to tempt me to misbehave.

He turned to enter the small head. Hell, weren't no way he could get dressed in here, the room was so small he could barely get the door closed. He looked down at the rather impressive tent in his sweats. An if he tried to do anything about that, he knew the sound echoing out into the shuttle would make it obvious what he was doin'. He sighed. Reckoned he'd have to get used to spending a fair amount a quality time in his bunk.

He wondered that he wasn't more frustrated. He should be raging at not having gotten any sexin' after all that flesh bein' flashed around and pressed up against him. He couldn't help but wonder if there weren't something in the link helpin' him keep his calm. That of its own should be tickin' him off but instead he found he kinda liked the slow going.

All the snuggling and little touches that didn't automatically mean sexin' were right calming and peaceful feelin'. Wakin' up holding them that morning had felt better than any a the women he'd woken up holdin' over the years since Sara, and he'd sexed them up. And even with Sara there'd always been a sexin' urgency to their touches. He wasn't right sure what this was about. Not that he didn't want to sex 'em, mind. Just that it didn't take as much away from the touches as he'd a thought knowing he weren't gonna sex 'em right then would.

Picking up the only toothbrush that didn't look like it'd been used yet, he started cleaning up. He grumbled to himself. In earnest, he hoped they got dressed and gone before he came out to change. He grunted with surprise as he raised the toothbrush in his hand. He took a quick sniff. His hand smelled more like Inara than the amount of touchin' he knew about would account for. He smirked and breathed in deeply. Yup, lots more. Gorram!

As he left the head, he found his hopes dashed. The two women sat on the couch, apparently reading, but from the quick glances his way he knew they weren't really. They'd gotten dressed and River looked older than she usually did. He figured it was cuz she had on clothes that fit and were more for her age than what Simon'd picked out for her. She looked more like the pretty young woman she was than the cute girl her old stuff made her look.

He raised his eyebrow at them but when he saw the answering little smirks he figured it was his turn ta show a little skin. Well, Jayne Cobb had never had cause to be embarrassed about his body. Ignoring them as well as he could he got his clothes out of his bag, then dropped his sweats letting himself spring free.

A gasp from River caused him to look up and he winced at the expression on her face. She'd been sitting cross legged but now she had her legs held tightly together in a protective manner and was looking rather fixedly at his xiăo dìdì with more than a little concern. He glanced quickly to Inara and was comforted by her expression. Her eyes had widened and her tongue slipped out to lick her lower lip.

He watched as Inara drew her attention away from him and pulled River over to whisper in her ear. Jayne grabbed his pants and pulled them on while keeping an eye on River and was relieved when she blushed, giggled embarrassedly and relaxed her legs. He nodded to himself, her sexin' experiences hadn't been pleasant, ta say the least, and he understood how seein' someone his size might be fairly intimidatin'.

* * *

"Welcome back." Simon glanced over his data pad to greet Mal as he opened his eyes.

Zoe watched as Mal looked around, bleary eyed from being out so long. He swallowed convulsively a couple of times and croaked out a ragged, "Hey."

She held a cup of water with a straw up for him and held it as he sucked greedily.

"Damn, feelin' kinda dry, tastes good." He looked at Simon and then at Zoe. "Everything ok?"

"Better than ok, actually." Simon said. "I removed the shunts for the regenerative therapy last night. Your stats are all solid and the only thing you have to recover from is that minor surgery. Well, almost, you will, of course, have to rebuild your strength. With laying around for the last three weeks you will find yourself fairly weak.

Mal snorted at Simon's snark, then frowned, "Seemed like last I remember was supposed to be three or four more days."

Zoe explained before Simon could get himself in trouble. "Trip down did a bit a damage to ya, tore you up some where the shunts were. Doc put you out and fixed you back up. We talked some and turned out the regen could be done faster if he kept you out until it was done."

Simon jumped in to forestall the obvious next questions. "Keeping you out for the full time it would have taken for the therapy to work wasn't a good idea but since your spleen was nearly completely regenerated it was a viable option for the last portion of therapy. You have only been out two days."

Mal looked at Zoe, "Everything good with my ship?"

Zoe crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. "Ships fine. Did some systems tests with Kaylee yesterday everything checked fine. Just waiting on the Alliance to deliver a new thruster. It's due in tomorrow. We get that mounted and we'll be good."

"And my crew?" Mal caught Simon's wince out of the corner of his eye. He frowned. Seemed like he remembered bein' some agitated as his last state of mind.

Mal watched Zoe's face change to concerned. He couldn't have explained just what he saw change to save his life, what with Zoe's expressions generally ranging from nothing to, well, nothing, except around Wash. Mal winced internally, he wondered how she was dealing with that. He could see the grief in the way she held herself but there was something about her that said she was doin' some better than the last time he'd seen her. He was glad, he was feelin' more than a little guilty at the man's death.

He was startled out of his thoughts when she handed him a cup of broth. He took a deep breath. Smelled damn good. His hand shook some as it took the weight of the cup and he brought the other up to help hold it steady. Doc wasn't playin' when he said he had some strength to recover.

With a sigh Mal took a sip of the broth. About the best damn thing he'd tasted in a long while. Might even be a taste of real meat to it.

"Guess you best get to tellin' while I enjoy this fine repast." He grunted as he looked at Zoe. He could tell that her concern was for how he was gonna take something. Best be gettin' it over with if he was gonna have to do some captain-y yellin'. He noted Simon's hasty retreat from the infirmary. Oh this was not gonna be good, took some doin' to get the Doc out of 'his' infirmary voluntarily.

"Crew is fine, sir." Zoe paused, "Just some new dynamics to get used to." She winced inwardly at having used Inara's description of how Mal would deal.

Mal paused, then gulped down the last of the broth. He really wanted more but truth was he was pretty full already. Seemed like he was starting to remember somethin' about that agitation he'd felt. Something about Inara. Inara and Jayne!

"If that hundan has taken advantage of Inara and River while they was alone down here, I'll kill him!" He snarled, though part of him knew that if it was anything very bad Zoe would'a already killed Jayne.

"Nothing like that, sir. Nothing wrongful going on ... Just unexpected." Thats what she got for trying to slip up on it with him. Gave him too much chance to jump ahead and go all cockeyed on the situation. Should have known better.

Mal's eyes narrowed as bits began to come together. "This is the real reason it was suddenly ok to keep me out until the regen was done, ain't it?"

Zoe nodded sharply, "You got upset and injured yourself pretty bad. Seemed better to let you heal first, sir."

Pissed at being kept out of things, Mal glared at her with his best You-have-screwed-with-the-captain look. "Best get on with it, if that is, you think I can handle it now," he said sarcastically.

She gave him a pained look. "Don't expect ya can, sir, but I'll tell you anyway," she snarked right back.

Zoe settled herself more comfortably against the counter and began the story of River's mind. She watched Mal as his face showed by turns shock, anger, sadness and finally mostly anger. It was necessary for her to pause a few times to let him burn off some of his frustrations in cursing. In the end she watched as he closed in on himself. His face cold and expressionless.

"So you've let them have the shuttle then?" He asked, his voice distant.

"Yes, sir, only appropriate place. They ain't all moved in, not really enough room, but its where they sleep." She responded.

He gave a harsh cackling laugh, "Ain't none a this 'appropriate', Zoe, would a expected you to realize that."

"Not sure I agree, but I don't see we've got much choice in the matter, sir, less you feel running em all off the ship to be the answer." Zoe stated with conviction.

"I ain't havin' it on my ship!" He locked eyes with her. 'Can't have it on the ship,' he thought.

Zoe dropped her hands to her hips and stood up, her posture fairly screaming disagreement. She knew exactly why Mal was talkin' that way. "You had nearly two years to do something. Even let her leave and did nothing. She finally comes home and you mean to sunder this family over something that isn't her fault nor anyone else's?"

Zoe didn't want to trek down the road to what losing more of the crew might do to her. She wasn't all that clear on why she felt so strongly. She didn't have particularly strong feelings towards any particular person of the four. What she did have was strong feelings about how the ship felt with all of these people onboard.

Losing Wash had broken her. She understood that and truthfully didn't expect to ever recover completely. In fact, until Jayne spoke to her, she hadn't even been able to comprehend recovering at all. Still didn't really believe it deep down. But if there was anything that could shatter what was left of her, it would be to break the crew in half. Losing them might very well be all it took to break Kaylee too.

Mal winced at Zoe's direct approach to what he _hadn't_ been thinkin' around. "Don't conjure it has anything to do with Inara. It's got to do with whats smart. That little girl's brain keeps pullin' us about, playin' games with our lives. We ain't got the least clue what it's gonna do to us next. Be best not to find out. Alliance got rid of their warrants, they ain't got any need for protection anymore.

"So you suddenly have this burning urge to believe the Alliance and do the smart thing. That what you're telling me?" Zoe's tone turned acerbic. "Might want to think some on that combination, sir." It was as close as Zoe had ever come to vocal criticism of him. She usually settled for a rather expressive 'Sir'. "I'll get Simon so he can finish lookin' you over."

River looked up from where she was sitting cross legged in a chair drawing. "Time for me to go see Captain Daddy. Zoe has him softened up nicely."

Jayne was cleaning his guns at the table and Inara was sitting on the other side drinking tea, watching River and Jayne by turns and letting her mind wander.

"You sure you don't want us to come with you?" Jayne asked without looking up from the unnamed pistol he was currently cleaning.

"How do you decide which ones to name?" River asked. She had often wondered just how one of his guns became treasured enough to get a name.

Jayne shook his head at the subject jump. "Depends. Usually I name 'em if they come to me in an interestin' way, or if they are especially useful to savin' my pigu. Vera done both."

"No. He will be optimally influenced by a visit from me alone. Seeing you and Inara together right now, or even seeing either of you alone would agitate him and make this unnecessarily difficult." She didn't want to tell them that she only had a 63.47 percent chance of keeping him from throwing them off the ship as it was and the chance would drop to under 50 percent if Mal saw either Jayne or Inara first. They dropped to under 30 percent if he saw them together.

River caught Zoe outside the infirmary. "Please ask Simon to give me 15 minutes before he enters the infirmary. Entering too soon will have a deleterious effect on persuading the captain to let us stay."

Zoe nodded, not quite sure how the girl knew she was headed to get Simon. "You sure this is the right time?"

River smiled "Left to himself he is more likely brood his way to a bad decision."

Zoe's lips quirked up in the tiniest of smiles then flattened. Girl had that right. "I'll tell him."

Mal watched as the girl slipped into the infirmary and closed the door behind her. He frowned as she casually hopped up on the counter and sat swinging her legs and watching him.

"I thought you might like to meet me now that I'm actually, well, me." River said casually.

Mal was stunned by the complete change in the person in front of him. This was a young woman, not the lost little girl he was much more accustomed to dealing with. Lost little crazy girl at that. His mouth opened and shut a couple of times before he managed to speak. "You seem a might different. Seems like you are some better."

"You are very angry with me," she stated matter-of-factly and intently.

The shift in her intensity began to affect his calm. "I'm not mad at you," he said defensively.

He was undeniably relieved at the way she rolled her eyes at him to let him know he wasn't fooling her. Seemed like there was a little bit of the person he knew still there.

"More than a little, but it is better that you see what the link has given me before you decide." She hopped down and moved to perch on the stool near him. "And yes, you are angry with me. You feel that I am taking things from you."

"And just what do you think I'm decidin' on?" Mal didn't catch that she answered something he hadn't said out loud and weren't in the mood to discuss what he thought she was takin' from him.

"Deciding whether to throw us away or not. Don't like losing control." She paused to hold his gaze. "Feel like the girl has taken away your merc, even though you never liked him, trusted him or admitted how much he protects the crew." Again she waited for her statement to sink in. "Feel that the girl took away your woman, even though you never reached for her and made her your own." Although River wanted Mal to see her as she was now she used her word pacing and phrasing to help keep him in touch with the person he remembered. She didn't want him to lose connection with all that they had been through.

Mal focused on the safest statement to challenge. "Wouldn't think you'd care much for my merc your own self given his past behavior and such."

"Made the girl family. Before the link. Accepted her whole, will never throw her away." She asserted calmly. River had her memories of Beaumond. While she had felt it was best for her and Simon to leave the ship for the crew's sake, she couldn't help but be aware of Mal's role in why they were leaving and the fact that he had known, without a doubt, that they would be picked up by the Alliance. She didn't hold a grudge, after all, he had taken them back at great cost, but she saw no reason to sugar coat her understanding that he was the catalyst to their leaving.

"And you believe him do ya? What with his stellar history and all," Mal snarked, hurt at the poke towards his behavior before Beaumond.

She cocked her head to the side considering him. "Doesn't lie to himself. I know what he knows about this. He has made Inara family as well and acknowledges Serenity as home. You no longer know him any better than you know me. You feel you have lost control when you never had any. Don't even control yourself, instead you seek to control everyone else. Can't accept your own choices so you seek to make the evidence go away. Blame the girl's brain. Blame Jayne taking advantage. Blame Inara's 'whoring'. Blame anything but the fear. Sweep it all up and throw it out. Hide it so it doesn't have to be seen."

River paced each statement so that she spoke just before he could engage his mouth to shout her down, each blow cracked at him mentally, moving him forward until time to push him past his defensiveness.

Mal reeled from what seemed like blow after blow. The hidin' stuff sounded too much like his take on the Alliance for his comfort. He wasn't really even able to get his breath together to get angry or defensive. He desperately wanted to shut her up. He wanted nothing more than to order her gone. 'Take them and go, get the gorram hell off my ship,' were the words he had ready to say, but he knew she was right. It hurt too much for it to be wrong. She had already stated the reason's he would have used and he couldn't bring himself to give that order when the truth of the matter had already been said.

She finally stopped the assault on him and cleared her speaking to complete her point. "You need to see that what has changed gives you more control. That it gives us all more safety. Your merc hasn't been taken away, rather you now have a merc willing to protect your family and home at the cost of his own life."

She stopped and injected humor to soften the assault. "Not without a great deal of grumbling of course."

Mal couldn't help but snort at that. The minute Jayne stopped bitchin', Mal was sure the 'verse was gonna collapse.

"Your woman-that-wasn't-yours is home and willing to commit her heart to your family."

River made a motion towards herself. "One of the greatest liabilities to the safety of your family is becoming whole and able to be an asset instead." She waited again, not long enough for him to get defensive, just long enough to hear her. "All of us together will be necessary to survive what is yet to come. We are all linked in the minds of those that will be angry over Miranda. If you separate us, none will survive."

River wasn't telling him the complete truth. If she, Jayne, Inara and Simon left the ship there was a small chance they would survive. It was doubtful that those left behind would. However, if they stayed on the ship the chance was greater that everyone would survive.

"You sayin' that this ain't all over?" Mal asked, glad to have a distraction from all the thoughts her challenges had brought up in his head. He'd been some worried about that his own self. Just didn't seem likely that, despite all the Operative was doin' for them, The Alliance as a whole was just gonna shake hands and go on their merry.

He got lost in the look, seeing the same darkness and sadness he had seen in a multitude of battle weary soldiers over the years.

"Is anything ever with them?" She asked quietly.

Simon broke the tension that had built up between them when he entered. He looked searchingly at them when their gaze did not break.

"Zoe said I could come back and finish up my tests, but I can come back later." He queried haltingly.

"It's fine doc. We're about done here. Lets get those tests done so I can get out of here." Mal finally broke away from looking at River.

River gave Mal a big grin, once again connecting him to her as a person rather than brutal therapist. He wasn't completely aware of it yet but he would make the right decision. Didn't mean he wouldn't make them all pay in one way or another but he wouldn't break the family. At least not yet.

* * *

A/N: A note about Jayne and Inara's relationship to this point. Hopefully, I've been able to make what is happening plain but I feel it is important enough to state clearly for those who feel Jayne's restraint may be too OOC. Their physical relationship is something of an analogy for their learning how to actually have an emotional relationship. They've both had sex until it's coming out of their ears. (Yea, I saw the pun and while it wasn't intended, it amused me to leave it.) But neither of them has ever, or at best, in long enough to qualify as never, had intimacy that wasn't post-coital.

They haven't realized it consciously yet but it fills a part of them that neither one realized was empty. To them, this intimacy is more like making love than sex ever could be, at least at this stage of their relationship, given both of their ability to compartmentalize sex.

Obviously River is learning about these things somewhat by proxy as an overflow of their emotions and also through observation. An important thing to keep in mind is that while the link includes all three of them, at this point it is River's link so her needs and emotions are going to have a subtle effect on just how far and fast they go and this is giving them time to explore an aspect of having a relationship that they might have skipped.

P.S. There won't be many of these notes, for the most part I feel that if I need a note this long to explain something, I really should rewrite whatever I'm explaining. This was just too important to leave to the vagaries of my current skill level in writing.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Nothing much to say on this one. Mal fought like hell to chase folks off the ship but I managed to control him, just barely.

Let me know what you think, I'm finally beginning to understand the cracklike references to reviews ;P

* * *

Chapter 17

"Cap'n!" Kaylee jumped in startlement when she turned to find Mal leaning against the door jam in the entrance to the engine room. "No one said you were up yet." She chided him gently as she hurried over to hug him.

"How is our girl doin'?" Mal let her hug him. He even let her keep his arm over her shoulder to help him stand. He'd been glad she was in the engine room, the trek back to his bunk had taken more out of him than he'd expected when he made Simon quit fussin'.

"Shiny!" Kaylee glowed. "Almost better then she's been in awhile, I got lots a new goodies for her."

"Cap'n, I been wantin' to tell ya. I'm sorry." Kaylee dropped her eyes in regret. "I shouldn't a let myself get talked into doin' what I did."

Mal tried to give her his angry captain look but couldn't seem to come up with the energy especially not for her. "Are ya ever going to do such again?" He growled.

"No, Cap'n, I won't. I just got so worried and confused and you weren't there." She promised.

"Good, hold out your hand." He ordered and once she had, he slapped her lightly on the wrist. "There, now you been punished. Don't be doin' things like that though, can't have everyone goin' every which way. Goin' against Zoe is the same as goin' against me."

She hugged him tight, "I love my Captain, an I won't."

He steadied himself against her as he pushed away from the door jam. "I conjure sitting might be a smart idea about now. That Doc a yours weren't too far wrong when he said I had some need to rebuild my strength. Just thought bein' so close to the engine room on my way up an all, I'd check on ya."

Kaylee kept his arm over her shoulder to help him on to the dining room.

"Where you reckon everyone is?" Mal asked as he flopped into a chair at the table.

"Jayne, Inara and River are usually in the bay liftin' weights or doin' that dancin' stuff. An you can usually find Zoe on the bridge. She sits up there in Wash's ..." Her voice cracked a little when she mentioned Wash's name. "When she ain't busy."

"Dancin' stuff?" Mal wasn't much interested in talkin' about Wash just yet either.

"Yea, supposed to be some sort of fightin' thing but looks more like dancin' to me." Kaylee shrugged, "You hungry?"

"I am at that. More of that soup Zoe brought me would be good." Mal tried to picture Inara lifting weights or Jayne doin' martial arts forms. "You mean to tell me Inara is liftin' weights? And Jayne is doin' martial arts forms?"

"Thats right, thats what River called them." Kaylee giggled, "I think Inara and River is doin' better at liftin' weights than Jayne is at the dancin'. He looks kinda like a bear clumpin' around out there. A pretty angry one at that, makes him awful mad."

Mal laughed at the picture, that sounded like Jayne. Man surely didn't take to learning new things. There was a little bit of relief that at least something was still the same.

Kaylee brought two bowls of soup and a bag of crackers and they both settled into eating and chatting.

* * *

Jayne almost ran into Inara when she stopped in the hallway to the kitchen. "Gorram it woman! Why you always stoppin' in doorways?" His growl faded when he saw Mal sitting in the dining room.

Inara's hands automatically checked her hair. She smirked at herself. They had been lifting weights when they decided to take a lunch break and her hair was in a ponytail, her make-up free face flushed with exertion and her clothes plastered to her with sweat. Somehow she had eased into not worrying about how she looked around the rest of the crew but her old habits came back strong when she saw Mal.

At first she was angry with herself for caring then she realized that her feelings had less to do with Mal himself than with the fact that at the moment she didn't really perceive him as family and her discomfort was at having an outsider see her looking less than perfect. She would have almost felt more comfortable naked than sweaty and disheveled. She giggled to herself or all three, though not so much for Mal. She came back to herself when Jayne squeezed her shoulder, then pushed passed her to enter the room. River nodded at her encouragingly as she ghosted by.

"Mal." Jayne grunted on his way through to the galley. He wasn't too sure what was going on with Inara but figured it had to do with Mal. Hell, he wasn't all that interested in sitting down to eat with the man either but they'd all have to get over it some time.

Mal looked up from his food at Jayne but continued eating without speaking. Then he saw River. His hand stopped with a cracker half-way to his mouth. She was dressed like a more girly version of Jayne with cargo pants, bright orange t-shirt and combat boots. That was a bit creepifying. He shook it off as they brought food out from the galley, noting that Jayne had brought a second bowl.

He crushed the cracker when he saw Inara. Her white button up shirt hung open over a cream t-shirt that was liberally soaked with sweat and she was wearing a pair of work pants, very high quality and nice looking pants but work pants non-the-less, bloused into combat boots. Her hair was in a ponytail but tendrils had worked loose and were plastered to her face with sweat. She wasn't even wearing make-up.

His mouth opened and closed before he got a hold of himself and tore his eyes away from her and went back to eating.

"Good to see you up, Mal, how are you feeling?" Inara had composed herself and was able to maintain a calm expression on her face in spite of the gaping look Mal had given her. She seated herself next to River. The three of them had talked about it and decided that for the time being it would be best if they didn't all sit together at meals so Jayne was further down the table. It would be fine for the women to sit together but they were too likely to touch Jayne and vice versa if he sat next to them. River had noted that they were becoming more comfortable with each other physically and needed to be more circumspect around the crew for the time being. They wouldn't hide it but on occasions such as meals they would make an effort.

"Besides bein' a might lost at what the hell has happened to my crew, I expect I'm doin' fine." He growled. "Hear tell you been lifting weights and such, you gettin' back in shape for the whorin'?"

Inara was startled by the question. Somehow over the last couple of weeks she had become so comfortable with the idea that she was no longer a Companion that she had forgotten Mal was just beginning to get caught up. Although she was fairly certain she had mentioned not going back to being a Companion. She didn't register his use of 'whorin' at all.

"Actually, I find that I am unable to do that any longer. I had hoped I would be able to stay on as crew. In coming back on board ship I felt like I was coming home to my family." She stated honestly.

"Thats a right nice sentiment. But family or not we all have to pull our weight. What was it you thought you might do? Besides servicing my merc, that is, seein' as how that don't really do much for the rest of us." Mal leaned back, finally enjoying an opportunity to vent his frustrations on someone.

Kaylee looked up her mouth hanging open. She hadn't seen that coming. "Now, Cap'n, that ain't right..." she started to defend Inara.

Jayne had stopped moving food to his mouth. He watched Inara, his brow knitted in concern as he tried to determine if she wanted him to thump Mal yet.

"It's all right, Kaylee." Inara patted Kaylee's hand. Then turned to Mal. She had pretty much expected Mal to go this route in some way and wasn't phased by the statement.

"I have been doing the cooking, so that is the first thing. I also thought that I might be of assistance in getting cargoes through contacts I made as a Companion."

"I'm thinkin' that both her and River could be useful at helpin' with the piloting." Zoe's voice came from behind Mal as she entered the room. She had been standing in the passageway from the bridge listening to see how Mal was goin' to handle things.

Mal frowned. He was disappointed that Inara hadn't even flinched at either of his attempts to piss her off. Now it looked like Zoe was goin' to jump in and help Inara.

"Flyin' a shuttle ain't near the same thing, Zoe, you know that." Mal argued.

"She's broke atmo and set course in the black for rendezvous, ain't sayin' she doesn't have things to learn, just that most of it'll transfer." Zoe answered calmly as she grabbed food from the galley.

Frustrated by Inara ignoring his snarks and Zoe takin' over the discussion, Mal turned his attention to the person most likely to be knocked out of his calm.

"I hear you been rumblin' around my cargo bay trying to be a dancin' bear, Jayne. You got a job offer from a circus I should know about?" He smiled in anticipation as Jayne raised his head with an angry glare in his eyes.

Kaylee glared at the captain, distressed at having her words turned on Jayne in such a manner.

It was River's turn to deflect Mal's attack. "Jayne is doing very well. He has only been learning for a couple of days and he is learning very fast."

Gorram it, couldn't any a his crew answer for themselves. Every time he got started good, someone kept jumpin' in and smoothin' things out.

Mal moved his attention to River. "What was that about you knowin' how to pilot and how come I don't know about that? Thats something I should know about, bein' captain and all."

"Hasn't been much of a chance to tell you, sir." Zoe answered.

River nodded, smiling at Mal. "Now that I am better, I can remember more of what I was taught. And being stable means I can actually use it as well."

"Well, now, you'll have to be fillin' me in on all your skills and such then." Mal asserted.

River shrugged, "That is the primary skill with any relevance."

She wasn't sure about telling him everything she could do, it would open the door to questions about what she had done and what had been done to her. Now that she was finally sane after so long, River was having difficulty determining her feelings about Mal. Her psychological training combined with her reading ability made it simple to manipulate him, but that wasn't the optimal plan for dealing with him long term. This had been a family and she really just wanted everything to fit back into that structure.

He had been her protector on the ship and she had come to trust and like him while she was relatively helpless; however, dealing with him now that she was a rational person was a completely different set of equations. Unlike most people, his intent in any given situation could change mercurially. At any time, what he knew about people, with the possible exceptions of Kaylee and Zoe, could be turned into a weapon without notice. Despite their previous conversation, he still saw her as the broken little girl from before and she couldn't accurately read how he would treat her once he saw her as a whole person. She didn't think she could provide him with information that could become a weapon to be used against her any time he was angry.

"I conjure that relevance is my decision as captain of this ship." Mal stated coldly. He was inclined to mention his captaincy regardless of the situation, but given how many things had drifted out of his control, regaining that control and authority was a definite priority.

"I will provide a resume but it may be incomplete." River stated, needing time to decide exactly what to include. Her tension was increasing as her unfamiliar confusion increased. In the Academy, she always knew what she was supposed to do and by contrast what she wanted to do. Now, though, there was no clarity of right and wrong or even preferable.

It was a judgment call and no number or equation could help her make the call. Even though she had used her abilities to drive the conversation with him that morning, she'd had a predefined goal and starting point. Right now his emotions and thoughts were too complex to manipulate easily, besides she wanted it to be honest, not her manipulations or there was no point in them being here.

"Incomplete isn't what I'm askin' for. And just so we're clear, that would be an order, not a request." Mal was finally feeling at home. He was the captain, his orders would be followed come hell or high water.

As River's tension grew, so did Inara and Jayne's. Inara was able to control the stress somewhat using various techniques and maintain her calm, which in turn helped River.

Jayne, on the other hand, had had enough. "Gorram it, Mal leave her be, you ain't got no idea what you're askin' her to deal with."

Inara jumped into the conversation as Mal turned his glare to Jayne. "Mal, River's list will be incomplete because she simply doesn't know everything that has been put into her mind."

"If you know so much about it mayhap we should all hear!" Mal yelled still glaring at Jayne.

Simon had been watching his sister as she became more and more agitated. While he desperately wanted to know what had been done to her, this was neither the venue nor the manner in which she should have to tell.

"Captain, perhaps if you would care to tell us about Serenity Valley, it would put us in the correct frame of mind for River's story." Simon inquired as he became, once again his sister's protector.

River's hand darted out to grab Inara's in a white knuckled grip.

Mal's anger became nearly tangible as he spit mandarin curses at Simon. "What do you think you're playin' at, Doc?" He snarled, standing and dropping his hand to his hip, reaching for the gun that he wasn't wearing.

Even Zoe looked momentarily shocked, then realized that Simon was making a point. Too bad Mal was too furious to catch a hint that didn't include a fist in the teeth.

"How many times have you died, Mal." Inara asked calmly.

"What in the ruttin' 'verse does that have to do with anything?" Mal looked around the table. , wondering if his whole gorram crew had gone mad.

"How many times?" Inara insisted.

"You know gorram well, once, on Niska's skyplex." He spat at her. Not sure why he had answered.

"River has you beat by over 40 deaths, Mal." Inara stated flatly, her face expressionless. Ignoring Simon's startled gasp, she stood and pulled on River's hand drawing her to her feet. "She said she would make you a list. You'll have it by end of day."

Mal stood gaping as she stalked past leading a shaken River out of the room. "What the gorram hell? I ain't done talkin' yet!"

Simon jumped to his feet and followed his sister.

Kaylee gave Mal a final glare through watery eyes. "Ain't right, whatever it is you're doin' Cap'n. Gonna run folks off is what you're gonna do." She sniffed, "Reckon I best go see to my girl." She grabbed up her bowl and without thought grabbed Simon's also.

Jayne glared at Mal for a moment longer then collected Inara and River's dishes and took them to the galley. He chuckled to himself, Jayne was by no means a fan of Simon's, but damned if you could call him a coward.

When it became obvious no one was going to answer whether he was done talking or not Mal slumped back into his chair.

Mal watched Jayne stomp into the galley. "You know about that?" He asked Zoe.

"Some," she answered in a tired voice. "Seems they hooked straight in to her brain then put her through situations that killed her when she wouldn't kill folk for em." She looked into the distance. "Didn't know it was that many times."

"Any particular reason you didn't get around to sharin' it with me? Could a been useful knowing." He asked, angry that something she knew but hadn't told him had led him to looking like the bad guy. Furious that someone could do that to a child. He wasn't bein' mean, he'd simply felt that with all that had happened knowin' more about what the girl went through was better than less since it always seemed to bite him in the pigu.

"Didn't think it mattered, sir. Last time we spoke, seemed like you were set against them staying." She stood to go before he could work himself up to start a fight with her.

"Thought you knew better than to hold something like that back." Mal commented coldly.

'Too late,' she thought as she looked him in the eyes. Much as she cared for the man he had used up her patience. "I'll be on the bridge, Sir." It was either leave or beat on him awhile and she couldn't do that where anyone else might see.

'Ai Ya, that woman could put a spin on the word 'sir',' Mal thought. Now that Mal put his mind to it, he realized he hadn't given her much of a chance to tell everything all neat and pretty. He was goin' to have to fix things with her. Mal heard Jayne finish with the dishes and come stompin' back out of the galley. He needed to clarify some things with Jayne, couldn't have him thinkin' he could challenge authority like he had.

"Jayne, I think you and me might need a word. Sit." Mal pointed to the other end of the table. He held Jayne's eyes while he glared for a minute then stomped back to the end of the table and sat.

Putting on his fake friendly smile Mal spoke sarcastically, "I guess you think you've hit the jackpot these days."

Jayne lost some of the anger he had been holding back in his complete confusion at the statement. "What in the hell are you talkin' on Mal?"

"This link ... thingy ... whatever, leaves you sittin' pretty with womenfolk, I reckon." Mal's voice turned more caustic. "Thought maybe I should clarify a few things for you."

Jayne's eyebrows came together as his eyes narrowed. "Ain't much for you to clarify. None of your business."

"Well, I understand I haven't been around much, and I know you ain't much for thinkin'. So it could be a reminder is in order. I'm the captain of this here ship and everything that happens on Serenity is my business." Mal was pleased with himself. A nice clear, even friendly reminder. After all he wasn't really trying to start another fight.

Jayne snorted, "Hell, Mal even if I was as crazy as River used to be I'd remember you was captain, way ya remind everyone all the time."

"Good, I'm glad we're clear on that seein' as how you seemed to think you could challenge me a little while ago." Mal was starting to enjoy himself now. Chewin' on Jayne was good for his soul.

"Wasn't challengin' the captain." Jayne replied calmly.

Mal smiled at that. "I see. Who'd you conjure you were challengin' then?"

Jayne looked at Mal, trying to figure if there was any way this whole thing could go good. He'd do his best to keep his calm but he knew the mood Mal was in and that he was just barely getting warmed up.

"I was challenging a man fixin' to hurt one of mine."

"One of your what, Jayne?" Mal asked. "Cuz the only womenfolk thats ever been one a yours was a ..."

"STOP!" Jayne stood up and leaned forward, his knuckles white where he gripped the edge of the table. "If you finish that sentence, I will stomp a puddle in you!"

Mal's eyes narrowed. He hadn't expected Jayne to go that far that fast but he couldn't let the insubordination go. "There you go with the challenging again."

"Ain't a challenge. I'm tellin' you what'll happen if you do some things. If you _ever_ call or suggest that either of those women is a whore, I will kill you. Now, before you remind me you're the captain again and go on about how I best behave. I'll do a little clarifyin' of my own." Jayne let his coldest and most frigid killer expression take his face over. "You ain't got the right. You ain't got the right to go pretendin' you give a gorram about River. You pushed that boy 'til he didn't have a choice but to leave. You know damn well he was scared for his sister and if you'd given him the least room to breathe he'd a never left. And you knew Alliance or possibly worse would get them as soon as you left 'im on Beaumond. You sat there just now and twice called Inara a whore when you know damn well she ain't never been what you mean when you say the word. So don't come all protective, sayin' I gotta do this or that with them when you just sat there doin' your best to cause them pain. You ain't got the right. You're the captain, you got a right to give orders about the ship and jobs and stuff. What happens in my family ain't none a your ruttin' business. Dong ma?

Mal froze. He'd never seen this side of Jayne. Mal had faced Jayne down a time or two and thought he had a measure of the man. This was not that man. He was staring cold death in the face and neither yelling nor threats would have any effect, least ways not any good effect. Mal wasn't sure how to get out of this alive without caving, but he couldn't afford to back down.

If he'd a been armed or had Zoe to back him, or both preferably, he'd have gotten in Jayne's face without a thought, though truthfully, it was probably just as well he wasn't in that position. Be liable to get someone killed. Probably himself at the least, possibly even Zoe, as landin' a killing shot before Jayne did for them both didn't seem likely in this situation. The man could take enough damage for any three people and still keep comin'.

The merc might actually care about Inara and River. Mal hadn't believed that Jayne was even capable of seeing beyond himself, let alone having feelings. He hadn't realized how much Jayne had taken in of what was going on around him either, come to that.

Jayne read the anger mixed with indecision on Mal's face and decided that he should back off a little. He knew River and Inara didn't want to leave the ship and if he pushed too hard Mal wouldn't have a choice but to throw him out, which would mean they all had to go. If it'd been only about him leavin' he'd have never been able to back off, but it wasn't. Was about his women too and he weren't about to make them pay because he didn't know when to shut up.

Jayne relaxed his expression slightly and eased back. "Reckon I can understand as I've never given you cause to think I might care about someone. But ain't no third chances on this."

Mal took a breath. Seemed like he might should head on to his bunk before he got himself killed today. Weren't no one on the ship acting like themselves. Usually he could provoke a little screamin' match and then folks would back down and he could go on his merry, feelin' better. He didn't really want to chase folks off the ship, or worse yet die. Didn't seem like anyone was up for letting him yell. And he really didn't like what Jayne had pointed out about Beaumond, that had been eating at him more than a little since River had danced around the subject.

Appeared Jayne had grown up a touch. He knew from the little he had seen of Inara and Jayne together before he went unconscious, that whatever had or hadn't happened so far, would happen eventually. He didn't know if he could take seein' much of that.

The part of him that had been in charge so far, today, wanted them all gone so he wouldn't have to deal with any of it. Like River had said earlier about throwin' it away so he didn't have to see. But deep down he didn't want any of them gone. Even Jayne, though that thought surprised him nearly as much as anything else that'd happened today.

"No, you ain't. Seems like River ain't the only one I'm needin' to get reacquainted with. Reckon I can let it go this time, seein' as how havin' a man's family poked at can make him a might tetchy." That was about as far as Mal was capable of easing off or apologizing.

He'd call them Jayne's family but it didn't mean he really believed it yet. But for now, he'd do whatever it took to survive this little mess his charming personality had stirred up.

"We good?" Jayne asked relaxing his grip on the table and straightening up.

"I expect so, just don't make a habit of it." Mal said, needing to reassert his authority.

Jayne started for the door then turned back, "And, Mal, just cause I ain't ever cared what went on around me other n for amusement, don't mean I'm as blind or as stupid as you all tend to think." With that last caution, Jayne headed out to check on his women.

Mal sat pondering his morning. That last statement of Jayne's had been down right creepifying, what with it bein' exactly what Mal had been thinking, and all. He'd always thought Jayne had survived all those years as a merc by just bein' meaner than most.

Made sense that he'd see pretty much everything. If he was used to watchin' for folks to stab him in the back, it would be a survival trait. Mal began to see Jayne and Book's relationship in a new light too.

He'd a thought that maybe a big chunk of the stupid things the merc had done over the years had more to do with him doin' same as he always did on other ships and not realizing that trust was possible on this one. Not that he was a prize thinker or scholar, just not nearly as clueless as he seemed.

* * *

"She doin' ok?" Jayne asked Simon as he passed him on the catwalk.

"She fell asleep but she seems to be doing fine." Simon answered, then reached out to touch Jayne's arm as he continued past. "Jayne ... I need to know what Inara meant. They wouldn't tell me."

Jayne stopped without turning back, "You don't want to go down that road, Doc. Ain't nothin' there you can do anything about. Ain't nothin' there that'll help you to understand or know what to do."

Simon let his hand drop from Jayne's arm and looked out over the cargo bay. "I know, I just ... It's part of why I run all of those tests, you know. I do it for her health of course, but part of it is just that I need to know what happened to my baby sister. I'm not sure if she realizes I know but I am quite aware that she plays the 'old River' for my benefit. I let her because I don't know what else to do and ... I suppose because it comforts me. She does that less now, but I can see her sort of put it on when I come around."

Jayne finally turned to Simon, his brow furrowed with frustration at yet more need to be talkin'. For the first time he thought about all Simon had been through. Thinking about how it must feel to lose a sister, get her back, and not know her anymore. Not understand anything about her.

He offered what comfort he could. "She's still got a spark of that playful I've heard you talk about, she ain't puttin' that on. But for the rest, she's only about three weeks old. Don't think she knows her ownself just who she is. Sometimes, like back there, you can see her figurin' out who she wants to be, like she's at a fork in the road or somethin'. I'm pretty sure she could a just pulled the right answers out of Mal's brain if she'd wanted to be a person that makes folks do what she wants.

Jayne looked Simon in the eye. "If you mean to do somethin' for her, then let her know that whoever she turns out to be is just fine. Let the rest go, who she was at the academy and as a kid both."

Simon searched Jayne's face. He thought he may have just gotten the most useful piece of advice he had ever gotten about dealing with River, and from Jayne of all people.

"Thank you, Jayne. That sounds like an excellent suggestion." With a last look of wonder at the merc's face, Simon continued on his way. He didn't know how well he could follow the merc's advice but he would try and let the River of his childhood remain a fond memory rather than trying to resurrect her.

Jayne growled and shook his head at the odd looks Simon had given him. Made him a might uncomfortable, like maybe Simon was thinkin' better of Jayne than he should. He kinda missed back when he was ignorin' or at most laughin' at everyone and their go se. At the rate he was goin' he'd have to start chargin' folks for advice, and hugs too. Got damn tirin' havin' to stop and explain things to folks every time they got their panties in a twist. He missed just growling at them or thumpin' em one or shootin' em in Mal's case. Really ate up a man's day too.

As he entered the shuttle, Jayne was nearly bowled over by a bundle of happy River, his hands automatically wrapping around to support her bottom as she landed against his chest and threw her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. "What the..." he started when he was interrupted by a warm kiss.

"Thank you!" River said into his ear while hugging him tightly.

"...OK... Um ... sure" Jayne's eyes flew to Inara hoping for a little help. This was not how he had expected to be greeted. Not that he was unhappy with the greeting, mind, he'd just thought things would be a little more tense.

Inara burst into an unrestrained laugh at the girl's obvious happiness and the utterly bewildered look on Jayne's face. "I have no idea. After Simon finally left, she pretended to fall asleep so he would go, she was telling me how well you had done with Mal, then she got this positively brilliant smile on her face and said something about Simon." She shrugged, "That's when you came in." Inara approached them, drawn to the warm glow of River's pleasure.

Jayne let go of River with one arm and pulled Inara into the embrace. Her arms went around both of them.

"So what other heroics did you perform other than handling our dear captain so well?" Inara leaned her head back to look up at his face.

"Uh, I ... not sure. Just talked ta Three Percent for a minute. He was all streaky about wantin' to know what happened to River." His face was flushed partly with pleasure at the obvious approval but also embarrassed at the unaccustomed praise, and not really sure what he'd done right other than not kill Mal, if that counted.

River unwrapped her legs from around Jayne and slid down his body. She was shaken slightly by the unexpected reaction her body had to the friction. She had never been shy about touching Jayne, he was just so big and his presence so comforting that she took advantage of touching him any time she wanted comfort. This was the first time, though, that her body had responded in this way. She pressed a hand to her belly wonderingly for a brief moment, then quickly wrapped her arms around the two.

"If you mean to do somethin' for her, then let her know that whoever she turns out to be is just fine. Let the rest go, who she was at the academy and as a kid both." River said in a surprisingly accurate imitation of Jayne's voice.

She shook her head at him, "You don't understand. Simon listened and he is the most comforted he has ever been about me. He could never hear me when I tried to say this to him."

River pushed up on to her tiptoes to kiss Jayne's chin, noting again her body's flush of approval at the contact. She paused, examining the feeling and was caught by surprise when Jayne bent his head down and kissed her lips. It started as the same type of kiss they had shared that morning, until River tilted her head and began to kiss him back.

Jayne's eyebrow tweaked up at the unexpected change but he rose to the occasion, pulling her more firmly against him and letting his lips respond to hers. Her tongue flicked out to touch his lips experimentally but retreated before he had opened them. She pulled back and let herself relax back to her feet. For all that she had been taught about sex at the academy this emotional/physical response was new. It had a natural feel that she hadn't experienced before.

Jayne watched River as she seemed to withdraw. He could tell she wasn't pullin' away as much as just thinkin'. Her arm was still wrapped tightly around him.

Inara was ecstatic for River. She understood that the young woman was healing and was proud of her for setting a pace she felt comfortable with. She leaned in to kiss River on the forehead and was startled when River pulled back to look at her.

River considered Inara. She didn't have as much physical contact in general with her as she did with Jayne. There wasn't a particular reason why, since Inara was quite caring. Jayne was just a big teddy bear to snuggle into while Inara was more her same size. She also supposed, that the time he had spent holding her after nightmares had set him in her mind as the person she went to for physical comfort.

Initially, Inara had felt a twinge of dismay when River pulled away, but after watching her a short time she understood that River was still processing her contact with Jayne, so she didn't allow herself to feel hurt.

Not really understanding what was happening, Jayne watched both of the women carefully. When River pulled away from Inara, he saw the flicker of concern cross Inara's face and began to rub calming circles on her back.

Partly out of curiosity and partly to apologize for pulling away, River leaned in and kissed Inara on the lips much the same way she had kissed Jayne a moment before. The complete difference in the feel entranced her. She studied her body's different response. It didn't respond as quickly to the simple contact nor as strongly, although it did respond. The thing that was the most noticeable was that the attraction was less visceral and seemed more related to the very strong affection she had for Inara. River leaned back and smiled shyly at her.

Inara grinned back at her and the two women convulsively hugged each other and Jayne with little giggles.

"Hey now wait just a gorram minute," Jayne whined, "seems to me someone got a little cheated here." He smirked as he bent down to capture Inara's lips with his own.

River smiled as she enjoyed the feelings and sensations that watching their somewhat more heated exchange brought about in herself. Finally, though, she hip checked them both gently to get their attention.

They blushed and gave her sheepish looks at having gotten so caught up in each other. "Sorry," Jayne muttered, although he didn't really sound very sorry.

River grinned an 'its ok' at them. "We should go continue our afternoon training. We can play kissy face later."

Inara and Jayne gave each other quick grins, happy that River had included herself in the kissing.

Jayne's expression became more serious. "I reckon we should talk about a few things first."

He turned them towards the couch and the women sat down, leaving space for him in the center, each with one leg tucked under and waited to drape the other across one of Jayne's legs after he sat.

"Inara, I'm wantin' to mount a couple of holsters for guns up at the head of the bed there. I'll hang em down out of sight but I think we need them to hand." He started off.

Inara nodded immediately, "Perhaps for the time being you could put a knife of some sort up there for me as well. At least until I get more comfortable with a gun."

"Good," Jayne turned to River, "We'll go by my bunk and decide which of my girls you might want up here. We can swap it out later if you buy one of your own, but I've got more'n enough for all of us. Until you're needin' a specific kind or just need one that fits better, anyway."

He glanced back and forth between them at the dumbfounded look they were giving him and each other. "What?" Then he realized what they were thinking. He snorted with amusement. "Oh, it ain't like I'm offering Vera or the main ones I use, just I've picked up a lot of guns here and there, ain't goin' to miss a couple."

River was well aware, that although Jayne was offering weapons that were less prized than his personal ones, it was a huge statement of how he thought of her and Inara that he was willing to share.

"Thank you," River said reverently and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"Ain't nothin'." He growled. Turning back to Inara he asked, "You got a knife already?" He ran through his inventory in his mind. "You can have one of mine if need be, but I ain't got as much to choose from there."

"If you have one that will fit my hand, that will be fine temporarily. Once we stop at the training house for my things, I will have several to select between." Inara said, after thinking it through. "That reminds me, there are a few things around the shuttle I should show you both. And again once I can get my things there will be more. I haven't tried to replace everything I had gotten used to keeping around."

At their questioning looks she explained. "Knock-out drops, poison and some special incense right now. Other things later."

"Shiny!" Jayne exclaimed. He hadn't realized how secure Inara had been while in the shuttle with her clients. "You can come with River to look over my girls for your first gun, less'n you got one of those tucked away at the training house too."

Jayne looked at them a little sheepishly, this next part he wanted to make sure he didn't hurt their feelings. "I been thinkin'," he waited for the snort that most people usually gave when he said that, then relaxed when they only waited patiently for him to continue. "I think its best if I ain't sleepin' in the middle." He hurried to explain when he saw them frown, "Ain't like you're thinkin'. I just mean that if I need to get at my gun in a hurry, I'll be humped if'n I got a pretty girl asleep on each arm. Otherwise, ain't nothin' I'd like better to keep sleepin' that way."

Although both women were still frowning, they nodded. "Which side would you prefer?" Inara asked.

"I reckon the side towards the door would be best." Jayne pointed.

At first Inara didn't understand. The side of the bed Jayne had indicated meant that his right arm would still most likely be trapped. She looked at River and on seeing the glitter of tears in her eyes, she understood. Although Jayne was talking about being able to reach a weapon, his primary interest was in having his body between them and any harm that might come though the door. He figured he could take damage that might kill them outright leaving them with a better chance of survival.

After exchanging agreeing nods with River, Inara said, simply, "Of course." They both leaned in, wrapped their arms around him and placed almost identical loving kisses on the corners of his jaw, then tucked their faces into his neck to snuggle.

Jayne let go an enormous sigh of relief at their acceptance. He'd been worried that they'd either not see the reason, or worse yet, would see and fight him over it. He pulled them in tightly and the three sat just holding each other.

After giving them time to sniffle a bit, Jayne relaxed his grip and brought up the last thing he thought they needed to deal with.

"I ain't sure how much you two have thought on it, but seems to me there's somethin' that needs to be said." He looked at them, one then the other. "We sure we want to be stayin' on Serenity? Ain't sayin' we should go, but ... If we stay, I ain't sure I'll be able to keep from havin' to kill Mal. If he'd been armed today, he'd be dead."


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: This one came together more quickly than I expected. I am pretty excited about it as a whole as there are some very interesting discussions. Hopefully it isn't a sleep deprived delusion as my muse was insistant on getting it all out lol.

Sensuality is up a notch but only in couple of paragraphs that are mildly graphic.

I doubt it is an issue but the discussions re: morality in this are between characters and aren't intended to set any examples yada yada.

I think it is fairly obvious but there is a section where _italicized _phrases are used to depict Mal translating Zoe's 'sir' and face/body language.

* * *

Chapter 18

Zoe turned and raised a questioning eyebrow when Inara glided into the bridge.

"Zoe," Inara greeted her with a smile.

"Inara, missed you at dinner." Zoe commented as she turned back to the front.

Inara slid into the co-pilot's seat chuckling wryly, "Yes, we thought that maybe staying out of the way for a little while would be smart.

Inara looked her friend over. "You seem ... better today. How are you doing?"

Initally Zoe started to say 'fine', however Jayne's words about letting people help came back to her. "I expect 'better' is as good a word as any. Seems too strong a word I'd say. I'm feelin' less likely to shatter any given moment." She looked back out the screen and sat in silence for awhile then took a deep shaky breath. "Though there's many a time when I can't seem to breath." She took a couple of more deep breaths, letting the air out slowly. "Jayne gave me a boost over a rough spot the other day."

"Jayne did?" Inara shook her head. The man kept surprising her. She thought back on the conversation they' had that afternoon.

Over the weeks since Miranda she had nearly forgotten the side of Jayne she had previously encountered. To say she had known him then would be overstating their relationship drastically. The hard core mercenary killer with no mercy had seemed to fade from her mind. When Jayne spoke of killing Mal and possibly Zoe with no more emotion than he would have discussed taking out the trash, it had all come rushing back. The softness she had discovered in seeing him with herself and River was a new facet, but it was just a facet of the man. She supposed that she had naively thought it would soften what he had shown himself to be before.

Inara blinked as she realized Zoe was speaking again.

"...told me how he ended up in the black," Zoe was saying. "I've known that man for near on two years and never even wondered what kind of family he came from."

"He told you about Sara and Nettie?" Inara asked in surprise.

"Nettie. That the name of the child? Some reason I thought it was a boy." Zoe's brow furrowed as she remembered the conversation.

"Oh," Inara hoped she wasn't violating Jayne's trust by explaining, "Yes, his child was a boy. Nettie was his best friend and younger sister. She died the same year as Sara of damp lung. The same thing his brother Mattie has."

Zoe shook her head. She thought she understood why Jayne hadn't mentioned the sister. It would have been too much like one-upping her grief. And here she'd thought he was makin' it worse than it was in order to get her to listen.

"Oddly enough, him tellin' me it was supposed to hurt and would hurt a good long while, made me feel better, helped me let some out." Zoe chuckled a little harshly at that juxtaposition. "Folks tellin' me it would go away and get better just made me hold on to it harder. Like I was afraid I'd lose it too and wouldn't have anythin' left of him." She chuckled again a little more freely, "Course it could be that he said if I didn't let it out I'd turn out like him."

Inara laughed with her friend at how much of a threat that would seem. "How long did he say it would hurt?"

"Twenty years and counting." Zoe's lips quirked into a slight smile. "Though he did mention it was healing faster now days." She looked at Inara appraisingly. "Reckon that has somethin' to do with you?"

Inara blushed slightly, "River and I both perhaps. Although, I have to say, he did the work." She shook her head and smiled in fond remembrance. "He would stand outside our bunks or stop himself from coming to help us and you could almost see him arguing with himself over whether or not he was going to come, like he knew he was deciding whether or not to let us into his heart rather than just comforting someone. He always chose to do so, though, and for that I am eternally grateful." She looked up at Zoe, "I really think that even though the link comes from River, it was his choices then that allowed it to happen.

Inara sighed and brought herself back to the present. She, River and Jayne had spent much of the afternoon discussing their predicament without reaching a solution. After spending time in the cargo bay doing Kenshikai forms, they had mostly kept to the shuttle except for Inara slipping out to cook dinner. Deciding that out of sight, out of mind was the smart path, Inara brought dinner back to the shuttle for the three of them. Thankfully Mal had not demanded everyone's attendance at dinner.

"We have a problem." Inara began.

Zoe nearly laughed at that understatement.

"We need to know if you think we should leave Serenity." Inara jumped right into the middle of the issue. "Jayne says that the only reason Mal is alive at the moment is that he wasn't armed when he tried to corner Jayne about how he was supposed to behave with us."

"Mal cornered him after lunch broke up?" Zoe had forgotten Jayne was still in the galley when she left Mal.

Inara nodded, "Started in on him about his confrontation, when Mal was questioning River, and then tried to move into what his behavior with us was going to be. Obviously not a subject Jayne could accede control to Mal on. According to River the only reason things ended as well as they did was because Mal was unarmed and Jayne backed off and gave him a little room to huff and puff without backing down. Jayne and River are both convinced that if Mal had been armed he would have drawn a weapon to make his point."

Zoe sighed. She wasn't sure what she could say or do. Mal wasn't exactly listening to her and truth was she'd still back him if push came to shove. "I can't help but wonder why you ain't just goin'. Seems like Simon would go with you and there ain't much the four of you couldn't handle. Least ways if Simon and Jayne manage to not kill each other off. If Simon went, could be even Kaylee'd go." Despite the fact she didn't really want them gone, it didn't seem that Mal was leaving them much choice.

"At the moment Jayne and Simon hurting each other is less likely than it would have been not long ago." Inara gave Zoe a tight grin at the slight humor. "Simon and Kaylee are a bit stuck at the moment and we wouldn't want to make him have to choose as there is little doubt what his choice would be regardless of what he would lose."

Inara took a moment to order her thoughts. "That does bring us to the crux of our problem. Besides the fact that we love it on this ship and would miss you all very much, even Mal; River is convinced that the ship will be targeted because of Miranda as well as those that will still be hunting her. She doesn't think that us leaving would reduce the danger but rather increase the vulnerability of those here. Jayne, perhaps, feels it a little less, but there is something about Serenity that feels like home to all of us. As for staying he expressed his concern that he would have to kill Mal. I got the impression that he was less concerned about that than the probability that by extension, he would have to hurt or kill you." Inara shivered as she was taken again by Jayne's casual discussion of killing them though he had seemed a little glum at the idea of killing Zoe.

Zoe caught Inara's shiver and gave her a questioning look.

"I ... Jayne's softness to River and I over the last few weeks caused me to ... 'forget' seems like the wrong word but I stopped considering how casual killing is for him. Some how ... its just ..." Inara growled at her inability to state how conflicted she felt.

"You don't understand how he can kill someone he knows so easily and still be able to love someone." Zoe did understand, she wasn't sure Jayne loved them but they seemed headed that way. Inara's acceptance of the word confirmed that idea. Wash'd had some of the same problem with her. Even remembering those tense discussions brought her comfort. She wasn't much more for talkin' things out than Jayne but looking back she saw that it might've been a comfort to Wash if he'd had someone else besides her to explain.

At Inara's relieved nod she began to explain. "I ain't sure I'd have admitted it before but I'd guess Jayne and I are more alike than not in that area. Reckon he'd shade things different but we're close. Thats one reason I ain't ever been comfortable with him on the ship. I expect its the same reason he's always steered pretty clear of me. Knew I'd shoot him and never mind feelin' any sort of bad for it.

Zoe decided to try the explanation that had finally seemed to work best for Wash. "Thing is, you look at killing as right or wrong. Bad guys or good guys. Jayne and me, even Mal though he gets all twisty about some of this and ain't as clear cut, we tend to see it as my side and the other side. Thats all.

"There's folks that we ain't gonna touch and non-combatants and such that are more hazy, but the folks that pick up a gun, if they ain't on your side, are on the other. And by pickin' up that gun, whether for yourself or to send someone to use it on your behalf, as a way a life, you accept that things often play out usin' said gun. In a cockeyed way, choosin' it absolves someone who kills you of any guilt. Lookin' at it any other way is foolin' yourself, to my mind.

Inara was frowning at the odd concept.

"The morals are answered long before the shootin' ever starts. Thats why Mal usually tries to pick jobs that are either just movin' regular stuff or that pick at the Alliance, even if in a sideways manner. Ain't that he wants to keep pickin' at em, though, there is that, it keeps the morals straight in his head. Lets him pretend there's a right side to what we do.

Zoe looked to see how Inara was taking the explanation. "Thats why sometimes jobs change in the middle, like Niska. Mal thought we was stealin' from the Alliance rather than sick folk. Person could argue the morals but bottom line is the most moral thing you can do is protect your family, your side. While Jayne has been with us I ain't never seen him shoot anyone or even ask to shoot anyone that bothered my morals, though he has bothered Mal more than once. Mal is bad for leavin' folks behind him that may want to come back at us.

Zoe chuckled, "Man got right pissed when Mal wouldn't let him shoot Patience that last time."

She wasn't used to speachifyin' things outright like this except to Wash and once in awhile Mal, though that was usually about business. She knew Wash would be smiling proudly at her if he could see her helpin' Inara though and that made her keep trying. Zoe blinked back a few tears, seemed like once she had let go the other night they kept catchin' her unawares at the oddest times.

Inara concentrated on what she was hearing. While she didn't really understand it yet, it certainly explained a great deal about some of the things she had seen in her time on Serenity. Took some of the mystery out of Mal as well.

"I've seen you workin' with River and Jayne. I ain't rightly sure what you have in mind, but if you're thinkin' on pickin' up weapons as a regular thing, even if you only mean it for defense or to go after them that comes for River, understand something, if you intend to be any use at all, you will eventually kill someone who the only thing they done wrong was not be on your side. Some farmer passin' by that pulls out a weapon to help the law; might even be a good man thats sheriff and comes to support the fine upstanding Alliance gentlemen you're shootin' at; or the nice man you met in the diner could be there and be a fed.

She paused to catch Inara's eye. "Perhaps even me if Jayne and Mal get into it. Thats what Jayne is thinkin' on. To his mind, it'd be wrong to not kill me or Mal if that's what it takes to protect the three of you. Happens, I agree with him."

Zoe stopped, struck by the similarity between Jayne and his two women and her and her two men. "He won't lose sleep over it either. And he's right to include me, wrong headed as Mal is, he is _my side_ when guns are drawn. Might not be after if it comes about because of things like today, but till it happens..." She let the thought drift away unfinished. "Only two sides, yours and the other.

Inara sat with her mouth open in astonishment at the plain statements.

Although Zoe hated to do it to her, she knew she needed to drive the point home. Inara had to understand what Wash hadn't until Niska's. She intended on making a life in the black with River and Jayne and in order to do this without losing herself in the process, she'd a need to understand the life she'd mostly observed from her shuttle or she'd likely get one of her people killed or worse live in hell not understanding. Wash had loved Zoe dearly but there had been times when he didn't like her much because he couldn't understand. Thankfully he was a right stubborn man and kept tryin'.

She leaned forward and pointed her finger at Inara's chest. "If you are standing next to him, with weapon at hand, you best commit to being able to shoot me. If you can't or you hesitate, you will cost your man his life, possibly even your own. If you cannot commit, tell him. He'll not think badly of you, I'm thinkin', but he deserves to know that he can't count on you. He'll need to plan accordingly.

Inara's hand went to her mouth as she gasped for breath. She had taken life in self-defense and even threatened Simon the other day, but this, this being able to coldly discuss killing or being killed by someone you considered a friend with that same friend was beyond her comprehension. She wasn't sure which was more shocking, the fact that Zoe insisted that it would be moral for Inara to kill her if necessary or Zoe's willingness to kill Inara if the situation arose. She hadn't known that right and wrong could matter so little.

Memories of Wash's coming to grips with this concept after Niska's complex played in Zoe's mind as she sat waiting for Inara to absorb the idea. It had taken time afterwards for Wash to accept his own willingness to kill whoever was necessary in order to get Mal.

Once Inara began breathing more easily, Zoe tried to help her see the choice more clearly. "Forget reasons and all the go se. Answer this question. If you walked up on me standin' behind Jayne with a gun to his head and knew, knew just as sure as you've known anything in your life that I would pull the trigger, and your only means to stop me was a gun, would you point that gun at my head and pull the trigger? No reasons for whats happenin' to hide behind. Don't think of what you _should_ say, be honest with yourself. Just me or Jayne. Do you do it?

"Yes." Inara whispered as tears ran down her cheeks.

"All the other stuff is just go se we use to keep from making hard choices or to justify somethin' we already did. That there is your answer and it's the right answer."

River ghosted through the door and pressed herself into the seat next to Inara.

Zoe watched her warily, unsure of how she would take Inara's breakdown.

River smiled her understanding of the kindness Zoe had shown Inara and pulled Inara's head to her chest, comforting her. Inara wrapped her arms around the small woman and wept.

River picked up the discussion of whether or not they should leave where it had dropped earlier. "It appears that were it not for the increased danger to those left here, the proper answer would be that we should leave."

Somewhat taken aback at the way River picked up exactly where Inara had left off with no preliminaries, Zoe wondered if she had been outside listening all along or something else.

River looked at her steadily, "Something else.

Zoe's eyes narrowed.

River wanted Zoe to understand. "Until I began speaking to you I was only listening to Inara. Now I am only listening to the top level of your mind in order to facilitate understanding and clarity. Questions you may have about what I'm saying float into that portion of your brain and I can answer as I go. I have no desire to manipulate you , manage you, or even read you fully, it would ultimately be counter-productive to a meaningful long term relationship. I will discontinue if you wish but it is primarily useful for me to check that I am speaking in an understandable manner." River cracked a smile, "I am not always sure.

When Zoe's expression relaxed and she gave a short nod, River continued. "There is more than one problem with us leaving, we are all inextricably linked to one another but mostly to Serenity because of Miranda. There will also be those who still hunt me. By my current estimate, at least three new parties will be interested as well as members of the Parliament unhappy with the closure of their project. Exact information on that group or groups will not be forthcoming for awhile." River answered Zoe's unspoken question. "Computers are another skill."

River hesitated, then answered Zoe's question of why it hadn't been mentioned at lunch. "I was not reading Mal at lunch, it was difficult to decide what skills to reveal and how they might be taken...It was disconcerting to be confused while stable, which made deciding even more difficult. My life has not had enough options within it to allow confusion for a long time." She smiled, "Except, of course, when I was less stable and all that existed was confusion."

"Makes sense." Zoe nodded in understanding.

River found she enjoyed speaking with Zoe. Given Zoe's normal terseness, she was completely happy, once she got over the creepifying factor, to have River answer questions as she went without having to ask them out loud. "If the four of us were to leave, those seeking vengeance as well as those hunting me will inevitably come to Serenity first. Probabilities are extremely low that there would be survivors if the four of us are gone. If we were to do something that let enough people for it to matter know we were no longer onboard, we would be very unlikely to survive. Even then there would be those that didn't believe and you would all die anyway. As we don't wish to leave you, Kaylee or Mal to die we seem to be at an impas unless we can reach Mal.

She brought up the last possibility. "I calculate this last option as being unacceptable to everyone, including myself. It really is too bad since it would be the smartest thing to do. The one option that would allow us to separate effectively and in fact would be highly effective even if we stayed together, would be to sell Serenity and acquire another ship. My research has indicated that She would bring a very high price as a collectors item due to Miranda. We could drop off radar for a time and go our separate ways or purchase a new ship and stay together."

In order to forestall Zoe's growl of anger she quickly reassured her, "As I said, a solution unacceptable to all."

Inara had finally been able to pull herself together, although she still looked very drawn from the understanding she had come to with herself. She and River now sat cuddling each other comfortably.

Zoe's eyes teared at seeing their comfortable embrace following so closely on the comments about Miranda and selling Serenity. God, she missed him.

Inara slipped out of the chair and went to Zoe placing a comforting arm across her stiff shoulders. "Thank you for showing me," She said softly.

Slowly, like ice melting, inch by slow inch, Zoe turned and softened until she finally allowed Inara to take her into a full embrace and her tears came unabated accompanied by harsh gasps. Inara was prompted by the striking resemblance between her and Jayne's collapses, to remember the night Jayne had finally allowed them to comfort him for his losses. Tears filled her eyes at her latest loss of innocence when she hadn't thought she had any more innocence remaining.

When Inara's arm first came to rest across her shoulders, Zoe's body screamed to move away. Wash's voice whispered softly in her ear, "Go on Lambytoes, you are brave enough to let yourself do this. Let Jayne's woman, er one of Jayne's women, er ick" Zoe could hear in his voice the scrunched up face of disgust he made at that thought, "That's just so wrong. Let Inara finish what Jayne started." With a harsh laugh and a hiccup, she did.

* * *

Inara and River came into the shuttle catching Jayne with one leg in his pants leg as he put them back on. He'd spent a considerable amount of time the last while pacing the shuttle in his sweats before deciding in his frustration to come find them. A string of mandarin burst out of his mouth. "Gorram it to hell, where in the ruttin' 'verse have you two been?"

He'd picked up on Inara's agitation earlier in the day and knew she wasn't doing very well. A short time after she had left to speak with Zoe, he and River had started feeling her distress and after River had reassured him that Inara was fine, she'd gone to be with her. That had been some time ago. He'd been going crazy with worry.

"I was startin' to think somethin' et ya." He growled petulantly.

Inara simply crossed the shuttle to him and pushed his pants out of his hands and wrapped her arms around his waist resting her head on his chest. Startled, he wrapped her up in a hug and looked at River, "This mean we gotta go?"

Smiling, River shook her head, "Not yet. Zoe will speak with the captain. She will try very hard to work on him. Nothing is certain yet."

Jayne looked down when he felt Inara shiver. "You cold băobèi?"

Inara nodded and stepped out of the embrace. She took his hand and began pulling him toward the bed, stopping only when he let out a startled curse at tripping over the pants he still had tangled around his leg. She waited long enough for him to kick them off while she divested herself of her dress and sandals then pushed him into bed following right behind him. She motioned for River to join them.

Inara burrowed into Jayne, her arms tucked between them, her hands and face pressed to his chest and her legs intertwined with his. After quickly undressing down to her underwear, River slid in against Inara's back, spooning her, one arm tucked underneath to splay on her bare belly and the other resting across to lay on Jayne's side. She moved Inara's hair out of the way and tucked her chin into her shoulder.

Feeling confused, which he realized was becoming normal around these two, Jayne pulled up the blanket and simply held them both, his lower arm under Inara, his hand splayed across her back the back of his hand warmed by River's bare belly and his upper arm stretched across to hold River with his hand against her back.

"Jayne, if you find you need to stand against Mal and Zoe, I ... I can stand with you." Inara said in a small voice.

Wincing with his understanding of what was going on, he answered, "I already knew that băobèi. Told you, you're a strong woman."

She continued as if he hadn't spoken. "If it comes to that, promise me you will forgive me if I hate you for a little while. I promise it won't be any more than I hate myself and I promise it won't be forever but I don't think I could do it and not hate for a little while."

Jayne cleared his throat at the emotion her honesty brought up and understood what she was giving him. He knew that if he were the cause of her needing to hurt her friend, her hate would pale beside his own, for himself. "I promise băobèi."

After giving Inara time to relax, River decided that the night could not end on a discussion of hate between them. Offering an overly dramatic sigh, she spoke in a mock stage whisper, infusing her voice with as much whiny petulance as she could. "If this were a _good_ vid, we would all be playing kissey face by now."

She felt them both tighten briefly before Inara suddenly giggled. As if it were a damn breaking, Jayne giggled too. Letting loose a peal of laughter, River pointed it out, "Jayne giggled, Jayne giggled, told you Jayne was a girls name."

With a snarl that was mostly laughter Jayne raised himself up over them and promptly dug his fingers into River's side tickling her. "I did not ruttin' giggle, I just hadn't got my laugh started up good yet." No way in hell had he giggled. Jayne did not giggle. No sir. His next comment would have been about his man parts but he suddenly realized he was naked.

River struggled to get away but Jayne had pinned her legs by sitting on them. After torturing her to tears, he noticed that Inara was grinning but had managed to keep her distance. He paused and made eye contact with River and suddenly the two of them pounced on Inara, both tickling her until tears of laughter rolled down her cheeks and she begged them to stop. Then just as suddenly, River assaulted Jayne with Inara close behind. They weren't having much success until River pulled out her bag of dirty tricks and got her legs wrapped over his arms from behind and pinned them back, holding him for Inara. Inara straddled his legs and worked his ribs over. They giggled madly at his wild hoots of laughter and thrashing about.

Eventually the ticklefest devolved into Inara kissing Jayne thoroughly. After watching with a grin, River joined in and kissed them both just as thoroughly and energetically as they had kissed each other.

Somewhat later, it was Inara's groan into River's mouth, when Jayne's mouth locked on to her breast and suckled it, laving her nipple thoroughly with his tongue, that brought them back to themselves. Their movements gentled. Plunging kisses slowed to become gentle caresses of lip and tongue and desperately clasping hands eased to soothing strokes.

In time, after quite a bit of giggling, a few lewd comments from Jayne, that, for once, were appropriate to the situation, and surreptitious pokes, pinches and grabs all around, they lay snuggled up as they had before. The main difference being that where before they had been clutching each other for comfort, this time they luxuriated in the feel of each other, skin to skin.

They were more relaxed now. River giggled inside. Well, if one could use the term 'relaxed' to define the replacement of bad tension with good tension anyway. She deliberated on the frustrated arousal pulsing in her body and underlying her contentment. It was amazing the way it made her feel whole and complete, uniting her mind and body in a way that only fighting had in the past. She looked forward to the day she would be ready to satisfy that frustration but for now she was happy in the knowledge that she was capable of feeling it.

* * *

Zoe woke when she heard Mal's bunk open. As usual she had fallen asleep in Wash's chair. The corner of her lips tipped up in a short smile as she heard him cursing while working himself up the ladder. Clearing her face of expression she turned as he shuffled onto the bridge.

"Seems you all decided to let me sleep through dinner." Mal said with just a hint of reproval in his voice.

Zoe looked at him impassively. "Seemed you could use the sleep, sir." _I wasn't in the mood for your mouth_.

Mal grimaced as his mind translated the 'sir'.

He let himself flop into the co-pilot seat. "Reckon Doc weren't kidding about how out of shape I am." He tried a non-offensive subject.

Zoe grunted. _Who gives a shit._

Mal winced again.

He'd known she was pissed, just hadn't expected her to be this pissed.

"I'm thinkin' I could've handled things a touch better with you earlier." He gave an opening offer.

Zoe looked at him with a raised eyebrow. _Not even close idiot._

Mal looked out the view screen. Looked like he might have to actually talk about it some, she wasn't cuttin' him any slack. "It all took me unawares, seemed things were movin' along just shiny then ... not so much."

Zoe sighed, "Happens that way sometimes, sir." _and?_

"Ai ya, Zoe, you don't like change any more'n I do. Tossed me about some is all I'm sayin'. Could be it made me a mite tetchier than it should've." Mal figured that'd better do the trick cuz he weren't going much further.

Zoe snorted. _Ya think?_

Mal decided he could settle for that. Seemed she was a little better now he'd made the effort, she'd get over the rest on her own.

"So I miss anything interestin' at dinner?" Mal hated to miss dinner. Thats when he figured out most of what his crew was gettin' up to.

"Not much," Zoe responded. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Inara came up to talk some awhile ago." She turned her chair towards him. "Wanted to know if they should just leave."

Mal blew up, "Why'n the gorram 'verse did she come to you. I'm the Qīngwā cào de liúmáng captain, should be askin' me." He grimaced as soon as the words came out of his mouth. He knew what look she'd be givin' him. He looked at her. Yup.

Zoe's glare cut through him. _If you are gonna be this stupid, could be I aughta blow your ruttin' head off myself and be done with you._

He sighed. "What'd you tell her?"

Easing off on the glare slightly, Zoe began relaying her conversation with Inara and River to him. She decided not to leave anything out except her own breakdown, figuring that it would be best to see how he took the whole thing now rather than later. At the end she relaxed, put her head back against the seat and let her mind drift as he thought things over.

"Sounds like it might've happened between her and Jayne even without the link." The pain in his voice evident. "She shouldn't have ever had to understand that. Thats why I always wanted her off the ship."

"Thats where you were wrong, sir." _Typical_ s_tupid man crap._

Mal frowned at her. "What? Wanting to protect her was wrong? How is that wrong?"

"It was disrespectful. It was you sayin' she didn't know her own mind, that she weren't strong enough and that you didn't trust her to make her own choices." Zoe countered.

"No it weren't. She's like another side of the coin from Kaylee. Kaylee is all bright and naive, Inara is soft and fluffy-like for all that she's a ... does what she does er did, don't neither of them need to rub up against the dark side of things anymore'n I can help it." He was indignant that Zoe thought he was disrespectful of Inara.

He might'a been little mean sometimes and, well, maybe a little disrespectful of her work but not of her. "'Sides that can't be the difference, ain't no way in the 'verse Jayne is respectful of her."

Zoe smirked at him. _You are dumb as a rock._ "Before, you ever notice Jayne treatin' her all fragile-like or did he insult her same as everyone else? 'Sides I don't see you tryin' ta get Kaylee off your ship none."

Zoe watched him open his mouth to retort and then interrupted. "And now, Jayne told them flat out what he expected of them." She smiled at him. _You ain't gonna like this one bit._

"What?" he growled out, with more than a hint of a groan mixed in. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear just what Jayne's expectations were from two attractive women he was sharin' a bed with. He'd either have to go up and shoot him, and that wasn't an attractive idea after what Zoe had just convinced Inara of, or ... He wasn't rightly sure what the 'or' might be but he was certain it would be full of unpleasantness.

Zoe kept the evil grin that welled up inside to herself in anticipation of how much Mal was going to dislike what she had to say. "Seems that a few days back Jayne was getting pretty fraught about things. Worryin' about right or wrong and whatnot, with the closeness of the link and all. Finally told them outright that he trusted them and was gonna respect them enough to know their own minds and wasn't gonna second guess every little thing they did or said. They had to decide things for themselves and let him know clearly what they wanted. Said he was gonna assume the best less they said otherwise and not jump to conclusions about anything." Zoe knew she'd made it more wordy than what River'd told her Jayne said, but Mal was too slow about such things to get the unsaid parts.

Zoe thought while Mal sat in stunned silence. "I ain't quite made up my mind if he's smart enough to do it on purpose but he gave something to those women that most women ain't ever goin' to know. Ain't sure he knows what it means about how they're gonna treat him either."

"Huh." Mal said when it became obvious a response was expected. He was still tryin' to get his head around Jayne worrying about right and wrong. He hadn't even gotten close to the trusting thing yet.

She and Wash'd had that type of relationship to some extent but she didn't think even between them it had been like the trio had a chance for it to be if Jayne lived up to his words. "He gave them a freedom thats rare for a woman from one thats her lover. To tell her own mind and be believed and not belittled. To be expected to be strong enough to be an equal. They'll not play games with him like most women feel they have to, just hopin' their man'll guess what they want and be ok with them havin' it or doin' whatever it is. He'll get more honesty from them than most men'll ever see from a woman that ain't his ma or sister.

"Woah, wait now! They're lovers now? I thought there wasn't any ... things of that sort happenin'. Just sharin' a bed, you know wearin' EVA suits and what not." Mal jumped past everything else to that bit of news.

Zoe sighed and shook her head. _Not a typically stupid man, exceptionally stupid._ "Whatever's happened or not, make no mistake, they're lovers. All three of 'em."

"Gah!" Mal gave voice to his shock at the assertation. His head began to shake in denial.

Zoe turned a glare on him, "Ain't your business, sir." _If you start with that go se again I WILL shoot you in the head and end it._

"I'm the captain of this here ship and if you think..." Mal began spouting indignantly.

Zoe cut him off, upping her glare a notch, "Not your business, SIR." _I will shoot you in the head until you don't even have a neck left!_

Mal sputtered to a stop, then shuddered at the thought. "They best be keepin' it out of sight or _I _will shoot someone." He growled.

Finally Mal left to get a bowl of noodles from the galley and came back to plop back in the co-pilot seat.

"So looks like we still got folks comin' after us, huh?" In desperate need to clear his mind of the images that had taken up residence there, he turned to life and death matters, completely ignoring most of what Zoe had tried to tell him. "Good times."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Sorry so long on this one. RL and my muse kicked my butt.

Please review, this one was another more difficult one so I'd like the feedback.

Thanks to Thugs4less for the encouragement and help clarifying some things.

Rating: Still R not very graphic but there is some ffm

* * *

Chapter 19

Inara woke to find herself entangled with River and a disappointing lack of warmth against her back, indicating that Jayne had already gotten up. She kissed River softly on the cheek and slowly began extricating herself from the embrace, carefully sliding a pillow into River's arms in an effort to keep from waking her.

Not seeing Jayne, she assumed he had already dressed and gone down for breakfast until the click of ceramic on metal from behind the curtain separating the main shuttle area from the pilot console drew her attention. She stepped quietly to the curtain and peeked in and saw Jayne, seated in the pilot's chair, his pant covered legs and bare feet propped on the console next to a cup of steaming imitation coffee. She attempted to slip in without him noticing and thought she had succeeded until he moved one foot over and pivoted the chair to look at her. He raised an eyebrow at her sneakiness.

Throwing him an impish grin she asked, "How did you know? I'm sure I didn't make a sound."

He grinned back at her and touched a finger to his nose.

"Oh," she said haltingly, not quite sure if that was a good or a bad thing given it was morning and she hadn't cleaned up yet.

He chuckled at her expression. "It's a good thing. Makes me think home, comfort, woman ...", his voice trailed off. He wasn't quite ready to voice some of the other things it made him think.

Inara almost started to go to him but something in his look stopped her.

He drank in the sight of her. The glow of the morning light through the window sparkled on her body. Her black curls mussed from sleep. The adorable crinkle imprints on her cheek left by the pillow. Full lips curved into an edible smile. The rise and fall of her breasts with each inhalation and exhalation, the dark tips hardening as he watched. Shadows under her breasts leading to the sweep of ribs that frame the gentle curve of her belly, punctuated by a dainty hollow where it dipped in before leading downward. The burgundy thong, a slash of color encircling her waist and cupping the mound of her sex before disappearing between rounded thighs. The sweep of soft flesh ending midway down her thighs slashed across by the dark shadow cast by the console. His eyes began the trek upward devouring the feast before him.

Inara had been watched, looked at and examined by both men and women filled with everything from rabid lust to clinical dispatch and somehow had never before felt quite as ... seen. His gaze seemed to ignore everything but her. She felt her nipples pucker as if his eyes emitted some tangible energy that caressed them. It felt like she was under the gaze of a starving man and he saw in her every meal and every dessert he had ever fantasized about. Her breath caught in her throat.

The catch in her breath broke his trance and his eyes went to hers. They swapped sheepish grins at the highly charged exchange and he held his hand out to her as she walked up. Wrapping his arm around her waist he turned her and tugged her into his lap and against his bare chest before turning the chair to face out the window.

Sighing contentedly, Inara leaned against him and lost herself in the tactile pleasure of running her fingers across his chest, smoothing the hair one way then the other and then plucking it back up, sometimes with fingertips, other times by bringing splayed fingers together and tugging on the captured hair by raising her hand.

Gentle fingertips on her chin raised her face to his seeking mouth. Lips opened and tongues darted together, stroking and teasing each other. His breath to her, hers back to him. His hand spanned her side, fingers sinking gently between ribs, fingertips curling into the muscle and drawing back around. The stroke gentled as his hand traveled up to cup her breast. She arched into the pressure as his hand tightened, firmly stroking inward puckering the dark cap and shooting sensation through her. The pressure lightened as his fingertips reached the sensitive tip, rolling it gently, tugging, calloused fingertip circling the hardened nub. Again.

She groaned into his mouth as she dragged her nails across his chest, tips flicking and circling his nipple before letting her hand sink into the muscle surrounding it. They sighed into each other as they relaxed, his hand caressing gently down to lay splayed on her torso, fingers curled around her side and thumb drawing slowly back and forth against the underside of her breast.

Jayne rested his chin against her forehead and chuckled. "It strike you that all this holdin' back's a mite odd?"

Inara, her hand busy combing his chest again, shook with laughter, "Believe me, this much restraint is unusual, even for a Companion and I was trained to have restraint."

"Figured it might be. I been keepin' an eye on how this seems to work, bein' as I ain't really actin' what you'd call normal for me bout this."

"Jayne, you haven't acted in what I would say was a normal manner, compared to what I've ever seen of you, in weeks." Inara said seriously as she leaned her head back to look up at his face. She pressed her lips to his jaw when she saw his face go taut. "Please don't get mad at my saying so. You must know how different you have been from the person you were around me before." Inara had been thinking about this very subject a great deal since having her attention drawn to it so forcibly the day before.

Jayne's face relaxed and he gave her a little grin. "Aw, I ain't mad, really. 'Sides you ain't exactly been the snob I knew either." He tweaked her nipple drawing a surprised squeak from her. He held her to him as he leaned forward and grabbed his coffee and took a sip, handing it to her to share.

She gave him a mock glare at being called a snob. "I was not a snob, just ... proper."

He took another large drink of the still hot drink and held it in his mouth as he set the cup back down. Then he swallowed and leaned down to capture her nipple in his heated mouth.

"Oh! Mmmm," she purred as she arched up to intensify the contact, then gasped when he let the hardened flesh pop out of his mouth and the cool air of the shuttle surrounded it.

"Ain't that what I said? Snob." He declared with a grin.

Turning more serious, she asked, "The answer doesn't matter to me but can you tell how much the link causes the difference?"

Jayne thought about her question seriously for a few minutes. "I sorta have an idea, I think. Ain't sure I got the words for it though. Whats that word that means it starts other stuff to happen, make things change?"

"Catalyst?" Inara asked.

"Yea, thats it. Its like the catalyst. This is the way I always acted around family ... mostly anyway. You and River ain't blood so its some different but its kinda the same." He paused, frustrated that it didn't sound like it made sense. "Just the link maybe made it stronger, faster, sorta? And maybe safer." He growled softly as he looked for the words.

"I think I understand. The difficult part, of letting someone in, is trusting what they might do once they are there. Even just knowing about the link, regardless of what it is doing, we stopped having to worry as much about that."

Jayne nodded, relieved that she had understood.

"Not that we couldn't be mean if we wanted but ... " Inara stopped to collect her thoughts. "For me, I think this is something I have wanted all of my life. Not that I knew it was you or River or all of us in particular but to belong to someone this completely and have them belong back. I only had my mother when I was younger and she was a Companion so there was always a distance between us. I left her fairly young to enter the Guild. In some ways belonging to the Guild fulfilled that need but it was never complete as it didn't provide any true emotional connection. For all that both she and they trained me to maintain an emotional distance, I always craved just the opposite."

She gave a chuckle at the irony. "Unfortunately, they would have put me out of the Guild if they knew that the very thing that made me so good at being a Companion was in direct opposition to the rules."

She smiled sadly at his confused look. "I let myself love most of my clients and that is against Guild guidelines and even Guild law. Not love in a forever way but I loved them for the time I was with them. That is what drove me out of the Core. Things are different there. For all the manners and rituals that make the people of the Core worlds seem refined and proper, there it often really is just about the sex and even the sex is corrupted there. It was often about control and dominance, in a sense of making people do what they don't want rather than fulfilling domination and submissive roles properly where you are meeting their needs. Many of those in power that hire Companions are just looking for highly skilled whores and status symbols, and I use that term as Mal would.

Jayne wrapped her more completely in his arms holding her close. He understood, even though she didn't say it directly, that this was why she had come into the black. This was why Mal calling her a whore had hurt so much. She had been doing everything she could to not be one, yet remain true to what a Companion was supposed to be.

She took a deep breath. "Back to the link. In even just finding out about the link, it set me free. We would never be rid of each other. We couldn't just walk away in a huff or drift apart. After being held by you and coming to know River, I knew that I could trust that you were people that would be there for me." She shrugged, somewhat embarrassed. She was used to talking about feelings, as were all Companions, just not their own and baring her soul was going farther than she ever had before.

She cupped his cheek in her hand and drew him down to a warm kiss. "I said something to Zoe last night about you and I think after consideration that it is more true than I knew at the time."

"Whats that?" Jayne was a little concerned, not as much as he might have been if she weren't all cuddled up with him, but a little.

"For all that River's mind may provide the ... energy ... whatever it is, I think you are the reason it was able to occur. The care you gave us when you reached out to us, I think, anyway, are what gave it the path." She smiled a loving smile. "And for that I will be eternally grateful!"

After basking in the warmth of each other and the sun warming them through the window, she looked up at him. "Now about this restraint."

He chuckled at her tenacity. "Reckon thats the link."

"Do you find yourself frustrated by it? I don't seem to, and I know I really should. It concerns me a little that it doesn't concern me enough." Her statement caused them both to snicker.

"Reckon I have a handle on that. Bein' more than a little concerned my own self and wonderin' if its messin' up my drives and all." He shifted her around and settled himself more comfortably. "Its like a really good meal. Even though you ain't done eatin'; you ain't really hungry anymore but not really done eatin'; you get to this place, an its like a switch got thrown. An you're satisfied. Like some itch you didn't even know you had, got scratched. I usually keep eatin' cuz otherwise I'll be hungry again soon. But you know you could stop and not feel like you was missin' out on any a the rest of the meal. Well, thats what it feels like to me. I'd still like to eat, and I sure wouldn't turn down some dessert," he leered at her, "but its ok if I don't get none."

She sat up with a surprised look on her face. "Thats it, thats it exactly. And I suppose since we both feel that way 'dessert' doesn't come up."

"Know what else I noticed?" He asked proudly.

Inara shook her head.

"That satisfied feelin' kicks in about one step further along than whatever River is joinin' in on. I think it protects her from havin' to deal with more than she can." He answered somewhat smugly, proud at having been the one to figure it out.

Inara grinned at him. Happy for the way getting to explain to her made him feel. And proud that he had taken the time to figure it out.

Suddenly Jayne was struck by an idea that was all sorts of amusin' and he began laughing.

"Whats so funny?" She pressed against him to enjoy the vibrations and rumbling deep in his chest.

"Just realized that the one thing we done figured out about the link we either ain't gonna tell Three Percent, or he ain't goin' to wanna hear." Jayne explained before losing himself in another fit of laughter.

"Oh you are bad." Inara exclaimed before joining in.

As their laughter faded to chuckles, Jayne realized they weren't alone any longer and spun the chair to the side. He saw River standing a little behind them with a wistful look on her face, her body language looking more closed in on herself than he had seen in awhile.

He frowned, "Mornin' Wu Ji, what are you doin' standin' there lookin' all lonesome?"

She wrapped her arms around herself and kicked at the floor, "I ... She ...I ..."

"Stop that!" Jayne demanded, realizing she was feeling left out. "Get your pi gu up here and give me a good morning kiss!" He growled.

Having read River as quickly as Jayne had, Inara held out her arms to welcome her.

River's countenance brightened as she skipped over to climb on them.

Inara shifted her butt to Jayne's right thigh with her legs apart so that River could sit between them on Jayne's other leg and drape her own legs across Inara's on either side of her waist.

After they had both kissed River thoroughly, she relaxed against Jayne and holding Inara's hand , became solemn once again.

Jayne took in her look. "Fore you go gettin' all serious on us again, I got somethin' I want to clear up," he said firmly. He waited until River made eye contact. He'd have turned her face to him but his arms were stuck holding the women. "Don't you be standin' around all lonely like that. Only reason you wasn't already included was cause you were sleepin'. You belong here with us if'n you want to be here. Ain't gotta wait for no invitation, don't matter what we're doin'."

Inara clasped River's hands in her own, "Absolutely, I told you before. We are three, not one and two."

Although her face remained serious River's eyes sparkled at their statements. She stretched her neck up and kissed Jayne and then pulled Inara in for a kiss.

She leaned back studying them. "I am sorry, I did not realize that I was keeping you both from consummating your physical connection. I have been listening for most of your conversation and examining the link for the aspects you discussed and I believe you are correct in most of your deductions. Although, I can't tell what causes the the satisfied feeling you mentioned." River looked from one to the other. "I think the two of you should have sex."

"Wha...You sure you mean to let that cat outta the bag?" Jayne asked cautiously.

River gave him a naughty look as she ran her nails down Inara's abdomen to tug suggestively at the elastic of her panties. "I sincerely hope for Inara's sake, that more than the cat is coming out."

Jayne sat gaping, laughter coming to him only when Inara began to giggle. "Gorram it, ain't what I meant." It wasn't that he hadn't understood, it just wasn't something he was ready for from River and he'd thought it was just his own mind taking a dirty turn so he'd been searching for some other meaning.

Inara leaned in towards River and put her hands on her hips. "Seriously though, sweetie, I think we may have been unclear. We are fine as things are. As we both said it isn't as though we really feel a lack, as yet. I don't think we need to push you faster than you are ready. We really don't know what the overflow might be to you and doing something premature could hurt you."

Jayne nodded agreement. He was reluctant to voice his reasons, he was getting more comfortable with the talks about feelings but sometimes he still felt like he's spoken on em enough for a lifetime. The slow burn building between all of them was something he was really enjoying. Not really knowing what was going to happen next but each step somehow making simple things better than they had ever been before. He'd never been one for delayed gratification but it was certainly turning into something he really enjoyed.

Inara continued. "I suspect that there is healing going on for us as well. I find I savor our time together, not wish for things to happen faster." She smirked at them, "Not to say I'm not looking forward to having dessert one of these days!"

River looked at them closely. "You are sure?" When they both nodded she grinned at them. "In that case, I believe it is my turn to complain about the inequities in how I have been greeted."

Jayne's looked a little stumped as he watched his women. He noted Inara's raised eyebrow and mischievous grin and waited happily. He liked that grin, meant something good was gonna happen.

Inara's tongue touched her lower lip. "You said you have been listening all along?" River stuck her lower lip out in a pout and nodded. "I see. Well, in that case you haven't properly greeted me either."

River raised her eyebrow back at Inara. "I think it only fair that I receive a demonstration first in order to assure that I greet you properly."

Jayne's face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning as he got an idea what was coming.

Pulling River closer to her, Inara leaned in and licked the hollow of her throat. "Well, if you really need a demonstration," she lapped a trail along River's collarbone, "I'll have to see," with gentle kisses and soft nips of her teeth she moved her mouth down the swell of River's breast, "that you get," her tongue darted out to swirl around the pale nipple, "a very," her lips closed over the tip while her tongue savored the pebbled surface, "very," she breathed out on the dampness her mouth left behind, "thorough one." River gasped as Inara laved her breast one last time before drawing it into her mouth.

Jayne reached out to tuck Inara's hair back so that he could watch her suckling River's breast. His eyes darkened at River's quivering reaction when she arched herself forward. Inara's cheeks hollowed while she drew the mound deeper into her mouth. River whimpered when he raised the leg she sat on creating more tension in the soft tissue. Divining Jayne's intentions, Inara turned River's torso more toward Jayne giving him access to her other breast. The breast quivered with the quick pants River took at Inara's ministrations. Jayne leaned in and caressed his way around the already hard tip with his mouth and tongue. He felt her shake when his goatee brushed the sensitive nerve bundle.

He finally let his rigid tongue flick the nub with a couple of hard little strokes before he drew it into his mouth. He rolled it with his tongue, pressing it against the roof of his mouth before sucking it deeper. When he hummed his pleasure at her taste, he felt her breath catch before she sighed deeply. At the feel of Inara raising herself to kiss River, he drew back, letting the nipple pull from his mouth with a little pop. While the women kissed passionately he noted that their nipples were nearly touching each other and amused himself by trying to get a nipple from each woman in his mouth at the same time. So focused on his task was he that he didn't notice when they stopped kissing and leaned their foreheads together to watch him.

They exchanged amused grins, he looked much like River did when she tried to eat an iceplanet. They didn't mind too much since his attempts, the flicking of his tongue and gentle bites and tugging when he tried to hold one nipple in his mouth while he chased the other, were delicious. He could get his mouth latched on one or the other but never managed to get the second. Finally, taking pity on him and themselves, they reached up to guide themselves into the warmth, sighing at the feel of their nipples pressed together in his mouth, his tongue swirling around them in figure eights then lapping. Finally the need to breath caused him to pull back and let them go. Jayne grinned at them, a great big boy with his very own candy store.

Just as River patted Jayne on the leg to get him to lower her so that she could 'greet' Inara properly they were interrupted by a banging on the shuttle door.

"Jayne, thruster is here, Cap'n says get your pi gu down here and help." Kaylee yelled.

"Réncí de Fozu, I forgot breakfast!" Inara smacked Jayne's arm, "Its your fault."

"Ow, hey, I made breakfast." He smirked at Inara's look of surprise. "You was sleepin' so nice I didn't want to wake you. I forgot, there's pancakes on the table under that towel for both of ya."

River pecked them both on the cheek and jumped down, laughing as she ran off. "I get dibs on the head! I promise to greet you properly later, Inara," she giggled back.

Inara glared after the disappearing girl. "Brat, I'm sure she knew I needed to go." She turned a stern look on Jayne. "That was very sweet of you Jayne but I need to do my own chores. We can't afford to get Mal upset and thinking I'm not carrying my own weight."

Jayne shrugged, "He don't know, I woke up pretty early an no one was around yet. They all woke up to coffee and pancakes ready for 'em, don't think anyone was upset." He was getting peeved that she wasn't happier with him.

Seeing the hurt look on his face, Inara relented and kissed him warmly, "Thank you for the thought, Jayne. I just want to be careful to not give Mal any more to pick at us about."

Looking happier now, he held on as she started to get up. "Wait a sec there, I was wantin' to ask you somethin' but we got all distracted talkin' on other stuff. An I'm sorry I didn't think a Mal bein' upset, just you was asleep an I was up. Made sense for me to do it."

He looked away with an embarrassed look on his face for what he was going to ask her. "I ain't tryin' to pry or nothin' but I was thinkin' that it'd be good for you and River to get some body armor. An I ain't got near enough coin for both of you. I'd wait till I had more but I'd hate for one a you to get shot in between, what with the people River says are gonna be comin' an all." He hurried to get it all out, unhappy at having to ask her to help pay.

"That is an excellent idea, only I think we should get some for you as well. How much would three sets be? And don't even think about arguing. Three Sets." There was no way Inara was going to buy armor for herself and River and not include Jayne.

She wondered how they would deal with money issues. They would all have their own income at some point, of course Jayne already did, but she was quite well off by almost any standard except core world and even then she was very comfortable. A Companion's rates were very high because of the standard of living she had to project and now that she no longer needed to project that level of wealth she was almost rich. Not to mention the many items she could sell now that they were unnecessary for her lifestyle. She also owned property on Sihnon that she would probably never use again. She needed to figure out how to make it clear to him, without injuring his pride, that her money was to be used for just these sorts of things.

Seeing the determined look on her face he followed her directions and didn't argue. He gave her two prices, one for custom fitted and one for generic sizes. "There's a guy I know that works in a shop that can set us up with the custom ones in just a few hours if Mal is willin' to wait. Most other places we stop they'd have to order em."

"Oh, I think he'll wait, especially if we tell him we are getting armor for everyone." The cost hadn't been nearly as much as she had feared. Truthfully, it wouldn't have mattered how much it was, as long as she had enough. Credits unspent that could protect her loved ones were worthless to her.

"Well, Zoe has some already and Mal won't wear armor. Told me once it weren't captainy. Says it would make folks we deal with nervous if he showed up to meets wearin' armor." He snorted, "Seemed stupid to me. Maybe if they saw the armor they'd back off on tryin' to get away without payin'."

He wasn't big on her spendin' the coin on him but if he had armor he'd ruttin' well wear it. He didn't care that much for gettin' shot. Gettin' to shoot at folks was another thing entirely. "Anyway, ain't much reason to get the fitted stuff for Kaylee and Simon less you really want to. The reasons for fitted is comfort and they'll stop some of the armor piercing rounds. Simon and Kaylee'd be most likely to wear it on ship and not for very long at a time. An there ain't much likelihood of folks usin' armor piercing on a ship. "

"I think we'll get fitted for everyone and a couple of extra of the generic ones in case there is a situation in which Mal needs one or if we have someone else onboard." Suddenly she realized that she was assuming they would be staying. After consideration, she decided it didn't matter, even if they left she wanted the remaining members of the crew protected as well as they could be.

She kissed him, "You better get going before Mal has a fit. I'll speak to him about letting us all go for fitting after the engine is installed."

* * *

Simon carefully worked his way up the scaffolding under the port side thruster to where Kaylee was working. Although she had to know he was there she didn't look at him until he spoke. "How are you feeling, Kaylee? Any vertigo?" He asked gently, if somewhat nervously.

"Not to fret, Simon, I'm feelin' fine. Ain't had a spell in a couple of days." Kaylee answered politely but without any particular warmth.

"Have all the workmen gone to lunch?"

"Reckon. Qīngwā cào de liúmáng if'n they don't take more breaks than any folk I ever worked with."

Simon winced, hoping that her frustration with their work ethic wasn't bad news for his plan. "I was wondering if you might be persuaded to take a few minutes yourself. I brought some lunch." He motioned at the bag he had brought with him.

Kaylee held herself back from squealing. She wasn't ready to forgive him yet, but this was the very first time he had made any effort to do something for her. She kept working until she could be sure she had her face under control. "I can't be stoppin'. You know how the cap'n is. Acts like he's got burr up his pigu. Wants to be in the black by dark." Finally certain that she could keep her face blank she looked at him.

Simon's face fell. He hadn't really thought it would be that easy; however, he had hoped that Kaylee's naturally sunny nature would tip things his way. "I see, perhaps another time?"

Kaylee hesitated. She didn't want to make this too easy for him but being difficult or mean just weren't her best talents. "We'll have ta see." Then to soften the blow she added, "I am hungry though, if'n you got somethin' in there that I can snack on as I go, you could leave that. Cap'n really is liable to pop somethin' if he comes out and we're sittin' here havin' a picnic pretty as you please."

Simon perked up. 'That was a good sign. Right?' he thought. "Inara made some things that are meant to be eaten without having to sit down. They actually look pretty tasty compared to what we usually dig out for snacks, I think having a cook will be nice." He began setting them out with a hopeful look on his face.

Kaylee turned back to the engine before letting her smile break free. "Sure, that'll be nice. Thanks." She said, trying to maintain an off-hand tone.

"Will you really have it ready to go by tonight? It looks so ... unfinished." He assumed it wasn't as bad as it looked but any excuse to keep the reasonably pleasant exchange going was good in his mind.

Kaylee's voice changed to an excited prattle as she was given the opportunity to talk about her girl. "Pretty sure, if'n the engine is in as good a shape as it looks. Just looks a mess right now cause I've got the insides all hangin' out the panel." She frowned. "I'll probably have to tweak it a bit, it's a RKL3XJ-44 and the starboard thruster's a 42 . The 44's supposed to put out 15 percent more power but I've got the 42 fixed up better'n factory specs so it'll take some tests to get em matched up proper like. Wouldn't bother Wash ... anyway, if'n they ain't matched the capt'n 'll have an excuse that the rough flyin' aint his fault. Even if it is." She looked at him and allowed herself a smile at Mal's love of blamin' others.

"DOC! You best not be distractin' my mechanic. Ain't wantin' to fly into a moon cause you had a need to be makin' eyes at the wrong time." Mal's yell startled them and caused both to jump.

Simon blushed and smiled at Kaylee, who smiled back before she realized it and quickly turned back to the engine. "I guess I better go. It's a good thing you didn't sit down with me, I think you are correct, he would have had an aneurism." He began his unsteady trek down the scaffolding.

"I thought Kaylee deserved some lunch." He told Mal as he finally reached the safety of the ground.

"Lunch is fine," Mal groused, "you sittin' up there takin' her mind off what needs doin' ain't. 'Sides you're supposed to be gettin' me a list of medical supplies."

"I have it right here." Simon pulled a sheet out of his pocket. "We need quite a few things, there was quite a bit of wastage when we landed."

Mal grunted as he looked over the list. "Might could get this free if'n we made a run back up to the medship but I ain't much interested in spendin' any more time up there." He looked up with a glint in his eye. He could send Inara. She was the one least likely to run into any problems. He was lookin' forward to seein' how she handled takin' orders from him on a regular basis. She'd never been much good about that before.

He looked at Simon. "You got things to do, get to 'em. I'll take care of this."

Mal walked into the galley to find Inara putting out plates of finger food and sandwiches. "What's all this? It ain't dinner time yet." He growled, almost immediately regretting the tone. He'd done a lot of thinkin' over the night and he didn't want to split up the crew. He wasn't sure how relationships were going to work out, especially with him and Inara but if bad things were coming he wanted them together. He wasn't sure he completely believed River's projections but if there was a chance she was right he didn't want Kaylee and Zoe dyin' cause a his selfishness. He looked her clothes over. He still wasn't much used to seein' her dressed simple like. She had on a very pretty dress but it weren't anything like her Companiony clothes.

"I realize that. It seemed that everyone was very busy, so I made some things they could grab and eat without having to sit down or stop and prepare their own. I thought it would save time for those doing the more critical jobs." Inara replied calmly.

"Huh." Mal nodded, surprised. He hadn't thought of that not having had a cook for the ship before. "Good idea," he said, trying to make up for his earlier tone. He grabbed a couple of the pastry lookin' things.

"Take this list up to the medship and get the stuff Simon wants for the infirmary. They ain't expectin' it so ya may have to use your wiles on them some." He bit his tongue to keep any snarkiness from slipping out.

Inara's eyes widened at the nearly polite speech. She also realized that giving her orders was probably as close as he would come to saying out right that he wanted them to stay. Knowing how difficult it must have been for him she rewarded him with a smile. "Right away, Sir." She said cheekily.

Mal grimaced before giving her a mock glare. "Ya ain't gonna be like Zoe are ya? Don't need ta be figurin' out a whole new set of meanin's for the word 'sir'."

She put a finger to her chin and looked at him as if she were considering it. "Hmmm, maybe not a whole new set. After all, Zoe has some very good ones that I could probably borrow."

Mal growled and turned away muttering something sounding suspiciously like 'gorram womenfolk'.

Inara suppressed a laugh. "Actually, Sir, I needed to speak with you about something as well." She teased him with the 'Sir'.

Mal turned back giving her a not so mocking glare.

"I wondered if I could take the crew off ship once they are free. Yourself included if you like. I would like to get everyone body armor and Jayne knows a shop that can have us all fitted in a few hours."

"What? Thats an awful lot of credits ta be spendin' on my crew. Might want to think on that." Mal didn't believe she would have made the offer if she knew how much it would be.

"What good is money in the bank if spending it now could save a member of my family's life?" Inara asked softly. "Jayne told me how much it would cost and it is something I would like to do."

Mal was touched that she included him even though there was no way he was gonna let her buy him armor. Of course, given that he was Mal, and this was Inara, he had to be a little bit of an ass to avoid letting it show. "Wish you'd a taken care of it sooner, means we'll be stuck here longer." He paused then pulled out a pouch of money. "Long as you'll be out wastin' time, you may as well get supplies. Nothin' fancy just the basics and don't be spendin' any a your own coin for em neither." He admonished her.

"You're the cook so you can pick but you only spend what the ship can afford and we ain't got any idea how long we need it to last. Most a our contacts are gone so it could take some time ta get any work." Actually he knew it would take time. He'd spent a good amount of time on the cortex and it wasn't looking shiny. Folks were scared ta do business with them. Seemed someone had put word out that Serenity was to be boarded anytime it was seen by patrols.

She nodded her agreement. "Will you be joining us?" She asked hopefully.

Mal's pride wouldn't allow him to let her buy him something of that nature regardless of how good an idea it might be. "Got Captainy things ta do. 'Spect you'll want to change into your wh... more Companiony lookin' clothes and get those medical supplies." He stomped off toward the bridge. He needed to find them some work.

Inara started to call after him and offer to use some of her contacts but decided that he wouldn't be pleased to have her help in that area yet.

* * *

River slipped into Jayne's bunk. She had been waiting for him to get done with his part of what he could do on the engine so that she could speak with him. Inara had stated a couple of times now that they were three and not two and one but she felt the need to speak with Jayne about the idea. She was quite aware that, in truth, there was more between Jayne and the ex-Companion than there was between him and herself. She felt the need to understand that difference and what it meant to them all. Somehow it seemed less important whether she and Inara were attracted to each other romantically, while Jayne's feelings on the subject were critical to her.

Jayne looked up from cleaning his weapons and smiled as River ghosted into the room and shut the door.

River sat on the floor next to the tarp that Jayne had his guns laid out on and pointed at one of the smaller ones that looked like it might fit her hand. "May I?" She inquired.

He grunted agreement then watched as she expertly broke the weapon down. Her dexterity was amazing. Small hands flashed as she confidently cleaned the weapon. Grabbing the cleaning supplies he moved them so that she could reach them easily. Jayne swallowed and licked his lips as she stroked the patch up and down the barrel, cleaning the inside.

Feeling his arousal in her mind, River smirked as she glanced up at him causing him to flush slightly. "Just makin' sure you know what your doin'," he lied. He'd never watched a pretty woman clean his girls before, it was a mighty interestin' sight.

River was pleased that she could provoke that response in him but still felt uncertain. The only times he had shown an interest in her physically were when circumstances were about more than just her. Usually Inara was present and in this instance it might be more to do with a female handling his weapons than anything about her personally.

She began hesitantly. "I wanted to speak with you about what you and Inara said earlier."

"Whatcha mean?" He frowned at the vague statement.

"Inara has indicated that we are three and not two and one, and you indicated that I was welcome to join the two of you any time I desired, but ..." River hesitated. She needed to know his feelings but there was a part of her that worried about what they would be. She rushed on, "But it is obvious that there is something more between the two of you than there is between you and I." She waited again while she completed the reassembly of the hand gun. Then as the silence persisted she glanced up at his face. "It seems that you go to each other much more easily than to me."

Jayne's face was furrowed with concentration as he worked on Vera. She had told herself she wouldn't read him during this conversation. She was 'listening' to the top level of his mind as usual but it wasn't giving her any information. There were bits and pieces flying around there that did not quantify into any specific meaning. She didn't consider this level actually reading a person. This was the level she touched on with most people and it rarely held much data unless they were actually speaking or listening. It gave her feedback on the immediate conversation without any real depth.

Her resolve buckled and she let herself drop down a level in his consciousness. The tension that was building in her eased as she felt and tasted that he was simply searching himself for the answer to her question and not trying to figure out how to say she was right and he didn't want to be involved in the same type of relationship with her that he desired with Inara.

Finally, his ritual with Vera ended and he wiped his hands on a clean cloth. "Don't reckon 'more' is the right word." He reached for her hand and tugged her around the guns as he leaned back against the bunk, pulling her to sit leaning against him between his legs. He slid his hand into her hair and lifted it up and over her shoulder so she wasn't leaning on it, then stroked his palms across her shoulders and down her bare arms to hold her hands in his and laid their hands on her belly.

"Inara and me, guess you'd have ta say we're just in a different place than you. I ain't meanin' with each other so much as with ourselves as far as sexin' goes. So when we're together like, its just kinda natural for us to be physical. Don't mean we care for you any less'n we care for each other. I 'spect we started in a different place too. Least ways I did, can't rightly speak for her. Always had a thing for her, don't reckon she ever noticed me other than to be somewhere else as much as she could. I ain't really ever thought on you that way till recently. You always been more a youngster in my mind."

River shifted herself around in his arms so that she could see his face. "I am not now?"

He smiled down at her and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Well, I mean to say you're still pretty young but I ain't thinkin' on ya like a youngster anymore. Gotta remember somethin' else too. What with all you been through, we tend to let you lead when you're around, so as we don't do nothin' that'll push you too far. With Inara and me it don't matter none, ain't too likely either a us are gonna be put off by how far things go."

Understanding what he meant eased her mind. She just had to work on making it acceptable for him to touch her as casually as he would touch Inara.

The young woman peeked up at him with an impish grin on her face. "Sooo ... I am in charge then? You will do what I say?"

Jayne let out a short burst of laughter, "Reckon I will at that." He raised an eyebrow and smirked at her, "For now anyway."

"Good." River raised herself to her knees and peeled her top off. "I really enjoyed being greeted this morning," she said with a shy smile then gasped as his mouth closed over her nipple almost before she had finished speaking. She closed her eyes and let her cheek rest on his head as her hands fisted in his hair and pushed herself harder against his mouth. Her smile now one of contentment


End file.
